~ The Toolshed ~

[AuntGlow]

I am glad insight has been helpful! What revelations have you had? @Meowmy 

[Meowmy]

@AuntGlow hey Auntglow,  I am learning about my own communication styles in relationship and learning to deal with insecurities and anxiety

[PeppyPatti]

Im feeling  insecure @AuntGlow 

But I'll feel okay soonish. 

@Jynx @Meowmy @Sparky79 @Cuddlebear Narcissism @TAB 

[AuntGlow]

Gah, I understand this feeling well @PeppyPatti. What is making you feel this way exactly? 

And @Meowmy, it sounds like you may be able to relate here! What has been helping you to manage some of your insecurities? Perhaps we can all help each other here? 🥰

[Meowmy]

@AuntGlow hey Auntglow,  having identified my perfectionist insecurity traits. It helps a lot day yo day. First to work on being loved while imperfect. Learn worthiness rather than achievements.  Write down fears and insecurities. To work out how to feel safe , loved and well.

Hope that helps

[AuntGlow]

This is wonderful! So many great strategies. What are some things you really love about your imperfect self? @Meowmy 🥰

[Meowmy]

@AuntGlow hey Auntglow,  even though I am imperfect, I am really,worthy ha ha

[Jynx]

We are all perfectly imperfect hey!! Love this journey you're on @Meowmy 😊

For me, one big part of my journey has been to re-define what 'success/succeeding' is for myself. The goals and ideas I inherited - from family values and social conditioning - ended up becoming sources of stress rather than motivation. There were so many messages about 'get a good career' and 'raise a family' and even the work I would do... I remember telling my folks I wanted to get into acting and they told me 'oh you'll just end up waiting tables' - simultaneously putting down TWO vocations (acting and service industry). 

Took me ages to carve out my own definitions of what a successful life looks like - and for me now, it's focused far more on community values, like building healthy relationships and giving back where I can (i.e. right here on the forums!). I don't own a house, I'm not married, I don't want kids, and I definitely don't make a lot of money. According to the values I grew up with, I'm a MASSIVE failure!! And I couldn't be happier about it, hehehe

Hi @PeppyPatti definitely can throw us off when we feel insecure hey. How do you tend to manage yours? Me, it does depend on what I'm feeling insecure about but reminding myself of my strengths definitely helps! 

TY for sharing @Sparky79 hehe especially love that one about confidence - it's not 'people will like me' it's 'I will be fine if people don't like me'!! 

[Meowmy]

@Jynx thanks very much for the thoughts

[PeppyPatti]

Hi @Jynx  I so like your message. I've read it several times.

@Meowmy @AuntGlow @Sparky79 @Cuddlebear @Glisten @ENKELI @TAB @MissinTooth @Sparky79 @Bill16 @Appleblossom @StuF @Bunniekins 

I come from an academic family. My two younger brothers found their paths outside  academics 

I actually chose to lean into my vulnerability, I  cleaned houses to pay for therapy.

Was that a "life drive"?

My youngest brother, a  successful photographer, once flew me out to San Francisco. His work ethic is beyond me—it's incredibly full-on. I'm the only one of my siblings who chose therapy, and I've been at it for about 40 years now.

Today, I'm genuinely comfortable being a "zero," as my ex-husband and I  call each other. What do I have? Nothing. 

A sewing machine. A pencil. 

 I'm  proud of my sons. My youngest, who spent many years in hospitals, is 31, both quite damaged and incredibly empathetic, working hard at Woolworths. Like many his age, he's can't do relationships. He still lives with two high school friends. One who has this incredible IQ who sleeps all day and plays internet games all night. 

My oldest, a whiz-bang lawyer in therapy himself, is  extraordinarily empathetic but keeps his profession quiet. 

He's trying to reconnect with his brother, but my youngest isn't quite ready. What do I do? 

Nothing, 

 Their journey is theirs.

So, I've lived much of my life feeling like I had no immediate family support. My brothers were too traumatized , and I was so consumed by my own pain that I couldn't  see theirs. 

I'm truly comfortable being a "nothing."  My husband is incredibly kind, even okay with my ex-husband being cared for by us. I'm pleased it's worked out and the outcome of this is he is accepting more support workers .....

 My therapist  visited when I got married, just to see the actual wedding itself she was laughing about how my ex seemed quite jealous of my husband and vice versa. 

So here we are, living this little "non-life," where all my little studies aren't  used. I'm perfectly comfortable using AI when I write forum questions on Quora, too – 

I was thinking - years ago I was this hidden away reader of all these difficult books.  All I did was read ...... That was past....maybe I can copy and paste these forum answers on Quora I write in and when I'm 70 if still alive I can write a novel....