The Challenges of Mental Health Wellbeing

[Sans911]

 I get what you are saying @Teej

and its OK. When you are here, you are another light in my often dark world, and I feel less alone in my experiences. Although we are probably quite different, we are quite the same too. I'm getting to like you very much the more I know about you. Like me, you're much too hard on yourself, but I think I understand the reasons why.

For me, ALL of your responses are considered, thoughtful & with a lot of kindness and compassion in them. I've never had a problem with any of your posts. I only wish you didn't doubt yourself so much, because I believe that you are a really beautiful person that is incredibly generous and caring to others, but doesn't treat herself the same way. If you don't mind @Teej

I'm sending a big, warm hug your way 🤗

[Sans911]

Exactly @outlander

I'm really glad the worry box works for you. I always suggest things to you even if they don't work for me because of that reason.

And yes @Teej

@outlander

is an amazing, caring, kind and support person to so many people here on the forums. She's all the place, supporting so many in such a lovely way. Those people in your rl @outlander

don't know you like we do. So it's their loss. There's a hurt there still for their rejection, however, there will be a time when you will have genuine friends that see your beautiful heart, and will like you just as you are.

[outlander]

@Sans911 is an amazing, caring, kind and support person to so many people here on the forums. She's all the place, supporting so many in such a lovely way. Those people in your rl  don't know you like we do. So it's their loss. There's a hurt there still for their rejection, however, there will be a time when you will have genuine friends that see your beautiful heart, and will like you just as you are.

Couldnt have said it any better for my response to you my dear sis.

[Teej]

Thank you @Sans911. My first reaction was "Nope I don’t deserve those comments". 

I used to be on the forum all the time. I didn’t second guess myself like I do now. So much has changed for me in the past few years. I actually joined in nov 2015 but in fits of si deleted my account twice 😖😳. Ironically I lost lots of confidence and put soooooo much pressure on myself when I became a CG. I hid from the forum for a long time. 

Now my absence is for so many reasons. One is I feel guilty knowing I’m supposed to be working on functioning better rather than spending hours and hours on the forum. For about 18 months I read every post every day but it wasn’t as busy as it is now. I also responded to many. I know that if I have any chance I have to try to find things outside the forum. 

I think secondly I’m much more aware of me absorbing everyone’s pain so sometimes there’s even a bit of self care now. I would stay up with people all night in the past and my life would be dependent on theirs. It’s taken me a long time to understand that relationship. 

I often have huge doubts and second guess myself and have huge fears of making it worse or hurting someone. I don’t know how to trust myself for anything and often struggle to work out what is reality. 

Lastly and I struggle/d with this immensely, is that I used to be very egalitarian here and always try to make sure no one got left behind. I hate myself so much I can’t do that anymore and that I’m starting to limit the threads I go on to support people. Its caused much personal grief that I can’t do or be the person I want to on here.

It’s also much easier to write one or two off replies. I find that I become so emotionally attached so easily too so often I do the 'run away' thing so I don’t feel so much. I have a bit of push you pull you too that has become more pronounced over time. 

Theres my thesis of a response :face_with_rolling_eyes:😳

[Teej]

Sorry got carried away with my over the top response. The part I love about the forum the most is watching people pick people up with kindness. There seems to be a big push for women to support each other more rather than compete with each other or drag someone down in order to feel better about yourself. I see that the forum is a pretty good example of that genuine care and support 💜💜💜🤗🤗🤗

@Sans911, @outlander

[Sans911]

But that's cheating @outlander!

And you're a much bigger supporter of many, many others than I am.

[outlander]

Pity rl wasnt more like the forums  @Teej 

[outlander]

@Sans911 ahh but  i have sister  privileges im allowed to do that  

[Sans911]

@Teej

I LOVE your OTT thesis response! It's outstanding. You know, many of the things you discuss in the two posts are similar for me, but I've only been here a year. I've seen big changes in that time, so I can only imagine how much change you have seen.

But I think for your own sake, you need to let go of some of those expectations and guilt. Your own journey to well-being is paramount to you leading a life of being confident of you and content that life is giving you what you want.

I had many of those concerns when I became CG too. And it led to huge issues with SI thoughts because I wasn't being the role model I should have been. I agonised over it so much, and sometimes still do. But I've also realised I'm human, struggling with complex MI. So I backed off trying to be everything to everyone. I still welcome new members, I offer ongoing support if I can, but if I can't, and I need time to take care of my needs, then that's also not a bad thing for other people in the forums to see.

You've come in and offered amazing support to me of recent, and I understand by your absence that you're possibly supporting others or looking after you. And I don't have issues with that at all.

Be gentle on yourself @Teej

Give some of that beautiful caring, kind nature back to you. Because you are so worth it, and you matter a great deal