The Challenges of Mental Health Wellbeing

[Sans911]

Hi lil Sis @outlander . Mostly been busy today with doing my tax return, and a lot of volunteer stuff again (never ending!!). I have a headache again, which is becoming a daily annoyance. It's really cold here, so I am still in bed as it's the warmest place to be.

The conversation with my mother was really weird. Initially she was really angry, told me that I preferred my fostered family over her, and then she kinda turned niceish. She can't understand why I have had depression so long, why I share with my foster sister, not her (not entirely true), and few other things. So it went from me saying if  you don't want to stay in touch fine to her asking if I was ok to see her in September. I said that was ok. I am perplexed by the whole conversation still.

I wiped myself out deliberately early last night, it was just easier to do that. Days are so long & boring. And it's coming up to anniversary time when I was barred from working. Plus in a few short months I will lose my other cruise ship job forever. That is a massive crushing blow. I don't know if I can deal with that. Lots of stuff going on my head, but I am trying to numb it out, not think about it.

[outlander]

hi my sis @Sans911 it is actually a relief to get a tag from you. i know when your not doing so great you shut down and while i cant make you talk i do care very much about you and your wellbeing.

it sounds like a rather um interesting day sis. well done on getting your tax done and alot of your volunteer stuff done too.

that is a rather strange but tricky conversation. some people dont get mh issues much esp when it comes to personality disorders. theres so much lack of understanding and empathy around it it can be hard to cope with and mh issues in general. personally im really glad you have your foster sister as well as supports and that your comfortable in sharing some things with her.


i thought you may have last night, it is how you coped though. i understand just wanting to shut down everything. these aniversaries are sounding very tricky to navigate but im right here, i have no intentions on giving up on you even at your worst and i know many others are the same.

do you want to talk about them at all? it sounds like the cruise ship one might be the hardest one to handle- im more than happy to chat about it if itll help at all.

big lil sis hugs

[Sans911]

I'm glad you understand that's how I work & that it's not a personal reflection or you or anyone else in the forums @outlander

I can't even sort out my own thoughts and feelings, so talking about them isn't easy either. I'm grateful that at the moment you've got @Zoe7giving you support because I feel bad for not being there for you.

My mother only knows I have depression from a breakdown and nothing else. I don't want her to know I have BPD. She'll blame herself if she looked up information about it, and get all upset. I don't want that on my plate as well. My foster sister doesn't know how many hospital admissions I've had, nor the SH episodes. Sometimes I've told her I'm in hospital for other reasons. My foster sister is under the illusion that nothing is too difficult to fix.

No, don't want to talk about the cruise ship job except to say it was a 20year dream, and I feel totally crushed.

The first anniversary is being barred from work last year. Its coming up in a few weeks. Despite my poor memory this one thing I remember clearly, and it was a humiliating and distressing time due to certain things happening.

[outlander]

nope @Sans911 i dont think its a personal refelction, you would usually say something if it was.
Right now it is a s**t time and you need some help getting through and thats more than ok. and sometimes its hard to even say 'i need help' or even fidn the words to ask.


ah but you are here, even without words. i appreciate you following along though when you can though.


even though your having trouble talking about your feelings, just by what your writing im gettting a pretty good picture of how your feeling or at least on some levels.

no one except here knows i have bpd either, sometimes its to complicated to explain. mental health is hard esp when people dont really understand it or know how to help.


thats more than ok, you dont have to talk about it.

would it help to create a plan on coping over the next few weeks or even just for the extra hard upcoming days? im happy to help you if you like....

[outlander]

hello @Teej

[Teej]

Hi @outlander.

just quietly reading in the background, thought I’d like so you knew I was here. Haven’t got much to say except I’m thinking of you both. 💜🤗

[Teej]

Sorry if that didn’t make much sense. My brain is fried. 

[outlander]

thats ok @ teej

[Teej]

Sorry @Sans911. Meant to say hi to you too 👋

[Sans911]

Don't be sorry @Teej

Thanks for saying hi. Hi back to you. I know I haven't been very present the last few days.

@outlander

Not getting notifications. I've got to feed cats and I'll be back