I am- Overwhelmed & Traumatised I need your support!!

[Former-Member]

I have realised why I am like I am, I have had one traumatic life changing experience after another in my life. I looked in the mirror & went into shock as I didn't recognize myself. I have been running on near empty now for many years. The whole experience which led up to the Major life saving Spinal Surgery, which I had 15 month ago, has drained & frightened me so much that I am concerned about everything now. My family & any friends I ever had are distant, & have no sincere care or understanding for me, they do not care. I am all alone & not knowing what to do about anything, the nitmares, anxiety attackes, & feelings of not coping, can be crippling?  Can you understand & relate to what I have shared, & would you like to help in some way, by sharing anything that I can use too, that will help?

Thank you,

Bella

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

Sorry to read you are feeling so overwhelmed. I can relate to the anxiety attacks, nightmares and the crippling feeling of not coping as that is how I felt years ago after my breakdown. It's scary.

I did have my husband's help but felt alone as no one really understood what I was going through.

Is there any way you can get back in touch more with family and friends? Feeling not as isolated can help. Or if this is not possible, does your physical capabilities allow you now to connect a little on the outside? Where that be in the way of volunteer work or pursuing interests where you can make new friends and acquaintances within your limitations? That helped me. As did engaging in my embroidery at home. Keeping myself as occupied as possible within my limits. It was something I had to work up to by pushing myself each day. I am in a better place now.

I think having someone to talk to helps - particularly a good counsellor, social worker or psychologist. And face to face support groups of people going through similar may also lessen the isolation. I found isolation feeds depression and the ability to cope, so the more I got out the stronger I became. Depends how mobile one is. I hope that has helped a little Bella x

[greenpea]

@Former-Member Hi Bella I am so sorry that you are feeling this down. Our glamorous favourite forums girl shouldn't be doing it so hard. I agree with -Enigma- counselling in groups or by yourself to begin with sounds like a great way to start opening up your trust with other people which I know can be very hard to do.

You could do a bit of volunteer work here and there anything that gets you out of the house for a couple of hours a week to begin with. It is hard but I know you are a strong woman considering all you have been through. 

We love our beautiful Bella. Yours greenpea:) xx

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member
Thank you -Enigma- what you have shared with me, & your love & care has made me feel not so alone now. I feel I'm in a torture chamber of a life & I am trying to understand what I am doing or done to bring this on myself?
I have always loved, animals, nature, my family, friends, & GOD, with all my heart. Yet I grew up not loving or even liking myself. I always, & still do put most things, & people, before my own needs & self. My self image & value was stolen from me as a very young child, by my Fathers cruel, careless way of talking to me, & labeling me as, fat & ugly continually, right into my teens, & I believed him.
I remember when for a medical reason I had gained weight. I knew I was over weight, but I was not unhealthy just in a process of healing. I walked past my Father as he was hosing the Roses in the front garden of our home. I was happy & just doing my thing, I said hello Dad & smiled, Dad looked at me, & instead of smiling & returning my hello, he said, Bella you could go a whole month without eating anything with all that weight you have on.
I with drew further, & my self esteem, the little I did have got ripped to shreds by my Dads cruel heart braking words. I will just leave it there for now, I am starting to relive it all in my mind at the moment.

Maybe you can relate to something similar or understand how words are like weapons that damage & leave life time scares, if not healed with, the right support, love, & care, & forgiveness, in time, so that I/we can move on & see the real person & not believe in a lie forever!

I love You -Enigma-

Bella xxxooo 🙂

[Former-Member]

@greenpea My Sweet Pea

I am crying so much now, I wish you were here to hug me, I sincerely mean that.

I may sound like a baby with what I am about to share, but I sorta feel like one at this moment....I have a Teddy Bear here that was given to me before I went to have pre-cancer cells removed out of my ....in surgery a few years ago. A lady from,The Woman Ministry @ Church, came & prayed for my healing & gave me a, beautiful Poem, that she wrote for me, & Boaz ( I named him) He sits on my bed every day. I cuddle him when I am upset, or lonely. I am cuddling Boaz now as I am pretending that you are Boaz!
Your love & care has & is touching my heart deep down, Your Love, & @Former-Member Love is helping me so much thank you just doesn't seem enough?

(((((((GPMSP))))))))xxx

Love
Bella 🙂

[Former-Member]

It pains me to read of the hurt you endured @Former-Member. Words can leave scars my friend, I can relate - but only if we believe them. Seeing the ugly side in people can leave me cold and disillusioned so I gravitate towards the genuine and warm souls these days that nurture my worth. That is healing.

You are a beautiful person and you can believe in you and your worth and let it shine in the world. Others need you too.

The right support and love can heal all. To me the latter is the most important thing in ones life. This is what has helped me heal together with what I mentioned above, as I suffered horrific child abuse and many betrayals and hurts in life. I can relate to mental scars but it's how I deal with them that sees me move forward. That's the key.

Know that I am always here for you as a friend to listen and chat anytime you feel overwhelmed and in pain, or just when you feel like talking bout anything. Sending a warm hug your way 🤗x

[Former-Member]

@outlander

please come over to this thread, you can add all you want about your, what is happening to you as I believe we are both going through the same things at the same time but for our own reasons.

Love & hugs!
Bella xxxxxxxx & More 🙂

[Appleblossom]

Was thinking about you at my concert tonight @Former-Member

Beautiful words from the PSALMS.

@outlander is a bit vulnerable atm

[outlander]

@Former-Member ❤

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member
I'm in tears again, not sad tears emotional yet down in my heart, I feel your sincere Love & care & I feel a connection with you & its  wonderful & life saving, a reason to want to some how let the abuse & words of destruction of my being a valuable human being go.  Have hope of healing & putting it where its was always designed & planned to be. You are helping me to overcome maybe through our opening up & knowing that its a safe thing & at this time in my journey through this life its meant to be & not a burden on someone, or anyone, as we can come together & lovingly heal & know that its ok to be me. I don't want to have all this mental torture anymore I never wanted it & I want to be set free as I can not take it anymore I have been carrying such a heavey load around for so many years & I just did not know how to get rid of it & if I could ever get rid of it, because it sorta attached its self to my brain & just would not let go, or that's how it seems? like some sort of growth that needs removal that there is no known cure for?

I hope I wasn't too deep & descriptive?? 😞 its just how I was seeing it in my mind then.

Bless you -Enigam- I love you more than words can say! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx & more!

PS

I had to edit as I left so many words out it wasn't making sence to me when I read it back!  🙂