RE: Darkness surrounds me

[Sans911]

@Former-Member are you sure that people are angry with you, or are they just concerned? Why are angry at yourself? Your emotions are probably raw right now.

[Former-Member]

@Bunniekinsnot good at the moment. Ended up not coping on Friday. Just got home today. 

[Bunniekins]

You were admitted?

[Former-Member]

So last Thursday night I was not coping well and ended up not getting any sleep. So on Friday the kids went to school and I ended up ringing hubby. Can't remember what I said but must have not been good because he came home. Too late by then. Went there Friday and came out this morning.

I feel so ashamed and guilty. How could I think of doing that to my family and putting them through all that pain. I am so angry at myself for not being stronger and dealing with this better. I don't deserve them.

[Former-Member]

@Sans911why wouldn't they be angry to put them through that

@Bunniekinsyes

[Bunniekins]

@Former-Member My poor NellBell ....  it saddens me to think of you in such a place ...

[Sans911]

@Former-Member i don't think your husband would be angry. I'm sure he's just really worried about how to help you.

And what you've been through and are going through is hell. You have nothing to be ashamed of hun. Nothing. It's hard to be strong when you are in as much emotional pain as you are. You're being much too hard on yourself Nell.

You deserve all their love and support hun. You're hubby is probably a little lost in how to help you

[Former-Member]

@Sans911 @Bunniekins

How can I not be ashamed at myself. I could have put all my pain onto my kids and hubby, that is so selfish of me. They would not have understood that. I even had someone say to me "but you have kids". It made me feel so bad.

[Faith-and-Hope]

It’s hard for everybody @Former-Member .... but you didn’t choose to be ill ..... you didn’t choose the circumstances that resulted in this .... and you are owed compassion here too ....

Can you take a bubble bath safely ?  Not too dizzy for that ?  You need self-care options at the moment ..... emotional bandaids, and lots of them.  

I just had a chocolate ice cream ....  might head for a bath too .....

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope I know I didn't choose this but I did choose the things I am doing to myself.

I am just so confused and don't know what to do anymore. A bath does sound nice however.