when is it time for hospital

[outlander]

DAY 2

this was a more boring day and not something im use to at all! I had my first meal in almost 48 hours as well, it was very little but I suppose better than nothing. I read 10 magazines and did a lot of drawing. I finally got to have a shower but lucky for me I borrwed a hospital gown lol. I was the only one there on friday and saturday and it wasnt until early sunday morning someone else was there besides me. Someone finally brang me up some stuff so I could get changed and wasnt bored out of my mind.
At least I was allowed to use the phones through the day so that was good. People were asking me where I was and how tog et to me and I said I dont know. I didnt and it wasnt until I was discharged I realsied what part of the hospital I was in as I came through the ED.
This night was a lot harder. Everything began to dawn on me in full force of where I was and what I was there for. I had a lot of anxiety this day as well. Again I think everything was beginning to dawn on me. But I was medicated and at least those are sorted now too.

again i was off to bed by 10pm. i watched abit of tv too- well background noise becasue i couldnt mentally concentrate on anything. i sat there for the last two days like a compelte zombie.

[outlander]

DAY 3

I was quite sick today esp in the morning. I was very nauseous and had to keep running to the bathroom but thats all it was. Just a feeling. My anxiety was in full force yet again. I asked the nurse what could be done and I was given one of my prn meds to help calm to nerves abit which helped then I went back to being a zombie again. I did a lot of drawing as well and there was another person there and I had abit of chat with her- just about life stuff and we watched a movie- again just background noise. My mother and her bf had a big reality check and when I was speaking to them it was like opening a new door! It was like wow it took until this long for you to give a hoot and actually believe me and that this wasnt some sort of attention seeking thing. They actaully asked how can they help me when I get out.

when they came around to do OBs my temp was at only 35! wow that is very very low yet i was hot and dripping in sweat! funny how the body reacts to anxiety isnt it?

the anxierty cmae back in full force at night time which is what usually happens but i took all my meds and went to bed again 10pm even though i wasnt aslepp i was in bed resting.

[outlander]

Day 4

I again had a lot of anxiety during the night and was given another one of my Prn meds and they eventually started to kick in. I had a chat to 2 psychiatrists, a psychologist and also my normal psychiatrist came and visited me as well. They said I was ok to go home if I wanted to but I declined but they changed me to a voluntary patient instead of involuntary. I had a lot of anxiety through the day as well. I sat down with a nurse though and got them to help me formulate a plan as to where to go from herewhihc was quite ahndy and I think its simple enough to follow through with now. So today was quite a busy and productive day despite the anxiety.

[outlander]

Day 5

i had quite alot of anxiety in the morning and again took a Prn whihc helped take the edge off things.

it wasnt until after 1 that the psych assessment team came back in and they gave me the all clear to go home. so in the meantime i did some drawing again and ended up filling my whole art book up.

but i got home about 3ish.

i told my friend that was looking after my horse that i was out of hospital and i would catch up with her. i caught up with her at about 5pm and wow she knows how to hug! gosh it was jsut what i needed seriously but she was so happy i was ok.  the last she knew was 'im being admitted to hspital can you please look after D for me i dont know how long ill be here but ill let you now when im out; thats all i could write in the state of mind i was in. but its good to know i ahve supports there now. my mum and her bf, my pop and my sisters had a reality check and also realsied how  much i actually do around here and they are being more supportive now. thye arent going to throw my meds out now and they are going to try to help me move forward the best i can starting with giving me abit more time to myself and allowing others to babysit my younger sisters as well instead of jsut relying on me 24/7

so all in all despite not wanting to go to hospital, i think it was well worth going and the first 3 days i really needed to be there. it was the safest thing to do and i understand that now

[outlander]

i missed you guys so much while i was away! @Former-Member 

@Former-Member i can see its been abit quiet but i reall appreciate all the msgs that were left. it jsut give me that little bit of extra strength that i need to help get through all of this. while i know im far from being out of the woods and im still unstable with my moods etc im alot better than where i was so i feel i can tackle things- very slowly of course but i can do it and i dont have to hide awya in my shell all day every day now

@soul you dont have to appologise at all. i  read your other thread and sending big hugs your way too and you msot certianly have my love and support my friend. i just at a loss for words at the moment

[CheerBear]

So happy to hear you've had a positive experience @outlander. I'm really hoping things will change from here for you, and that reality check stays with your people. It's so great to hear that people seemed to step up in your time of need. I can tell there's a difference just in the way you've written your last posts 🙂

Breathing big breaths of relief after reading. Thank you for sharing your experience with us - you've been missed and thought of often.

💗

[outlander]

Yes @CheerBear it was positive now u just have to keep going upwards even though i know ill have downfalls i just wont let it get to that point again.

I thought of you guys alot too while i was away. Its amazing how much you can miss people even when you dont actually 'know' them if that makes sense

[CheerBear]

I think that's a huge part of recovery and revention @outlander - recognising and attending to warning signs as soon as possible (where possible). Baby steps and gently gently and you'll get there 🙂

It makes lots of sense about missing people here too. As for not 'knowing' people here, I sort of think we really can and do know each other, just in a different way to we might know people beyond here.

I'm off to sleep with a smile after reading your news.

Hope you sleep well

🙂

[outlander]

Yes your surely right about not knowing but do knowing the people in here @CheerBear ❤

Im heading to bed in a minute too. Trying to keep to a sleeping regime

[Former-Member]

@outlander I'm so glad your family has woken up at last. Was it a relief to have a break? You are always so busy doing things for others and never seem to get a moment of peace. It must have been well needed to spend some time focusing on you, I am happy that you got to do that in spite of the circumstances that led you to the hospital. I hope that moving forward you can work with your doctors and family in planning a way to regularly take some time for yourself and self care, lay out some privacy rules for your sisters, keep your mum away from your tablets!

We're all in your corner p-cakes. So proud of you xx

and did I mention that I missed you??!!!