My Mosaic

[Bow]

Yes a fire is very calming to watch @Jynx  and toasting marshmallow!

The reaching up to hang things on the line yes, and then bending down too. My body feels very old. I think it’s the whole pegging process too, half the time there isn’t a peg where I want it to be. And then getting it all off again. I can just drag the clothes horse in and it can stay. Or I’m just lazy yeah. 

I don’t think my SW will be available cause it will be all hands on deck going around and picking people up for the Christmas party. 
I really probably shouldn’t have booked that appointment during this month. I got enough triggering stuff going on inside me at the moment and I’ve just added more to it. It’s been a rough day of it. 

[Jynx]

@Bow nah nothing lazy about it hun. I could ramble for ages about how laziness is a myth, but not sure you'd wanna read all that. I do like the quote I read a lil while ago though - "If it were laziness, you'd be having fun." 

Legiiiit - could you postpone the appt? 

[Bow]

Having a rough night @Jynx  had a full body flashback and it wouldn’t stop looped over and over curled up in bed and everything was out of reach. Eventually got it to stop now full of regret and shame. Everything feeling yucky inside. 

[Jynx]

@Bow that's soooo rough hun. I know it can make it kinda scary to wanna go to bed again in case of more nightmares and flashbacks. 

Maybe putting some stuff within reach of your bed - like your spiky mat for instance - could help? 

What do you think you're needing right now? 

Hugs 💜

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

[Bow]

Yeh laying in bed feeling kinda frozen stuck @Jynx 

sleepy tired wanting to sleep but same time not wanting to sleep.

Exhausting cycle.

I got meds to help with nightmares and it does help not so bad but they still happen. 

yeah I should put some things in my bedside table.

Use to.

But D kept takin. 

think I ned reasurance 

feel like never endin 

[Jynx]

@Bow oh that stuck feeling is rough, hey. Can definitely feel all-encompassing at times, I sometimes get 'frozen' midway through a task and it's just like 'oh cool time to dissociate I suppose' as I just... stand there 🙃

I know it feels never-ending when we're in the thick of it. Especially this time of year though, it's like a lot of stuff can come rushing to the surface. Riding that wave is rough, but you've ridden it before and always made it to the end, to lighter days.

You will be okay - I have so, SO much faith in you. You got a cruise to get to after all!! 

Sending many squishy hugs 💜

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

[Snowie]

Hi @Bow 

Just catching up on things.

Sending lots of 💗💗 hon.

Hope today is going well for you hon.

[Bow]

You ok @Snowie  💜

[Bow]

I dropped my kittens and mumma cat back off at the shelter this morning. Always sad to see them go. They were due to be desexed today and then they will go up for adoptions in the coming days. I really hope they go to really loving homes. 

 

 

My SW came to visit this afternoon. She was nearly an hour late, previous clients appointment ran late, so absolutely not her fault and I get it. But after a rough weekend, I really needed time to connect and talk and she just wasn’t able to do that today. I let her know what happened with the phone call from comm mh on Friday, she was completely gobsmacked. She said that they get all their referrals from comm mh and they basically tell them what they need to do and if they do anything wrong or such they hear it, but comm mh drop the ball all the time and it’s just brushed under the rug. I really should keep track of all their stuff ups. Didn’t hear from them today. Which I thought, if my interim CM was back she would have at least called to check in, but no. 

I have a pdoc appointment on Wednesday which I am so anxious about. Another new one. My SW is coming with me, but that is not easing any of my anxiety. 

My SW is also away all of next week. I know who I will have for that week, but my gosh I am feeling very unsettled by it. My SW is my main support and it’s a really challenging time if the year. Feeling it in my chest tonight. 
Think I am very aware of the chopping and changing in my supports over the next month or so. CM is away at the moment, she is back next Wednesday. SW is away all of next week- back on the Sunday. Then my SW is away 25th-28th for Christmas. We then leave on the 29th for our cruise. Back the 3rd. SW has an RDO on the 5th I think and then she goes on a cruise on the 7th-14th. Sigh. I absolutely understand it’s a busy time of the year and she totally deserves and needs time off with her family. It’s just hard.

I don’t have a psychologist at the moment, goodness knows when I will get one and it’s just a really crappy time. with a trauma anniversary coming up which has been pretty debilitating I got no one one to talk stuff with. It would be really helpful to have some concrete strategies in place but who’s gonna help with that?

[Snowie]

Oh @Bow 

That's both happy and sad news about the kittens. Hopefully they do go on to good homes. They have had the best start to their lives that they can have with you hon.

I'm glad you let your SW know what happened. Hopefully they can take it back to comm mh and changes can be made. Well we can hope anyway.

Anytime we see a new support is really hard. Not knowing what to expect, what they are like, how they will treat us, so many variables. I really hope that they can help or at least listen to you. 

It's hard when our supports are away. I know that they deserve time off, but doesn't make it any easier, especially at this time of year. With so many taking time off at the same time is hard too. Hopefully in the new year they can work things out and you can get a new psych. I know it must be really hard for you.

I'm ok. Just struggling with some things on and off of here. Probably more me than anything else.