the longest wait while being petrified

[outlander]

So on wednesday I went to see my gp about a skin spot I was finding to be quite suspicious and the news turned out to be not what I expected.
They want the spot surgically removed urgently as in tuesday unless others cancel and i can get in earlier. They want the whole thing and as it looks like its spreading already they want more than just the top taken off then if it comes back malignanat more tests to see how far its spread then removed those areas

the worrying part is i dont know how long its been there for and because ive noticed it change twice its a very bad sign. Unintentionally coming off her was fear. Fear from others makes me worse and she was sending off alot of that. She pointed out 2 other points that she noticed that are really not good and are often seen in skin cancers.

Im so scared and it seems like tuesday is taking forever to get here. Its really not easy to sit with and accept. Im bloody pertrified!

@Former-Member

[optimouse]

I had a mole cut from my leg last week, and was VERY QUEASY in the fortnight before it was done. I couldn't come straight in for it because  arrangements to move house had  been made  already.

We got the house move over, and the " thing " was cut out 10 days ago. All went well with the surgery, and the report came back " all clear".   PHEW ! !

I was warned to keep the leg elevated, which I did , and it healed beautifully ( if a scabby sore is ever beautiful ) ---   not.

Looking back, the worrying was probably worse than the than the actual surgery, and I probably made it worse for myself and my near and dear, and I only had myself to blame for that, but it was SCARY. 

I'll try to remember this next time.

Best of luck @Darcy.....................From Optimouse

. 

[outlander]

Hi @optimouse
I seen you comment then remove it .. would you like to tell your story here.
Darcy isnt the one who is needing surgury for this. Im just closer to her and told her id keep her updated

[Former-Member]

Hey @outlander

It can be difficult not to worry when we need to undergo medical procedures and we all have a tendancy to think the worst - waiting can be the hardest thing.

Hang in there my petal, 

Darcy

[Former-Member]

@outlander I had to go off line because I was too emotional about this & didn't want to type anything too upsetting, sorry.
I honestly can not settle in my emotions as its thrown me out so bad to know this about you. I have been up & down like a yo yo for over a year with my own health problems when it comes to being positive. Its not so easy & I understand you loud & clear @outlander.
I only just started to get on top of things sorta since I saw the Neurosurgeon, & that was only yesterday???
I'm sick with concern for you because I hate you to have to go through this without me being able to support you in person. I have liked you from the first time I met you here in Forum. Funny how that happens hey?
I just feel drawn to you, even tho I don't try to single you out from the others.
If you are scared you need to express this not hide it. I have been scared out of my head with so many things I've lost count. Yet I still continue to get back up & not stay down for too long. I had major surgery this time last year & never knew until after the surgery if I would be fully paralysed from the neck down or die. I was terrified I needed to feel my emotions to be able to conquer them. You can not conquer a hidden/suppressed enemy. I need to feel my care for you even if it makes me cry so that I know my friendship with you is a true heart felt one.
I don't know who you feel about what I've just just shared with you, I do know I needed to so I did.
Love Always
Bella xo

[outlander]

Hey guys will get to here
Just in crisis mode atm

[Former-Member]

Ok I understand @outlander take how ever long you need, & do what ever you need to, even tho this is not a good time maybe one point to remember.
1. You & your health, & your Claire time, are crucial to your healing, & MUST come first before all things.
Why?
You are ALIVE & no one can benefit from the true you, nor receive what you have to give/offer, without your wellness, & your me time given the proper attention you know you need!
Now start to live, & I will too, we are not slaves, nor are we to stay stuck down where we know we don't deserve to be.
Both you & I need to love who GOD created us to be, & we are lovable, & precious.
I know you will get through all this crap with better health than you had before it. I believe it.
Sometimes it takes a serious health scare to shake us not brake us.
You have a right to be scared, you have a right to get sick. You have even more reason to get well & healed. We were created to be strong you have a strong & healthy with a good mind. Our thoughts sometimes get so cluttered from people being inconsiderate, or just not thinking of the person we are, who they are interacting with. Families can be so demanding without thinking about what its doing to us. Now is your time to be able to say No sometimes I can not at the moment.
I wish I could sit with you & watch the waves roll up on the sand & then back into the loveliness of the oceans glimmering blue water. Smell the salty sea & close my eyes & hear the sea birds as they look for their fishy dinner.
I haven't done anything for over 8 years since being stuck home here on my own while trying to understand what on earth is wrong with my body. I helped my family until I could do no more. No one has tried to help me, they just gossiped about me I found out not too long ago.
Yet, tough to them, they don't know the real me, because they don't take the time to.
I am independent now, I was so devoted to my family, yet they were not to me. I am not comparing with your family in any way, ok?
I am just sharing my experience as maybe I can help you somehow by doing so?
To um it all up I found who I am now, because of all the sickness, both mental & physical & I like who I am. I gave too much of myself away for so many years without any good coming from it that I had a breakdown to receive a gift?
I have received a second chance at living my life, liking & being me!
I am praying for you @outlander & I do love you as my friend, very much!
I care!
Love & Hugs Always!

Bella XO 🙂

[outlander]

ts terrifying. Im glad I got it checked though this isnt what I expected to happen. Ive still got to take it all out on tuesday then await results and hope the area they take out is enough. If not I have to under go another op or another form of treatment. Extremely scary stuff

@Former-Member 

[outlander]

Hey @Former-Member im sorry its taken me so long to get to here
I was in a major suicidal crisis mode and has to take priorities at the time. It was nothing you had said ok

im sorry this news has upset you as it has me. Its been really hard to digest or even cope with. The waiting is hard and im terrified about the op. I havent got anyone here in person which makes things hard but I have people here. This is home to me. This is my family. Family isnt blood. Family are those who stick by you no matter what.

I have been in the same postion as if I was going to walk again before too. After my riding accident I was in such a shock I had no movement and was paralyzed. I know thats scary. I understadn how you mustve felt.

Dont hold back in what you want to say to me, if this is your way of coping with things and realism that is fine and theres no judgment here ok.

now we can watch the waves together

[Former-Member]

@outlander

Will be thinking of you Tuesday, are you able to find someone now who could hold your hand if needed? I will not be around, we need to go to town as Mr Darcy has an appt that day too which will take 3-4 hours (he is booked for surgery mid October).

One step at a time can be a hard thing to do.

Darcy