I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

[outlander]

I dont know how much longer i can keep going on like this anymore. I feel completely defeated right about now

[Owlunar]

What has happened @outlander

[Queenie]

Imagine our big hug pile again @outlander. Has something untoward happened to make you feel like this?

[outlander]

Yes everytime i talk to someone i always end up hurt

'No one can help you'

'You need a job'

'You need to open up more'

'Stop worrying about stupid things'

These were things told to me in a convo not to long ago by someone i trusted

Thatll teach me. Im not talking to anyone anymore.

Honestly i cant keep going on like this. Apparently being a carer isnt a job. Neither is my second job

I dont trust anyone anymore. How can i. Im shutting up now.

[Owlunar]

Hi @outlander

You have got two jobs - you care for your Pop and you tend the horses - you get paid for these so they are work - 

I thought your psych was going to help you and I am wondering about that,

So - you can feel okay about employment - and also - as far as I can tell you open up with us here and you aren't thinking stupid things

You are also working as a full-time slave for your mother - and you're not being paid for that

I said I didn't want to interfer and that's true - I don't want to interfer - I feel anything I say about your home situation is interferring but I will say it if you want me too

Dec

[outlander]

it didnt come from my mother or her bf for once @Owlunar it was someone else

[Queenie]

@outlander there's no need to shut up here, we're all here to listen and to support you.

Obviously, the person you are talking about doesn't know the real you, your situation in being a carer and often having to look after your siblings also. If they don't know the real you or the real situation you're in, I ask you are they really worth listening to? 

Being a carer to your Pop, as well as your siblings and also your second job takes a lot out of you. You were studying and doing a great job at that.

Be rest assured there are people who can help you and that you are deserving of that help. Do not doubt that for a second. Living with mental health issues, makes people more vulnerable to being hurt sometimes. It shows you are a caring person because if you didn't care, you wouldn't feel hurt.

[outlander]

@Queenie they know my situation. they know pretty much everything about me including the things i dont say on here (becasue i cant-identiy issues) and then they come out and say that.

it breaks me heart. i just dont want to do it anymore. mayeb i should jsut quit everything.

is it really worth keeping on keeping one. im really questioning it and my honest answer is no i dont think it is.

i cant trust anyone. i will never be good enough. it doesnt matter how much i change i will always be the mistake to everyone not jsut family now

[Owlunar]

I hear you @outlander

You know you are working all day long and had to have some sick leave from your second job  - all the work you do at home is unpaid but it's still work

Many people have trouble with believing unhelpful people - I believed the physiotherapist last week and cried for ages - that wasn't good - I let myself be upset by someone who doesn't know me at all and doesn't count - so yes - it happens to anyone

Was it your psych that said this?  -  cause when it comes to my interferring I am wondering about your psyche

Dec

[Queenie]

If they are close to you and know your story, I say it is incredibly heartless of them to say such mean things to you @outlander. 

For the record, I don't think anyone here on the boards thinks of you that way at all. I realise how something someone says in RL says can really throw you, but don't allow yourself to be taken by their negativity. Don't allow your thoughts to be hooked by them my friend.

Sitting with you....