Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[Former-Member]

@Flower, is that you?  I hear you If you come back to read through.

You were heard

every word

War continues in your mind

there is peace for you to find

In this land that's not your own

you can sit on calmness throne.

[patrickT]

Hi Silenus,

I agree so strongly with what you've said. Writing has helped me lay out so many ideas in front of me that I can explore in a different kind of format, detached from my psyche. It really has helped me see my own progression as well, able to move back and forth from stages of my own mental illness and identify positive changesas they come about. I maintain a blog that I display publically on social media and this alone has allowed many friends to come to me with questions and advice regarding their own mental health and that itself is something that impacts me positively and regularly. Being able to harness the power of writing is a valuable thing.

[Former-Member]

Hello @patrickT, if you put an @ symbol before the persons name like @Silenus, they will receive a notification of your post 🙂 Otherwise sometimes they may miss 🙂

[patrickT]

Thanks @Former-Member! Sorry, new to the forums and still learning things 🙂

[outlander]

Pathetic Loser = Me

[Mazarita]

Oh, I just feel like raving again. So here goes...

It was a special anniversary day here yesterday. Can't say more than that on the forum. A happy day. It's funny how it was like so many other days I live, days that usually involve some strong degree of depression. The difference with my happy day was simply the mood, and the strong impulse I found within myself to enjoy life as much as possible on this special day. 

It makes me wonder why I find it so hard to do something like it on every other day of my year. Why can't I allow myself to be happy more? My life is pretty good. There's bad stuff in my past. But it is past, some of it very long past. I wonder if I could actually get over it at some point. Maybe not completely. Maybe that's not even desirable. But, even if very gradually, perhaps an accumulation of healing over time might give hope of a better future. Even despite approaching senior years and the setbacks that can come with that. Did I imagine the study I read that indicated seniors are happier?

Not sure it's worth posting this post. But maybe I will anyway. In the interest of expressing what comes to mind without too much censorship.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Mazarita

I am really glad you had one really good day - that is always good news and great sharing

What can't you enjoy more of your time? Maybe the tough stuff in your past still need resolution - the past cannot be changed - we know that - but our feelings about it can - acceptance is hard but it's the only way. Still - I do understand what you are saying

Perhaps your depression is chemical - I don't know - but about the senior years and whether they are happier.

For me they are - the really rough parts of my life are in the past and thoroughly thought through. Forigiving people for my sake is helpful. I think there is a lot of thought that we forgive the people who have wronged us for their sake - uh uh - we do it for ourselves

As I get older the past matters less and the good parts of my memories are something I do visit often - I had some really great times when I had the chance. After my husband and I finally sold the house and I started to live alone I had a second adolesence - I had fun - and then I got older and I see people differently and enjoy the differences. And I see life as a Sit  Com and get a lot out of the humour of being

It took a long time to get here - but here I am. Your post seems to ask a question - is this research of a kind - for my part - I had reactive depression and was anxious about my son to an unreal degree - that said and done - I don't have as much to battle with

And as far as I can see - having pain in my body and pain in my mind - the mental pain, emotional pain - the pain in the soul - this is all far worse than pain in the body

I will be interested in what you have to say

Dec

[Mazarita]

Hi @Owlunar,

I've slept for many hours after my sickness earlier in the evening. Awake again, seems like a good time to respond to your post. Thanks for responding to my earlier one.

Yes, there is tough stuff in my past life (a lot of it) that remains with me. I did so much talk therapy earlier in my life that was about dealing with some of this stuff. It led me into a lot of dark places and left me still haunted, perhaps even more so than before I started. I tend not to go into the past stuff that much these days because it seems fairly futile, given past experiences with therapy to address this.

Your suggestion that the depression I experience might be chemical is probably more applicable. I read recently that that 80% of bipolar is due to genetic causes (Black Dog Institute).

It's good to hear you describing your senior years in positive terms. How amusing it must be to see life as a sit com! The humour of being, yes. I laugh at a lot of things too, seems to help.

Mental, emotional and spiritual pain can indeed feel more intense than physical pain and, for me, mental illness has been more all-pervasive in my life. At the same time, some of the most overwhelmingly painful experiences I have had have been in acute phases of Crohns Disease. But part of the difficulty I have had with dealing with physical illness has been in fact related to how it stirs up my mental illness as well. It's a nasty soup at times.

Fortunately, even struggling with daily depression, my life at 55 is much more livable than it was earlier on. So even at this early stage of my senior years, I agree with the idea that happiness levels may increase as we age in some ways.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Mazarita

I am glad you were able to sleep off whatever made you ill - it must have been something you ate - I guess that has to happen now and again - wow - really bad

Sheesh 55 seems so young - I was younger than you when I hurt my back - wow - how the years fly past

Dealing with the issues in our past can take us to some strange and dark places - I had repressed memories surface during my mother's funeral - I wanted to get up and run out of the chapel but my sister-in-law and her husband held me down - I hardly ever cry but cry I did - in public - the past came around and bit me big time - I hear you.

I had a few sessions of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy - it didn't take long to see the sense of trying to forget the past or trying to remember it either - it worked for me but the last therapist I saw was the last so far in a long list of helpful people

Biochemical depression has to be harder to deal with than reactive depression - we might have to wait for time to past and things to change with reactive depression but from what I gather and what you say the Black Dog is a different colour - always black of course - and Bipolar is unpredicatable - and scary - having one's mood change so radically and suddenly must make it hard to start the day

I'm getting older - and even that has it's funny side - I could tell a tale and often do - but it's true that as the bothers of my earlier life fall into the past they bother me a whole lot less - most anyway - and life is funny - people are funny - I have the time to think about what happens and write about it - 

I have a lot of people coming to my home to help with my domestic chores and take me shopping and today I am waiting for someone to come and clean the filters on my A/C. Of course I waited all day yesterday and I have still got my dressing gown on hoping this will draw them here but alas - I had better get dressed anyway. Some of the things that happen with other people - esp if I don't know them - has to be seen in a humerous manner or I would go crazy - eg - to be standing outside my door with my key in my hand and often having someone say "Have you got your keys?"

That one has to make me laugh to prevent dementia from sneaking in if I took it seriously - anyway - life is funny some of the time and for me that time seems to have waited until I was older

From what I have learned Chrons Disease is a condition that flares up under stress and of course - stress would happen with such an issue - Prince Albert - husband of Queen Victoria - is supposed to have had that - not pleasant and very tiring and stressful etc - I hear you

I really hope today is okay for you

Dec

[Mazarita]

Hi @Owlunar,

Yes, recovered well from the bilious attack last night. I'm not sure what it was. Might have been food. Might have been an emotional response to a difficult social occasion that happened earlier yesterday. I am very sensitive in my body to emotions. There have been many times stress has manifested in physical symptoms in me.

It's great to hear 55 described as young. The years do fly past quickly and I'm surprised to find myself this age already!

How awful to have a repressed memory surface at the time of your mother's funeral. I hope you have been able to since process it, and that it no longer causes you pain.

Like you, I hardly ever cry these days. But I have had an odd thing happening for the past decade or so where my eyes water very easily and I have to wipe away the 'tears' quite often. I have wondered if this is hormonal at this time of my life. Others (psychologist and psychiatrist) have suggested it could be repressed emotions surfacing involuntarily.

Bipolar is unpredictable. It has made it difficult to start a very large amount of days. At present (this week) I'm feeling much more positive about things though. I have enjoyed being me this week, even despite the social and sickness difficulties yesterday. It's great to be able to say that, for as long as it lasts.

It's so heartening to hear you say that aging has its funny side. I agree even at my spring chicken stage of it. For example, despite the discomfort, I find the hot flashes I get with menopause funny.

I had a good giggle too when you said you were still in your dressing gown to try to bring the a/c person to your door. Hope they've been and gone by now.

Thanks for your good wishes for today. It has been a good one. I hope yours has treated you well too.