I'm in a nest

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member your timing isn't lousy at all. That is a super cool puzzle. I feel all warm and fuzzy to think that seeing me ride the waves helps you to feel calmer and to know that you too can ride them. That gives a sense of meaning to my muddle. I dream of changing the world. Perhaps I won't ever change THE world, but if I can make a tiny difference to SOMEONE'S world, well that will be good enough.

[CheerBear]

That depends on whether you like pom poms @Phoenix_Rising 😉 I kind of do. A lot. I've got the LF excited about pom pom making which means we're all going to Spotlight tomorrow. You can come along for the ride too if you'd like 😄

Love your puzzle @Former-Member 💗

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member @CheerBear,

Yep, it is SO difficult with (A). She simply cannot see it. It isn't that she doesn't care, or that she isn't trying, she simply can't step into my world. I was in SUCH chaos on Thursday and I so very very badly needed to just talk it out. She had told me in an email that she could only speak for five minutes and I felt I had to take it because I figured five minutes was better than nothing. But actually, it probably wasn't because at the end of the five minutes I was at the peak of emotion dysregulation and she ended the call. I was pleading with her to help me regulate and she kept saying that she thought I'd appreciate the fact that she had found five minutes in her day to call me. I felt utterly worthless. I felt (like I have a thousand times before in different situations) as though I should be grateful for any scrap of human contact that gets thrown my way. RockPool SUPER helped to balance that ickyness by not getting angry at me when I had a second lengthy conversation with her in the one day. (A) just doesn't get it, and she isn't going to get it. She keeps saying she's still getting to know me, but I know this isn't a matter of getting to know me. This is basic empathy.

And yet I stay because based on my experiences, I can see that she is the best I'm going to find, and it is safer to have someone than to have no-one.

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear ooooh I would love to come to Spotlight with you and the LF, and then make pom poms with you. Make sure you get a photo of me in Spotlight!!!

If I get a pom pom, where exactly would this pom pom be attached? (My mind is boggling a bit with strange images ). If I get one, Squishy and Mr Seahorse would need one too, because otherwise they would feel left out.

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear@Former-Member@Shaz51 The going-to-sleep medication is making me go to sleep I am going to close the laptop now and snuggle into your pocket @CheerBear. I super wish going to sleep medication could help  @Zoe7. It feels so unfair that my unusual-for-me sleeping issues can be resolved so easily, and @Zoe7 has to keep dealing with this battle. I so badly wish for @Zoe7 to have a good night's sleep.

Night all.

[Zoe7]

@Phoenix_Rising @CheerBear thinking of you both 

[Shaz51]

sitting with you @Phoenix_Rising 

[CheerBear]

I can imagine how hard that would have been when A ended the call on Thursday @Phoenix_Rising 😞 Following the mega storm that hit me when triage was called that Friday afternoon, my psychologist called on the Saturday morning. I was ok for the first few minutes, but then got seriously worked up and began spiralling into what I imagine your spiralling may look/feel like. My psychologist ended the call, so as to not get me more worked up (their words not mine). I will never ever forget that incredible feeling in that moment. It was intense. I feel sad to think of you maybe experiencing similar stuff.

On a lighter note, now I think about it a bit more, I'm not sure TT can fit a faux fur pom pom 😕 I will definitely get a photo of our outing tomorrow though. I'm well practiced at sneaking photos of TT in random places now!

[Former-Member]

@CheerBear, @Phoenix_Rising 

sorry I didn't get back. I think I was a bit lost for words at the time and then got distracted on other parts of the forum. I identify with the phone call thing too and with lots of things being mentioned here. My biggest SH came after an fear of abandonment thing with my old psychologist and I ended up in HDU needing life saving medical assistance. It is something very reactive for me too. 

I laughed at the distraction...the oooh so shiny distraction of the pom-poms @CheerBear. That's my kind of squirrel 😄

Im learning through you both and frequently nod my head as I can identify with different things. All three of us are from different backgrounds and have very different stories but with some similar responses and experiences. 

Take care 💜🤗💐

[CheerBear]

Good morning everyone/anyone,

I've been watching the sunrise and this morning it sounds beautiful. We live somewhere busy so between m-f the traffic can make the natural sounds of the early morning duller. On the weekends it's much less busy so the birds sound louder. This morning they're out with enthusiasm and it's a lovely sound.

@Phoenix_Rising - hope the make you sleepy medication helped to give you a break from the big feelings for a good while last night. I meant to ask the other day whether you got to the library? In between LF raising, blanket making and pom pom dreaming, I've still been reading The Body Keeps the Score. I'm up to a chapter on attachment which is full of potential triggers so I'm taking it slowly and being gentle. I have spent years reflecting on the role my early attachments have played in my development and in the later relationships I have had. I've found peace with it all. Actually, peace is maybe a stretch. I think it's more that I've found a level of acceptance. Why it's a very hard read at the moment though is because I am thinking less of me as a little person and more of my LF as little people and me as a primary caregiver. It's hard to think of the role their relationships with their parents have and will play in their lives. It's a big source of ouch, as all attachment and development theories have been throughout my studies. Reading this book is definitely a good way to gauge how I might go when I dive into the student world again. In a way this is kind of my own version of exposure therapy. I trust myself with exposure therapy much more than I think I would trust 99.9999% of squillion dollar an hour professionals. That was a long way of asking whether you're reading anything at the moment 😛

@Former-Member - I too can relate to a lot of what I read here, and there's a small handful of people who are here who I really do find myself nodding when I read their posts. You're definitely one of those people. A huge lesson I have learned being here (in a much bigger way that extends beyond simply reading about it), is that I/we really don't need to know the specifics and details about events (unless someone wants to talk about them) in order to connect with people. It's a lesson I plan to carry with me when I am hopefully a helping person. It's why I feel so yuck when I hear that people have been pushed into a position where they've felt the need to 'spill all' at the hands of white boats and ships, and then be left feeling raw, exposed and vulnerable, or have shame and guilt added to pain, and then be alone to work it out. Big blegh! I love that our oceans have crossed paths (I'm not sure oceans can 'cross paths' but I guess here, where turtles swim with bears riding unicorns and nests are built next to eight-sided rooms stocked with Lego, gelato and cats, it's entirely possible haha).

Better get ready to head out with the LF, middle and little who are behaving more like little piranhas already :face_with_rolling_eyes: Hopefully fluffy furry craft will drive some of their destructive 'must attack everyone/everything' energy towards a more constructive path today.

Hope today has something good for you both/all in store.