Life can be a Pain

[Shaz51]

hello @Owlunar, how are you today my friend

thank you for your message, mr shaz was going off his meds which I think got his mind overthinking about everything and he is worried about his 4 children aspecially the youngest son

I think he would love to move closer to his youngest son but he feels he needs to be here close to both our mothers who are in their 80`s

he has been trying to get his son to move closer to us which would be great for both father and son , we have a daughter 30 minutes away from us

but back to the meds , we went to the doctor and he said to stay on the anti depressants and go off the others meds , so he is back on the anti depressants which is good

I am feeling more myself so mr shaz will be feeling himself soon 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar and @Former-Member

sorry to invade your posts but can I pls write something:

Re: God - I feel that I have done something wriong as a child to be sexually abused by three different guys. And then to be treated the way I was and still am by my parents.

I am scared that God doesn't love me.

I fear that when that time comes that I don'mt know where I will go; will God help me; will he love me and be with me; and this morning I thought when my dad passes away will i still see him (now i am crying)

I am at times very angry towards God for not protecting me when i was abused, for not helping me or loving me. Why me.

I used to go to church every sunday as a child and then once I was married and had kids I stopped going.  Now I won't go because i am angry and am scared that if i go into church i will cry so much. i can't.

Sorry @Owlunar and @Former-Member i hope you don't mind me writing on here

BB xxoo

[outlander]

big hugs to you guys

@BlueBay@Shaz51@Owlunar@Former-Member

i can empathise the loss of a child but i can with pain as well as the SA

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay

Of course you can post here - I opened this thread for all kinds of pain and anyone's pain

Pain is a huge subject

Of course you didn't do anything wrong to be molested or to make your parents treat you that way - and God loves you - of course he does

But I don't know why all that happened to you - and I have asked the same question - yelled at God a lot actually - asked him why he had to keep testing my faith when it was already strong - fumed - cried - whatever - I wanted to know why he took my son.

I wrote - back up the thread - that no theologian knows why an omniopotent and benevolent God allows evil - and I have read the free-will argument at university and maybe this helped me find the reason for my own grief - but it an eternal question - and maybe one of the reasons for life - to ask, to question, to seek -perhaps find - but you are not alone in seeking the reasons for what has happened to you

But you didn't cause it and believe me - God does love you

I don't mind your writing - I am looking very hard into the light to try and find a way through your shadows tonight - I know you are in a very dark place

I think things happen - God doesn't cause them - bad things happen to good people people all the time and no one deserves it

We are children alone in the forest at times - but God still loves us.

Lots of love BB - I can really sense your dark road right now

Dec

[Former-Member]

Oh thank you @Owlunar, you 'get it' Yeah, I this nk it was the gardening, and working on my feet all morning. Going to a boot sale afterwards had me having to take rests. Maybe should have left the garden & shed till tomorrow but just trying to 'get it done 😞 And I think 'upset' might aggrivate it to, to come on here and to find a misunderstandinf (conflict), i made a blunder at woek this am & got by the 20yo team leader grr and mother dearest sent me a tx saying "still got the shits my sewing gear gone walk about cant change cotten on machine" She thinks I stole her sewing box this last two weeks. which is rediculous, but there's no telling her. All that and bad backache, docs fobbing me off as 'chronic' parents dying, ma stressing over everything, ladhing out, siblings not talkung to me, bro Sz and my over spending this week :(, and winter blues... ... ... its too much, how do you do it @Owlunar? I really don't want to keep fighting a lot of the time.
On a good note - my S3 rang today, he sounds good but a bit onely. Nicecto hear his voice. He's getting there. Maybe I',m still here for Him.

@BlueBay, of cause God loves you and never wants these things to happen. Nobody disserves what happened to us as children, by those filthy devients, it poison us to hate ourselves, but God has provided us with help to get through, back into g s love washed clean, a way of rising above it until we get our wings & after. The Bible chapter Bk of 'Job' helps me understand suffering and faith and unhelpful familt & friends. I still get angry and stuggle with purpose of suffering BlueBay, I have to believe there's an even greater opposite purpose in it, somehow that we can't see yet - and trust. Its not wasot

◄ Luke 4:18 ► Jesus said "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free,

[Former-Member]

I'm crying too now

[outlander]

Aww hugs @Former-Member 😙😙⚘💐❣

[BlueBay]

Thank you @Owlunar and @Former-Member

you are both beautiful friends. I knew i have made some beautiful friends on here to guide me.

i am so broken i don't know if i can be fixed.don't know if i will ever be better.

Part of me knows that God does love me but a big part of me thinks that He doesn't because of all the suffering I am going through.  I know He went through a lot of pain and suffering for us too.

You know all i ever wanted in life was for someone to put their arms arounjd me and tell me they love me; tell me things will be alright; tell me it's okay to cry; tell me it;s okay now you are safe.

But I never got that - and I prob will never get that 😞

[Former-Member]

Oh @BlueBay, I know it, those feelings of not being loved. Its mighty powerful when we bring God into our internal dialogue (knowing he does love us sooooooo much, and want what's best) because it helps my heart accept things, and my brain open to the bigger picture (options), a greater purpose for me. This helps stop getting 'stuck' there (well, not all the time, I'm a work in progress too). I often feel punished - that God let those grown vipers loose on my younger self because i was bad, and even feel punished he gave my 12yo wings too soon because I wasn't good enough..., but as Dec reminds me - punishment is not in Gods nature, everything He allows is for a greater purpose (beyond my brain) but I have to believe that deep down, that Somehow I am separate from all that stuff - yet fully aware. During my 'Self Compassion Exercises" as illustrated in Russ Harris book "Reality Slap" - by faith I invite Gods Holy spirit to come in on these powerful meditations, and wow, its not just me holding my own heart, acknowledging my pain, allowing healing -  its God who loves me, because of Jesus. I picture Him in the nature of Jesus (compassion, kindness, forgiveness, acceptance, healing, resurrection, peace...) Dont know how it works but it changes me for the better, Sometimes I need a sleep / self care for a couple if hours after (like spiritual heart surgery). And when i also realise how imperfect before God i am and how kind he is to me anyway, in so many ways - it helps my self acceptance and being kinder to me, and in turn others. God is for our healing, not leave us stuck in past trauma to relive over and over beating ourselves up like they did to us. And, asking God to deliver me, well, that's powerful and depending on the depth - I have woke many a time unburdened (free).

Oh sorry, I am raving a bit. But it us Sunday 💒 lol (not that I like church structure). The thing I have to remind myself every time I feel like Self Harming... is that still small voice that came to me in hospital I've saying "why do you want to punish yourself when Christ has already paid the price?" Oh how I cried that day.

Its not black&white (Born-Again one day, perfect the next) like most unbelievers think it should be, its a process, a transformation by the renewing of our monds, and hearts, every day decisions. We will stuff up, like everyone else, every day in fact, but forgiven we have hope to pick up anew and as @Faith-and-HopeFaith-and-Hope reminds us a lot - 'just keep swimming" (toward the light of cause:))

I believe in you @BlueBay, one day at a time precious. We're all just walking each other home 💜🌷🌿

Oh @Owlunar, my back, gonna have to resort to the strong stuff to walk today I think - how do you do this? Hugz to you too for being here. Still working on my 'religious' convo reply post to you - bain just doesn't want to go there. Have a Bible Study to catch up on today - for ladies meeting tomorrow - the book of Haggai the prophet. Bit confronting but maybe I have to learn it for a reason, grr. Life certainly has its curve balls (and bolts of lightning lol). Catch you later, hope your day goes well. Oh, do you do church? I'm not motivated for looking at the back of peoples heads, prefer my 'small group' bible study, Jesus is there among us too. Not gunna feel guilty about that anymore. Love you Dec 💜

PS (20min later edit) 😞 don't know what to do here on my own - just got up to get strong pain meds, cant find them, can hardly move, detoured / staggered to toot and had serious trouble bending & stretching there with the pain & stiffness 😞 Finally made brunch - toast and took my medications and layed down, but 😥😢 forgot pain tabs and it hurta so much to get up again. Don't know - when does one call for help? I couldn't drive like this I don't think. 🌷🌿

[Shaz51]

@BlueBay, God loves you my friend xx

i have soo much to say @Owlunar, @Former-Member, but i am findng it hard to write it all down , it is the people that do theses terrrible things , not the church or God , Sometimes I would love God to send a lightening bolt down , but God is love ,

what is the "church" made up of -- good and bad people and they blame god

I think we need to look at the postive around and praise god on what he made , I can never have a child of my own but I have looked after 100s of children and now I have 4 step children

I am blind in one eye but still can see a little bit in the other eye , totally deaf in one ear and a hearing aid in the other , i have kidney disease but I have found some wonderful friends here on the forum

Mr shaz has had depression all his life sooo Let`s have a group hug my friends