when is it time for hospital

[TheVorticon]

@outlander you deserve to see your horse, and your horse deserves to see you.
If your mum's bf is looking after the kids, it's up to him to organise any activities that your sisters might want to do. Plus if he's been looking after them already, then he's already got some good practice in for tomorrow. By choosing to be in a relationship with your mum, he's choosing whatever child-minding activities result from that because families are a package deal. It's not up to you to be accommodating and take his job off him. Your horse needs you, and your sisters have your mum's bf to look after them. It's all sorted out, so there's nothing else to think about doing but going along with your original plan.

[outlander]

I know but both mum and her bf have taken alot of time off work while i was in hospital. I dont want them to loose their jobs and everytime they are off they arent getting a relaxing time they are watching the kids @TheVorticon
I just cant wrap my head around how thats fair.... im flooded with guilt knowing im going to be with my horse and they want to go riding on their own horses and only me and mum can do that as he has no idea.
Its school holidays and for the past day or do they have just been sitting st home.

[CheerBear]

I think it's really important for you to put yourself first as much as you can, particularly while you settle after the big experience you've just had @outlander. Even if it feels really strange, which it may for a while considering you coming first is not something you're used to, you'll be showing yourself and your family that you are worth looking after. Which you are.

As hard as it is to do sometimes, that self-care stuff really is important. Seeing your horse seems like it is something meaningful and important to you. With time you might find yourself feeling more ok about putting your needs ahead of others sometimes.

I noticed in another thread you said that your environment hasn't changed. Something that seems to have changed is that your people are more aware of your limits now and even if they try to push them, I don't think they'll be able to truly forget what's happened for a while. Remind them of your limits by showing them that you're looking after yourself by doing what's best for you sometimes too, if you can.

[TheVorticon]

Again, as a parent it was your mum's choice to have children - yourself and your sisters - which means her choice to make sacrifices when it comes to looking after those children. Similarly with your mum's bf choosing to be in the relationship. It's not your job to take the responsibility off their shoulders. Obviously you care how they're doing, but it can't come at the sacrifice of your own wellbeing. That's been proven over and over again.

Kids can deal with being disappointed sometimes. Sometimes sitting at home can lead to all sorts of fun games when given the chance to use their imagination instead of being spoon-fed entertainment. I'm sure everyone's had holidays where not much happened. It's not about it being fair or not fair, but if it were, then isn't it fair that they get a chance to learn how to entertain themselves, and a chance to learn how to handle the disappointment of not getting to do something they want to do, and a chance to feel grateful the next time they do get to do it?

[outlander]

Yeah i guess your both right @CheerBear @TheVorticon
It is only for a few hours and ill have all next week as well. Im.also taking them out for lunch and the movies on Saturday

[Former-Member]

Good night Claire @outlander 🙂 I think your drawings are beautiful {as they always are!}

You have nothing to feel guilty about, you have a physical condition that you do not purposefully trigger. You walk bare-footed over the coals of hell! They don't say that you suffer from something, if it's a fun thing to go through.

Let yourself breathe a little, you love your Sisters but they are not your children. It's time to be a Sister not a Mother. Delicious needs you and you need her! Enjoy your time together.

Lots of love and hugs to you

[Former-Member]

You can draw outlander,get some of those books you can buy now to entertain yourself and it's therapeutic for you.Anything to get the mind off our thoughts.
As for your family ,yes the mother's boyfriend needs to make the effort if he wants to put his mouth in it.If they are making that effort,(how long that last who knows) .I know it's hard to not feel guilty I have that same problem with my mother. But remember this is the change you wanted and needed.

[Sans911]

@outlander You're very talented with your drawings, and I'm pleased to hear it was helpful during your hospital stay. I know I don't post much to you but I've followed your story for some time now, and often like posts to you. And for what it's worth, others are right. It's time to take care of you now; you mother needs to be there for you and your sisters. It's admirable you care so much about everyone else, but that has come at a high price. Use this time wisely now with your increased insight into your own health and take of your needs. You are very much loved and respected by your family, that is obvious. But they have taken advantage of your kind and giving nature. Time to turn that back to you, and heal your own hurts. You're a beautiful person, outlander, and you deserve to be the best you can be. All the best sweetheart.

[outlander]

Niqua

im glad you like the drawings 🙂

relating to your alalogy- is that all lol good way to put it, I havent thought of it as that was as yet...
yes id much rather be a sister and not a mother and I love D to bits!

@Former-Member

@Former-Member 
thank you, I do find drawing to help me out though since I was drawing so many hours in the day im kinda out of ideas of what to do next. Since being home I went out and brought another art book and restocked the pencils and rubbers and coloured pencils etc. I realy hope this effort on their behalf stays around. Soon find out when school goes back and everything gets back into a routine

hi @Sans911 
thank you, yes my drawings were most certainly a comfort and a time passer as well.
I have noticed your 'likes' here and there. I am trying to take care of myself its just so foreign for me to put myself first and in some ways others still come first but I know I need to self care more now.

[outlander]

its only been 2 days since i left hospital and already i cant control the anxiety that is swirling around inside me. why am i so sensitive to triggers 😞

i want to keep moving forward but how can i when i cant control this