A Dream I Had Last Month

[Silenus]

11th July...

Last night I dreamed that I went round to Mick Jagger's and Keith Richards' secret luxury mansion. We drank lots, smoked some weed, did some acid. I invited them out for a night of fun and frolics. They agreed to come along. I thought we had an awesome night of grand adventure. I called them the day after, but they wouldn't return my calls. I went round and knocked on their door. I asked why they didn't want to talk to me. Mick told me I was boring...

[Silenus]

The more real our problems become, the more we escape to the unreal...

[Silenus]

Hi @Former-Member... 🙂

I think I would face the ground too...

Giggle...

I face the sky, so Death can kiss my arse,
I face the ground, so I can see the end of this farce...

Hahaha...
What a choice...
Do you yell?
Do you use your voice
As you fell?
Do you enjoy the final soar,
Spread your wings and fly?
Do you let out a mighty roar,
Or a contented or resigned sigh?

[Former-Member]

I spread my wings and fly
And enjoy the freedom

[Silenus]

So anyhoo...

Still working full time, half of it interstate with lots and lots of driving for my daily commute...

My bipolar is being an absolute fecker at the moment, and has been for the past couple of months... work and stress and sleep disturbances combining to flare up in multiple bouts of rapid cycling, a mixed episode, and just generally having absolutely no idea what my moods, thoughts and emotions are doing...

I face it all without judging, without questioning, without trying to make any rhyme or reason of it...

It's just dumb chemical imbalances in my noodle, manifesting as one heck of a wild ride. Not a fan, but it is what it is...

I guess the best take-home positive from it all is that I reckon 2 years ago I wouldn't have stood a snowball's chance in hell of being resilient or strong enough to hack it...

Grits teeth...

Two months to go on this contract, but I have a sneaky suspicion that they will want to extend...

How will Si respond? I don't even know what I'll be feeling in 2 minutes, much less 2 months... gggnnggrrrhhhh...

Hugs and odd-mixed-up-kind-of-happy-kind-of-dunno-what vibes beaming to you all.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Silenus

The world is mine to chose
After all the abuse
The world is mine to chose

If I stay or if I go
It'll be so
If I stay or if I go

I spread my wings
There are no strings
I spread my wings

I fly away
No need to stay
I fly away

[Former-Member]

@Silenus

100% - no idea what the next minute will bring.

How's work after a long break? What did you end up doing? Lost my work since we last spoke. Getting by. Starting "fresh". Would just like to walk and swim in the sea all day and play with puzzle and paint pictures, cuddle teddy bears.

[Silenus]

Untitled

Oh how I've wanted to drop it all and run
Too foolish to be straight, too serious to be fun;
This stain on my brain driving me insane,
This dart in my heart tearing me apart;
Anhedonia and dissociation come to take me away,
I know not what I do, I care not what I say.

[Silenus]

The work part of it is okay I guess, @Former-Member. It was a bit of a shock to the system after such a lengthy break from full time employment.

I'm doing technical writing at the moment... at the best of times I have absolutely no idea about money and business procedures and things like that, and they've got me writing risk analysis stuff, weighted average cost of capital (wtf is that?) and a whole bunch of stuff that I would never want to touch with a 10 foot barge pole...

But... humans expect me to have money to be able to pay for food and drink, and to keep the fires of our society stoked... so, I do the good little slave thing and pretend to be human...

I think I've got most of them fooled... hahaha...

[Former-Member]

Good on you @Silenus

Isn't that the grand plan? Fool the rest!?

5 months into unemployment and nearly 2 years into part time employment I don't think I'll ever get to where I was, nor do I want to. My goal posts have changed.