Life after hospital

[outlander]

@Koko

i have a safe place- my place is a waterfall scene but without leeches!! and its quiet and i can hear the water flowing, and the gentle breeze and the fresh smells.

ut its a pity i cant be there all the time. i have to learn to live back in the normal world and stop running from it. thats where my greatest struggle is now that ive left hospital.

and i feel like a total idiot and failure becasue i cant seem to get by bearings straight

[utopia]

@outlander. You answered the question yourself. Your last few lines - about the good things that came after this incident. That's what you need to focus on.
So when you start thinking about that time - stop and think of what good things occurred afterwards.

[Koko]

That's the beauty of a real place with.  I can live out of that place with someone else all the time and focus on the so many good things that a day can bring if we look. I found I kind of got addicted in a way to living out only the ugly parts of my life. Now I see sooooooo many more.

[outlander]

so where would you guys proceed to now @Koko@utopia@Former-Member@Queenie

what would be your next step?

i know ive gotta get a rotuine in place and each week i put out the diary and write out what things ive already got planned such as events and appointments and make sure i put time aside for D and study but what else. i think if i keep doing this then im jsut going in circles and not moving forward but again i dont know where to go from here...

[utopia]

@outlander. You are doing the right things. Appointments in your diary. Time set aside for therapists and study and time for your passions - your horse, your art.
Do the homework set by your psychologist. Practice your self soothing and calming techniques. This takes time. You're doing really well.

[outlander]

Ok @utopia 💕
Thank you for guiding me through this time ❤ its very much appreciated

[utopia]

Sweet dreams

[Former-Member]

Hi Outlander, have you included in your weekly planning, time to do the things you love. People often get busy with tasks, and not processes, long term goals, and not present moment. Moving  forward, I think, is building a life worth living. What do you value? Google / read up on values, some you already have others you grow into but the trick is to value yourself first. Hope this makes sense. Take care 🌷🌿

[outlander]

@Former-Member ive included my appointments, when i have my secondary jobs, any errands that need to be done at this moment, and time for D and artwork

[outlander]

i feel like ive been shoved into a corner yet again and it feels to dangerous to do or say anything atm.

but these new tablets are not helping me they are actually giving me nightmares so im not rested- never have been- but this is making it worse. ive been having alot of flashbacks, and grieving issues.

ive also been given the news that my new horse may not ever be sound enough to ride 😞 its so hard to hear considering ive already made that bond with her. ive gotta get a body worker out and a vet and i hope the news doesnt go south from there. if it does ill have to make th choice to either let her be avery expensive paddock ornament and forking out alot of money to keep her well- more than a new sound horse would cost me to buy and keep or to give her back 😞

ive also been very greatly triggered today. ive been emeotionally supporting a friend of mine whose mum has cancer, ive been through what shes going through and im trying to help her the best she can. im just not sure how i cna help. i have the  life experience there but i dont know how to take those experineces and give some good advice. i feel like a total idiot.

ive managed to get my second job back now.
so mondays going to wear me down quickly.
monday morning i have 2 hoours paddock cleaning with one lady, then another hour with another person, then another 2 hours with another person so thats 5 hours paddock cleaning, then ive gotta scoot over to another job whihc is the holiday care which will take me another hour and i have to do my own horse as well. i dont mind atm, i think i need it.

im panicking that im going backwards.
no im panicking becasue i am going backwards. already!