Anyone feel like chatting?

[Ney]

I'm scared. I'm scared they will tell me to have a shower or something equally I can't do right now . Scared I'll hear tomorrow is another day scared I'll be assessed for risk when I'm not a risk tonight, I'm a risk when I'm kid free Friday. I'm scared that my reasons for feeling this way iis trivial , I'm scared underneath it all I'm actually a Bad person and maybe where I am now is a result of me being me , I'm scared it's all too late ;(

[Former-Member]

It's a reasonable list of fears @Ney.  Not the one about you being Bad though. I can't believe anyone who chooses your avatar has that potential.  You're really articulate within a post - are you ever able to do that within a call?  Tell them what you need and what won't help?  I love it when someone does that where I work.  No-one wants to provide dud help but without guidance it can work out that way despite the best intentions. 

[outlander]

Aww @MDT that really sucks!
Hey @Ney im sround now. Do 1 thing for me take a few deep breaths. Can you do that for me?

[Ney]

I'm really trying @outlander I can't stop the pitiful crys or the suffocating feeling , I just keep coming back the same @suzzanne I'm here because I've tried calling a couple of times before and I always end up feeling like they need to free the line up and it makes me feel even more that I just want it all to end ;( what lead me here last week was trying to call hearing someone bubbly and panicking and hanging up. I honestly I'm in such a state I'm honestly thinking logistically that other than it f------- up my mum and kids , I'm a negative space ;( parts of my body feel numb like I've had local anethetic , my brain hurts and my hearts racing , I told my bestest friend who lives four doors away at 8pm how bad I am and needing a friend ... I told them I'm so alone I told them I'm not ok ... I asked them to talk... but maybe because I haven't done anything yet I'm just someone that cries wolf? Because when it comes down to it I do have a very real fear of death , I just can't find clarity now , and with them not even acknowledging me it feels like .... I'm nothing ... I'm feeling everything ... but I am nothing

[outlander]

@Ney
Your not worthless. And your not a bad person either. Your someone who needs help and deserves help. You need support to get through this. It doesnt work on your own ive tried it.
If you cant ring them what about going on their chat? Then you can't here how they sound. And like @Former-Member said can you just tell them what you need?

Take a few more slow deep breaths. Count to breathe in hold for 3 slowly release then breathe in again. You feel like your suffocating because your holding your breathe ir taking fast shallow breaths.

[outlander]

Thank you @CheerBear ❤

[Former-Member]

Thank you @outlanser but remember even God ordains that we deserve love and forgiveness and new beginnings. Were all evolving / growing into maturity, learning to weather life's hard knocks, become stronger, wiser... You're doing the hard yards and I'm so proud of you for that. Be strong. 🙂 💜
🌷🌿

[outlander]

@Former-Member ❤
I can only be as strong as my mind will allow me to be. Your support even when your not here is still with me ❤❤

[Ney]

I just don't know anymore ;( I'll try sleep try breathing I just don't know how much longer I can do this ;( , thanks so much for putting up with me on the forum people I feel bad putting it on here I'm so alone ;(

[outlander]

Keep posting here if it helps @Ney we are here listening 💕