Battles

[Dreamy]

@rav3n i do like adrenaline type activities, I'm always willing to give anything a shot. 

My dogs were my world so life is very empty without having one. If only I wasn't in a rental I'd make my own fluffy walls 😂.

I know they are hit and miss and I'm trying to remember the few good experiences I've had. But right now with how I'm feeling if I reached out and got let down then that would be it, game over so to speak. So as hard as it is to sit with how I'm feeling right now I feel it's safer than trying to reach out and risk being let down. So tonight I'm stuck with those heavy feelings and feeling very overwhelmed and I have to try and make it through alone if that's possible. I'll hang on for as long as I can in the hopes that at some point either the intensity will break or I can sleep.

[rav3n]

@Dreamy ayy love that energy!! 

making your own fluffy walls sounds like the perfect project, hopefully one day!!

if not calling them is going to keep you safe tonight - then i absolutely support you. i know i said i'd encourage you reach out always, but not if it's compromising your safety - your safety will always be no. 1. 

i gotta hop off now, good night and take care. i know sitting with those feelings can be really uncomfortable and overwhelming, so please do try be kind to yourself and remember those list of words we wrote for you. i catch ya tomorrow, sending you some more gentle hugs 💙

[Dreamy]

@rav3n hope you have a good night, thanks for chatting to me tonight. Thanks for those hugs again. Night ❤️

[Dreamy]

@rav3n so things got too much for me and I decided to reach out to a crisis service to give it a chance. Big mistake, not only was I let down but I was made to feel like everything is my fault, that I've done nothing to help myself to get out of this situation. Everything I said was turned around and used against me to inflict more hurt and suffering. Yes I left feedback but it doesn't change how I'm left feeling. It doesn't change the fact that I needed help and I was completely let down by a service that's supposed to be there when you are in a crisis. Oh well doesn't matter now I guess. I'm completely done, this is what I was afraid of, that last straw to push me over the edge. Well good job to them, they win, I give up. 

[Dreamy]

Is there any @moderator around please?

I'm having a really tough night and my thoughts are getting the better of me. 

[Ru-bee]

Morning @Dreamy I hope you were able to get some good rest. How are things feeling this morning?

[Dreamy]

@Ru-bee @Jynx @rav3n anyone? 

[rav3n]

hey @Dreamy we're around. just read about last night as well, i'm so sorry it didn't go well either. i feel so frustrated that you weren't able to receive the support you deserved. 

i'm sitting with you 💙

[Dreamy]

@rav3n I'm just completely defeated today. I can't even feel anything, I just feel numb. 

Thanks ❤️. I know I'm not much fun to talk to and I'm sorry for that. 

[rav3n]

@Dreamy i'm so sorry you feel so defeated, it is definitely an exhausting position to be in. it's okay to take it slow, take your time to regain some energy. we're still here with you.

please don't think that!! i don't expect someone who feels numb or defeated to be 'fun' either way, i'm definitely no fun when i'm feeling low. but it's not about 'fun', it's just about being here for each other in the good and bad times. you don't need to be positive or enthusiastic to deserve connection and support, you can just be you. and we accept that always.