-Enigma-

[Former-Member]

I have given up now - no one can say it was not without a fight. But then no one on heaven and earth would give a damn anyway. I gave from the heart and it was a joy to help others. I felt such peace with that. I never did it for anything in return ever, I did it because I truly cared and felt so much genuine compassion towards others. I was promised dreams and peace would come true even though I never asked. It felt so good to know I made someone's lives a bit better.

Why is it that people like me are then faced with so much heartache, injustice, trauma and adversity that seeks to do everything in its power to destroy that good, to take the little good and peace I had, to utterly destroy me. Why?

I had always been there when possible others times of need - now that I truly need someone I have been all but abandoned by those I knew and those in the spirit.  I realise now everything was a lie and feel utterless helpless and lost. I have lost everything and don't see the point in being here. I hope I don't wake up to another day of despair.

[mufasa]

Hi @Former-Member

I'm terribly sorry to hear you are feeling so lonely and to hear you express so much disappointment in various life experiences. 
I'm very worried about you and have sent you an email. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️💕 @Former-Member ......

[Maggie]

@Former-Member I know you don't want a response and might not even read this, but everything you have written applies to me right now too. All I have to offer right now is that you are not alone. I know you don't know me and it means little.....I hear you in my heart..

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Maggie and @mufasa. It nice to know I am not totally alone. I can't talk now as I am really in a very dark place, the intense sadness and helplessness is overwhelming me. I can't help but wonder that the abuses and mistreatment thrown at me and being so alone in it is not normal. It's does help to know there are a few good people out there  whom have beautiful compassion. Beautiful people even though you are so few. It helps. Thank you. All I can do for now is lye in bed...

[Sans911]

@Former-Member - I know you are saying you can't talk right now, but I hope you at least read this post too and know that you are definitely not alone. Everything in your post right now I can relate too as I was recently in that very dark place. I felt incredibly helpless (still do a little), overwhelmed and alone. And being abused and feeling alone is not normal, but we can heal, slowly and surely a little at a time. So I'm right here with you now, and I hope things get better for you real soon.

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member I realised I posted a response in the wrong thread - that is where my head is at right now- so apologies if you receive it twice but it is important to me that you do receive it.

@OverTheEdge We have been along this road together now for many months. I hear your despair and your torment and feel it within me also. This road is so tough and it has presented us both along our journey's with pain and hurt that no-one should ever have to witness let alone go through themselves. 

Do I want to keep living this life - NO.

Will I see the sunrise each day and despair that I am still alive - YES. 

Can I see a future where things are any different - NO.

But do I have the support of wonderful people to remind me every day that I AM still here - in whatever capacity that is for me at the moment - and that they are here with me - YES.

As alone and as defeated as I feel right now, the love and support of genuine, true, compassionate people - just like you - keep me from ending all this pain permanently.

You were the one that held me up when I first 'failed' at this - you were the one that gave me the strength to face each day, you were the one that was honest and direct and told me what I needed to hear - and that was that although it seems impossible to see a life without the past dictating my present and my future there is hope. While there is life there is hope @OverTheEdge - and the hope that was provided for me at that time came from YOU.

I understand the feeling of being defeated, of wanting to give in to fighting through each day and of ending the constant pain within - I truly do. But I also know that what you have given me through my 'battles' words cannot fully describe - love, comfort, truth, support, compassion, honesty and hope - all from you, and more often than not at times when I genuinely needed to be held up to keep going. I believe that it takes a very special person to be able to provide all this to others - especially when they are going through their own 'battles' at the same time. You are this person @OverTheEdge - you are special - you mean so much to me because of it - and the world is a better place for you being in it.

Sending you all my love, strength and courage ...always sweetheart...

Zoe 

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Former-Member .... I can relate to that incredible crushing lonliness and sense of betrayal after spending so much time and effort in loving support of others ..... and I too couldnt see forward to a way out of the darkness, but I didn't lose hope that one day it would change.

All I could do in the interim was just float ..... and breathe ...... nothing else.  I didn't have the strength or courage to swim, and had no direction to swim towards ..... but the light did re-dawn ..... even as the Earth turns and dawn arrives for us each day after a period of night-time darkness .....

Hold on through the night .....

We are here with you .....

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope

I am really in bad way, haven't moved out of bed all day. I have failed in strength my friend - that light inside extinguished. No love in sight....just an endless dread and helplessness. Not sure if I can come back from this. Not sure what's next.,,,seems like nothing I have ever done meant anything at all. I am nothing

[Faith-and-Hope]

I hear you @Former-Member ......

Just rest on Bed Island for now ...... rest .....

Do you have a counsellor you see ?