Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

[Determined]

@Former-Member

Agree with @Maggie, no words can express what I am thinking/ feeling for you at the moment.
Please just know you are in my thoughts and here to listen.

[Former-Member]

Gee @Faith-and-Hope, thats a lovely rose painting. Is this something you did yourself? Its gorgeous. Wish you could give me a few lessons. xx

@Former-MemberI am on medication to help with nightmares, but not currently on any ADs. Was on an anti anxiety med for a while, but I went off it last year.

@outlander- You said you are currently going through what I've already been through. Does that mean that you're undergoing some form of trauma therapy at present? If so, what type, and how are you coping with it so far?

@Shaz51, thanks for the hugs and support.

@Former-Member- Yes those triggers are unpredictable sometimes. It never occurred to me that I might come face to face with someone from that period of my life, someone I associated with the person who attacked me. And all the way over in Asia, not even in Aust. I am getting better in general with most triggers, but those totally unexpected ones obviously hit extremely hard. Flashbacks are so vivid so lifelike and the effects really take a toll on you both mentally and physically.

Thanks all of you. Its reassuring to know you understand as well as being prepared to listen when I feel the urge to talk about it.  A grateful hug to each of you.

Sherry  

[outlander]

@Former-Member
Sort of. Its hitting hard atm for a few reasons but its not your fault so please dont think that.
Cancer to me is a touchy topic one as my nan passed away from it as a main cause and the othet is becausr ive just come out the other side of a melanoma as well.
I dont and wont get therapy for the SA ive had and only my gp knows so to perform neccessary tests (stds etc) and also here no one else but the episode you described about panicing and crying and things i had something similar after a pelvic exam and before that i was like that because of a separate trauma thing and it sent me flying and into that state.
I am going through trauma therapy for a dog incident but honestly i hate it and its not helping me because when i ask for help the therapist defers the question to what i ask. She keeps bringing up other things not even relevant to that and i hate the therapist now. Im pretty sure its CBT therapy

[outlander]

Im still listening and hwaring amd supporting you just sometimes takes me a little bit longer to get here @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member - Yes I do feel completely exhausted.  I am running on empty right now.

I have to drive to the city from home, as public transport is not an option from where I am. To drive there its about a two and a half hour drive each way, so 5 hours driving round trip.  Because I have a long term back injury, I am not able to do that too often.  Sitting, standing and driving exacerbates my pain; as does stress incidentally.  Just something else to add into the equation I guess.    I do take painkillers to help when I need to, but cant if I'm planning on driving.  So I try not to drive down and back on the one day.  Hence the necessity to stay overnight regularly.  My back and leg pain just wont allow me to do otherwise unfortunately.  So expenses are also adding up, and given that I am not working, then its a battle all round.

No I dont have anyone nearby  who would come with me.  I tend to isolate myself and thus have few, if indeed any, friends.  Family are all a long way away.  Awww gee, arent you thoughtful.  Yeah it would be nice if you could be that person. A lovely thought, thankyou.  

Too right, its very important to believe someone actually cares, or indeed even listens. they dont have to necessarily even understand.  Sometimes just knowing you have a voice, and are heard means a lot. 

Sherry xx

[Former-Member]

@Maggie.  I am so sorry to hear that today is such a bad day for you.  It makes the fact that you bothered to pop in and post to me today very special.  Your willingness to listen, to understand, and your empathy for others shines through Maggie.  Thanks so much for the warm heartfelt hug. I hope that little fluffball puppy companion of yours is by your side today?  I feel sure she would be, as is mine.

Oh and I cant let it go without commenting on the picture you sent me.  I LOVE it .... dancing in the rain ... of course!  

I hope you are much improved by now and that tomorrow is a far better day for you.

Sherry 

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Determined, as I explained to someone else today.  Having someone listen is very important to me.  It gives me confidence that I can discuss things which normally I would keep inside of me.  Thanks.

Sherry

[Former-Member]

Okay @outlander, now I understand.  I'm sorry about your recent melanoma scare.  Sounds like it was discovered very early, so thats a good thing.  If your Dr recommends follow up checks, please dont neglect them though.

Oh dear, I understand about the pelvic exam thing.  I go into a high state of anxiety on the rare occasions I have had to have a PAP test done.  I put it off for as long as I can until I am basically told I must have it. Thankfully I dont actually throw up on those occasions, it doesnt reach that state. But yes - cant breathe, shaking all over and cant stop the tears.  Very embarrassing, as if the actual process of having a PAP test done wasnt already embarrassing enough. So yeah, I can sympathise with you on that one.  

CBT therapy is most likely to be what you are having by the sound of it.  For me, I had CBT in conjunction with Exposure Therapy, sort of in combination running alongside of each other.  If you cant handle CBT, dont go anywhere near Exposure Therapy!  Its sooooo hard.  But thinking back  to pre and post therapy, its probably (almost) worth it.  I think?  Certainly pre exposure therapy, I could NEVER have spoken about what happened to me back then.  I just couldnt do it, couldnt think about it, couldnt discuss it, couldnt write about it, I just could not go there.  These days, although it still causes pain and anxiety, I can actually write about it. Sigh, still cant verbally talk about it though.  Mind you, I'm not much of a talker anyway, about anything really.  Much more of a writer.

Anyway thanks Outlander for posting to me and offering your support. Please know I am here for you also.  And if you need advice anytime, and its something I can help with, I'll gladly give it.

Sherry  

[Former-Member]

Oh @Former-Member - that is an enormous load for anyone to carry. I have experienced similar situations - with so much hitting from all angles. This together with my own health issues and grief.  I know how it can get too much for any one person to deal with it alone - no matter how strong or independent we are. We are only human and have limits....At these times we really need to seek sound professional treatment and reach out.

I have experienced some of what you are carrying plus dealing with other bad circumstances and 6 yrs ago it all came to a head. I tried to get through without ant-ds as I didn't want the side effects but deteriorated with similar symptoms as you described having. I relented and did begin a course of ADs and they helped a lot (with sleep, anxiety and appetite). They were life saving at that time and helped me cope better. I weaned off them 18 mths ago after being on them 14 mths - they helped me survive a very rough period.

Do you have any time put aside to do leisure activities that you enjoy? Do you go out at all on a regular basis, even for just a day, and do something relaxing for fun with friends or acquaintances? Setting a time for you your personal goals - those things that uplift you? This is so important for sound mental health and for a balance to be able to cope with the caring role we are in. Otherwise the scales will tip and the load becomes too heavy to cope with. Sometimes I would have to force myself to get out there and do this but once I did it made me feel better and stronger. Sometimes in these trying times we can forget how to live. And then it can all go downhill from there.

I noted you said that a support network was withdrawn from you. For someone under such an accumulation of stressors - that is like having the carpet pulled from under their feet. At such times, having such support is a lifeline and to have that "withdrawn is an "Overwhelming blow". That inself can send us crashing down as we can't do it all alone.

I am so glad you posted here for support as we will walk with you through this. Is there any possibility of joining a face to face support group such as grow or Carers Support where you live? A personal phone call checking up on how you are can come just at that time when we need it the most.......Also the Sane team at head office also offers caring phone counsel that you can also utilise.

Please be kind to you also allowing yourself some down time, some you time to enjoy yourself and those activities that relax you. Sending a warm hug 🤗 🌹

[Faith-and-Hope]

Not one of mine @Former-Member ..... but it's in my sort of style, so I could have painted it ......

The best advice I have for you as a painting tip would be to copy it ...... copy pieces that you admire and you will learn sooo much f on the endeavour ....... just don't try to sell them passed off as your own ..... lol ...... I'm sure you know that would convene copyright.

You can copy other works and hang them in your own home, but perhaps mark on them that they were copied from an internet image.