Lived Experience Forum

[Jynx]

@Bow Thanks for the tag hun, and the update. 

I can hear how out of place you felt, as someone with many piercings and funky hair, I can feel very out of place in a room full of folks who have a more conventional style. It's totally legit to feel this way. 

I really love what the facilitator did with the string. It sounds like they're able to acknowledge that extra layer of difficulty and want to go the extra mile to ensure you're feeling included and connected, rather than shaming or you for those feelings, or ignoring them entirely. It's still very early on, so I imagine it'll feel super awkward for a bit, but hopefully it'll get easier as you go along. Perhaps you will even be able to build some connections with the other group members! And if not, then you can always remind yourself that YOU are the focus of this endeavour, as is your process of healing and growing. New connections would just be a happy bonus. 

How are you feeling this evening, after a bit of time to process and settle after the feelings of anxiety? 

[Bow]

I hope the group feels a bit better as it goes on @Snowie  it goes for 25 weeks and that’s an awfully long time to sit in that uncomfortable place. But I really want to give it a go, just hope it doesn’t become a barrier. 

I’m sorry your day hasn’t been great. I hope your appointment tomorrow is helpful for you. 

[Bow]

I hope I did not offend you in my comments @Jynx  

social isolation and comparison was my biggest fears going into the group. I didn’t actually think of the comparison that has ended up being difficult for me, I thought body size would be hard.,. And yes, it has been, cause everyone else is much smaller. Have to keep reminding myself that I have just as much right to be there as everyone else and ED come in all sizes. 

I think it’s going to be a very gentle group. Which I like. I didn’t feel any pressure to share. Which I really like. And we can get up and leave at any time if we need a break. And yes, think the facilitator are very receptive to how we are going.

im feeling a bit tired and a bit vulnerable and emotionally exposed. I’m looking forward to crawling into bed tonight. And maybe having a bit of a download with my SW tomorrow. She had today off. 

how’s your day?

[Snowie]

Thats a long time for a group to go for @Bow Just seeing it out will be an achievement within itself.

I'm glad you have a few supports in it however.

I feel like if tomorrows session doesn't help than then what. Where do I go from there. Sorry should be thinking positive. At least I have a psych and a good one at that.

[Bow]

It is a long time @Snowie! I was a bit shocked and a bit hmmm… apprehensive about the long commitment. But they did say there will be weeks where it’s cancelled  (Monday is often a day for a public holiday, they both have holidays booked, and are both mothers so may need to cancel- sounds like if one of them is away they won’t run it by themselves). 

I hope you’re able to give your psych what you have written down and you can be honest and work at problem solving together. 

i have a headache brewing I think. Wondering if it’s medication related or caffeine related… or just random. I woke this morning feeling a bit headachy and I got the pillow from my spikey mat out and lay in bed with that. It helped. 

[Snowie]

Still a long time @Bow for a group. It's good if they have formed a bit of a team and only run it together. Maybe if someone needs a bit of a time out with one of them, then they have the other one to still run the group.

I hope you headache eases. Do you have much to do tonight or can have time in bed?

It's just a piece of paper, I should be able to just hand it over easily. If only it was that easy.

[Jynx]

@Bow nope not offended at all, I was just making a comparison! You already said it wasn't something you have any issues with, just that you felt a bit like an outsider, and I think that's very valid. 

Yeah you go girl! Way to validate yourself, you absolutely deserve to be there! And that is something that might be really helpful to talk about - how invalidating it has felt to not be believed or to be judged because you 'don't look anorexic' - which is of course ridiculous. 

Aww yay, that sounds super accessible, and super understanding of people's needs. And yeah feeling emotionally exposed makes sense hun, I know the feeling well. Be super gentle with yourself tonight eh? You took a big plunge today 💜

[Bow]

Nah nothing on tonight @Snowie @just watching some tv. I’ll go crawl into bed soon I think. 

I think I sat holding a lot of tension in my shoulders in group today, so achy and think that’s where my headache is coming from. Urgh. 

you can do it tomorrow. I sometimes write stuff down and have it in my hand while waiting. My psych will see it and know I have something for her… instead of building up the courage to find it in my bag and pull it out. 

[Bow]

Thanks @Jynx …. For understanding! 

yeah maybe if it comes up it would be the perfect place to talk about it. I really don’t know what the rest of the sessions will look like. 

I’d really like to go crawl into bed already! 

[Snowie]

Bed sounds good to me @Bow 

Won't be long out of it either. Late night last night and up early this morning.

Having it in my hand whilst waiting would be a good idea. If it is in my bag, I just might not hand it over. We discussed last session what we need to talk about this session so a bit anxious about that. Time to put my big girl pants on!