Anyone feel like chatting?

[Queenie]

Hello @outlander, @Bimby2, @MDT and @Ney and welcome to respite! I have internet access here on a dinosaur of a computer. The net nanny keeps blocking this forum for profanity (which the thought kinda makes me giggle really!) for some reason. But I am getting through it. So far I've been for a walk, but seeing as the respite house is on a main arterial road to the city, I don't like the hustle and bustle very much at all, so therefore am staying put.

I won at pool (by default - the white ball was sunk on the black) against a staff member. He is very good at pool, I should ask him for a few pointers! I am really missing my Mrs and I am sure she is really missing me. I am finding the afternoon dragging on because I don't know how to fill my day. It's only day one! I did manage to find the bus station to the big shopping centre if I feel like venturing out that far (kind of paranoid I'll get lost).

The staff are very friendly and accommodating, so hopefully it all goes well.

[outlander]

I cant be here
I dont know whats wrong
Something feels wrong
I cant be here

[MDT]

hey @outlander

are you okay? you sound like you are experiencing some pretty low moods

please know that you are worthwhile and you deserve to be here!

Do you have an emergency strategy in place?

sorry for my delayed reply but I've been busy today

please remember its okay to be feeling like this at times, its part of anxiety and depression

[outlander]

 good on you @Queenie im glad your respite place is nice

good to hear from you

[outlander]

@MDT i dont know. i dont know anything. i cant identify anything its jsut all jumbled and smushed together.

i know its safe here but for some reason i dont feel it and its me.  i dont feel like me.

i dont deserve to be here. i dont deserve anything except all the crap im already dealing with- why not add some more to it while its happening. why friggin not!

and no i dont have an emergency strategies

[Bimby2]

Good evening @Queenie from @Bimby2

[CheerBear]

Hi @outlander. I'm trying to find where to post to you but am getting lost! I got those cards ready and decided that something I am grateful for today is music. I am totally wrecked tonight and not up to drawing though, but if you want to set a challenge, or do a drawing, or start a thread tonight/whenever I am interested in seeing and/or hearing about it and will cheer you on (and jump in when I am feeling a bit better).

I hope today has been good for you and tonight is ok for you too.

[MDT]

@outlanderTake it very easily. It's okay to feel that things are jumbled and smushed together.. but that doesn't mean that they are.

You are in a rough patch and you ought to give yourself credit for reaching out in the way that you have on here 🙂

You do deserve to be here - that's the depression talking.

You do deserve MORE than the crap you are dealing with.

I can tell by what you've said in previous posts that you are a genuine person and you really do have a voice that's unique.

I hope you can see that soon 🙂

For now it's rough. I know what that is like - second guessing everyone's intentions, feeling undeserving (just because) and it's almost as if it was okay that you were copping all this crap. The reality is that you DON'T deserve. NEVER tell yourself this.

I hope you really remember that you are worth it!

Do you have Lifeline's number? they are very helpful and I would highly recommend talking to them ! They've helped me on many occassions. Alternatively you could possibly speak to the hospital?

Please keep in touch though. I'm concerned for you at this point.

Take care 🙂

- Hamsolo01

[outlander]

@CheerBear thats ok tbh im not up for it either. atm i dont know what to do. i dont deserve to be here with all your and everyone elses support. i dont. i feel like im wasting everyones time and energy.

i hope tonight eases up for you and tomorrows a better day

[outlander]

@MDT

the only way things are going to go easy and thats sleeping. if and when i can get some sleep.  in this mood its safer to sleep.

i dont deserve to be here, thats me talking. how can i be different people, i dont even think thats possible except with DID and i dont have that.

helplines dont help me. the hspital will be a maximum 3 night stay and becasue im not self harming- i can feel that coming on too- dont know if ill fight it this time. they wont keep accepting me into it

i dont care what happens to me anymore, why not keeping piling things on

i want to go hideaway and never come out