Life can be a Pain

[Owlunar]

Good morning Niqua - it's a lovely day here in Melbourne - cold though - of course - it's the middle of winter - what else - he he

And how are you today

Hi Outlander - yes tough is the word - I believe you had a hard night with all sorts of anxiety - believe it or not I have had nights like that - a long long time ago - and I know how hard it is to endure

But being tough - or learning to be - that's the way we endure - I thought the life I was living could never change - but it did - I look back and can hardly believe I was the same person as I was then

I have been thinking a lot about that time - when my son was alive - and the sky was in constant danger of falling. How did I endure that? I was sky high anxious all the time and relaxants never seemed to help. Those tablets help with my back pain a lot but they never have worked for anxiety.

So after doing so much thinking on the subject lately I will be doing some writing about a lot of things soon - a short time spent quietly getting through the short winter days have borne fruit - it will very likely be interesting - I just have to think about it some more

Yeah - I get how it is at home - and how are you this morning

Dec

@Former-Member@outlander

[Former-Member]

[Former-Member]

Hello Dec 🙂

It's a lovely day here too, still cool enough that I'm still in my warm nightgown 😉

I'm good Thank-you and hope you are too

[outlander]

@Owlunar

and your tougher and wiser and even if you learnt it you still have those traits. really fits in with the 'what doesnt k*ll you, will make you stronger'

i am ok, average

writing? like a book?

[Former-Member]

[Former-Member]

Hey @Owlunar, was just feeling sorry for myself that I have nobody to tell about the good night I had out a few hours ago, then I thought ofvyou, that you might be interested. Its 2am - dog woke me to be let outside and I can't go back to sleep yet 💜

A local christian lady, who cared for 2 sons with degenerative genetic disorder, 'till they were 25yrs old, when they went to be with the Lord (yep, she lost both of her only children). This well respected lady was speaking at a local church, on "Faith and tough times" to raise money for the local School Chaplaincy. Of cause i wanted to hear how shes survived this and kept the faith. Not only did i want to go but someone offered me a lift. So I dragged myself off the couch and went.

Oh, what a night. The Chaplain herself was there and just by chance sat at our table. She described herself as 'a missionary kid' - retired school teacher - christian believer. But quietly. and most significant to me, at our table she shared how she too is acquainted with grief - having lost her brother to suicide age 37:( (said he battled depression & hospital all his life). I listened carefully as this is sibling grief - which I need to hear for my family. That was blessing my blessing #2

#3 was the flute player ringing crystal clear as we (50 ladies) all arrived slowly registering and taking our seats. Beautiful tone. I was inspired to dig out my own flute and start playing again. Time will tell 🎵

#4 Amazing spread of yummy cakes and fruit, And the tables were adorned with white tablecloths, pink silk centre runner with ivy vine and a small flickering candle centre. The decorative napkins were colourful butterflies. Balloons, even those fairy lights behind lace curtain on the feature wall. On reflection it honestly felt like I was walking into heaven's resurrection banquet. Just so well done 🎀 I was able to ignore the negative dialogue telling me I wasn't good enough to he had here, I should leave, will never fit in, done my dash with God, this is reminder of what your mistakes has robbed you of... ... Yep, that voice was a distant echo that still rings but I'm too tires to care really. BlarBlarBlah. Somehow I was able to live in the moment and just warm a seat and take it all in. The social anxiety, hmm, didn't feel that either, very unusual.

#5 Singers, x3 of them, different styles, and of cause I just had to buy the CDs at the end of the night, especially as all funds raised were going to the School Chaplaincy as well. Haven't listened to them yet but will 🎵🎵🎵

#6 The talk, there were scripture references I can add here later if you'd like Dec, @Faith-and-Hope, but on the whole, what she said was also my experience, ours, my faith revelations in grief - real, and hopeful. That she had endured such suffering and standing the confident woman she is today. 💜

Unfortunately, actions speak louder than words, she wad not warm yoward me. She's not good with intimacy maybe, or still figuringbme out... Not good eye contact or emotional support with me. I travelled in with her sister and the warm greeting she gave her, as we walked in, was a stark contrast to the strained hello I got, ouchy! And the three of us go to the same ladies bible study together (here comes the voice again - what gossip has she been listening to?). I even asked her if she could pray with me sometime, as announced by MC as on offer, but she just smiled and changed the subject. I felt a bit hurt at the mounting fobs and thought to pray about it tonight (rather than attack myself with negative thoughts, get angry and bitter). The Holy Spirit gently reminded me

"WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT GIFTINGS"

Ah! My heart settled 1:1 is not her thing, nor is processes, for she is a missionary, a teacher, a speaker, a task focus person that gets things done. Nobody's perfect. I am a dreamer, creative, my giftings are more music, compassion, empathy, grace... 🎵🌿

And on that note, I need to try get back to sleep as its 3:30am and I have to open the shop early for work tomorrow. Hope you're sleeping ok Dec. Thanks for being here - nice talking/☺

Lapses🌷❗💞

[Owlunar]

Those are lovely thoughts @Former-Member and a wonderful picture

It sounded as if you were counting your blessings but you were also taking a look at the other side - but it does seems as if you had a more balanced outlook on things - as you wrote - you were able to ingore the negative dioalogue - and I must insist - no matter how bad you feel or how wrong you feel - you can never wear God out - you can never do your dash with him.

You are good enough to be wherever - but sometimes the people are not quite where we can fit in - always see this as a choice - we don't care to go where we are not required but we are still good enough to be there.

Yes - get your flute out and play again. I was without a piano for overe 25 years and now I have one again - it's hard picking up sight-reading but I can actually do better playing by ear - playing our own musical instruments is a gift is so many ways - I feel mine is a gift if no one is listening - I used to be so much better

Gossip - okay - that's strange - what does that really mean? The word Gospel comes from people sharing - gossiping - about the Good News - so what people gossip about it more the question. It's probably better not to worry about what people are saying or what they think - it's something outside our range of hearing or seeing. Better to let it go - after all - being indicted - that is having ill spoken - outside your range of knowing happens but we can't know - I have suffered a lot from being indicted in such a way - but I have learned this

When the person who lies about us to other people in our family - in our circle - they might be seeking to hurt us and make their own position better - but in time we can learn to suffer those spiteful things - what really gives me a bad pain somewhere is that when that person or those people can't hurt us anymore - and yes - we can reach that state - what can hurt is the collateral damage of such storiess

So - as hard as it is - better not to worry about what gossip people are listening to - we can't know and some people are just reserved or maybe have a script for the meeting and finished - they are without the script and find it hard to interact

Try and not worry about the slings and bites of other people - they have their own stuff and most likely they don't even notice

But yeah - tough stuff - I know - it takes a long time to grow a thicker skin - and even then - we can still have bad moments

Dec

[outlander]

@Owlunar i thought of you looking at these

[outlander]

@Former-Member ❤❤❤

[Former-Member]

@outlander, good in o see you, great sunset pictures. Its like giant gold diamond. beautiful. Do you get to the beach much yourself? Hugz for you 💜

Thanks @Owlunar, guess it all pans out in the end. How are you tonight? I'v had a big day, niggling aches and pains. laying in bed with a heatpack on lumber area. actually fell asleep a few hrs and just woke up. Didn't sleep much last night. Only about 3hrs in total, broken. Mind racing, dog needing to go out... Had to work and the shop was the busiest its ever been 6months since I've been there. I'm tired.

But when I got home found the 10m dead tree out back had toppled onto the the corner of the house, most the weight precariously balanced on the rainwater tank. I was worried a wind could bring it down sideways into windows etc. The local tree lopper wasn't answering his phone so I rang the SES. Turns out it was a job they didn't have to do because it hadn't officially broken any infrastructure or posed threat - however, they realisevit could so took chainsaw and ladder to it and 3hrs later it was down. A branch fell on the rusty rainwater tank roof and it collapsed in tearing dide a luttle, losing water everywhere. and lot of water poured out for ages. And the trunk badly dinted the top of the tin fense coming down. But nobody was hurt and the SES guys worked so well together, well, for middle aged+ inexperienced blokes. I never had so many men here. took a photo of them with the sun glowing off their bright orange overalls. It was good of them to do it. They had a new gov vehicle they christened, first callout in it, wow! I have avmountain of cuttings in the neighbours driveway to have carted away but he's good about it all - thank goodness.

One confronting thing tjat stressef me on the inside a little was The guy in charge was my old neighbour whose daughter was my girls friend / playmate. He drove his car right into the backyard and when he got out he gave me the biggest hug hello "remember me" he said. It was most unusual. bit I think easier than words as we had not seen each other since my girl died. So sad. affected everyone I guess. That was a bit confronting. I honoured my feelings and took a quiet break, layed down quietly, inside, and did breathing exercise meditation ion while I hey clucked around outside. I get overwhelmed easy these days, and live alone. 🌷🌿