I'm in a nest

[CheerBear]

Thanks @outlander. I knew my head was in a very dangerous place, but now I'm feeling more ok I am beginning to really realise how long it's been really bad for. I have these really strange feelings at the moment - I think it's called 'calm' haha 😉

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. You don't have to worry about putting a down on me if you want to chat about it. I'm pretty good at looking after myself here now which is why I have been quiet here for the last little while and why I've been limiting what I reply to. I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't in a place to be able to deal with any answer you might have given me.

I think if you are at a point where you are really feeling like you can't go on like you are at the moment and you're doubting your ability to continue, then it's worth reaching out to find some support that will help you. What that looks like is different for everyone and it can be hard to work out what's going to be the best fit until you've tried something.

[CheerBear]

No sorries @outlander - you told me how you're going when I asked, and the last thing I feel you need right now is to be sorry for sharing your struggles.

I'm going to reply somewhere else, only because where I'll post moves quickly sometimes and I sort of like to spread some of my replies around (because I'm kind of super cautious with how much/where I post certain things). Making a cup of tea and I'll reply xxx

Ps - this calm is great. I'm not actually worried about it, I'm kind of just enjoying it and trusting that I can keep on keeping on now.

Back soon

[outlander]

that is not a problem at all- would you like me to remove this bit from your thread as well and post it elsewhere or its ok to be here? @CheerBear

ooh id love a cup of tea- ill make one too and chill here with you and tlak about general life things

im glad your liking this calm feeling it really is great 🙂

what movie were you and LF watching?  how are LF going with school and just in general?

[CheerBear]

No need to remove it @outlander - I'm posting my reply now 🙂

Cups of tea help lots!

The LF were watching Sing. It makes my ears hurt lol. They're super thanks. They're seriously cool 🙂

[outlander]

i love cups of teas too @CheerBear esp on cold days and nights

lol yes i remeber watching sing- gosh got a musical choir by the sound of it - maybe some ear muffs might help at least reduce the noise abit lol 😉

have you seen the new movie monster trucks? its a cool movie too and the 'monsters' are super cute!

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear I just wrote a super long post on my riding a wave thread, and then realised I'd missed responding to you about reading books together. I would super like that. My concentration is EXTREMELY poor at the moment - hence why it is taking me 2-3 hours to mark each of the assignments I'm marking. However, I am keen. I will try to get a copy of 'The body keeps the score' and join you in reading it. I have "The brain that changes itself" beside my bed, but haven't managed to read any of it in weeks. Maybe having a reading buddy will help. We could maybe start a book reading thread???

[CheerBear]

That sounds awesome! I love the idea of having a reading buddy/buddies @Phoenix_Rising 🙂 I've had The Brain that Changes Itself on my wishlist for a while. I had a decent collection of digital books but lost them in the big bang. Right now housing is subsidised through the housing program, and while I know I should be saving money, I am finding it important to replace lost things too as they're kind of important to me/us. Books are important to me. The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog is another you might like 🙂 Let me know whenever you're up for diving into a book and we can start a thread of you'd like! Glad this morning with A was ok.

For any nesters following along - today was a bit blegh because I've been feeling pretty sick throughout the day. Dizzy, upset tummy, feeling a bit scatter brained etc. I've missed two nights of one of my meds and I think it's what's behind it. One of my ADs has awful discontinuation symptoms and two nights seems to do it 😕 I got out of med routine after leaving the break place and have to get back into it asap. Mood and headspace wise I am doing well though. I had an appt with my MH worker today and we have some exciting plans once I'm ready to start again. Going to work on some more basic physical stuff first, like dentist, GP for meds, appt with surgeon etc. and once they're sorted I'll be right to start looking at joining some local groups and/or some volunteering stuff again. Baby steps and gently gently is what I'm aiming for at the moment.

Hope everyone is going well.

@Former-Member - been thinking of you and hoping you're ok. Sending you thoughts and best wishes 💛

[Former-Member]

@CheerBear can I please ask you some questions? Please only answer if you feel comfortable. What was the turning point for you to leave SI behind? What helped the most to get you to the point you know you can start again even though nothing in your situation has changed? I'm so desperately looking for things that I can hold on to. Suicide has consumed me. It's been so close again I can smell it and almost touch it. This afternoon I am trying to make a pact with myself to move forward, to find out how I move forward and find acceptance with the hard things. Please only answer if it is ok for you to do so.
I hope this finds you ok. 💜🤗💐

[Former-Member]

Posted at the same time @CheerBear 😊

[CheerBear]

Oh @Former-Member we posted to each other at exactly the same time 🙂 I'm so happy to hear from you and so glad you asked. I'm going to put some dinner on for the LF and give some thought to it, because I think your questions deserve a proper reply and also because I think it's super important for me to understand too.

Be back soon Teej. Huge hugs.