@Sans911
I dont really have anything to share that new, i guess thats why i havent shared alot. its still the same things, a while ago when i come here i was told i was over sharing, and repeating myself and i can see where i went wrong and learnt from that mistake but it now also makes it tricky to share things in case its like a revolving door, and that is whats making it the hardest. It feels like a revolving door for me too. Sometimes i get frustrated and 'blue' about these situations that i cant get out of and i talk about it but others' suggestions ive tried arent working all that well for me, i hate sounding like the persons suggestions arent helpful- hopefully that makes sense.
No, i know you guys arent here to judge etc but it is hard to get out what i want to say when ive said it a few times but my changes arent actually changing anything.
I can articulate a lot of my feelings but because they are the same things I feel I should be able to manage them if it is tearing me apart.
“I think perhaps your SI/SH thoughts, your nightmares, your dissociation comes being completely overwhelmed and flooded with emotions so you no longer can discern what's real, what emotions are happening, how to cope and move forward.”
Yes you are right, the dramatic changes in mood causes a lot of that too. I have more emotions and changes in a mood then I do anything else combined in the day or I get depresison and anxiety at the same time. I feel stuck in this mode like nothing I do is changing them. I try to just accept them and let them flow and deal with things as they come but they feel like they are getting worse and feels like im slipping further and further whether I accept them or fight them. That is the part that I dont understand and is scaring me the most. If I have these strategies in place for coping and I do utilise them as much as possible, try other things etc then why can I not stabilise myself and/or get some sort of improvement.
Right now I dont feel life is worth living. I feel almost invisble and worthless trapped in a glass box- like I can see what everyone else is doing, seeing others succeed and while im happy for them and their successes, I want some of those too. Its hard for me to even share my successes because most of my life ive been put down, and had my success shaken off or compared against others who are better than I am esp when I was competing.
The only time im not invisible is when ive done something wrong or someone wants something. No one talks to me unless its for those reasons. Im not talking about here, im talking in general terms and it is making life harder as well.
Inside both my head and deep within it feels like im fading, theres nothing there.
@Teej (and everyone) no need to respond (unless you want to) but i know you were following the convo as well.
