when is it time for hospital

[Former-Member]

you wil get through it just like we did last night. You have got heaps of people sitting here supporting you @outlander

[Owlunar]

Hi @outlander

I hear you - and I understand - you don't want to go to hospital or get an outsider involved but I want to remind you of something

You have your sister's to care for but really - this is far to much for you 

And your are right - you are just surviving - it's no life for a young person - I was reading my phone when I was out today and how much you do for your family - cooking, cleaning, washing whatever for 5 other people - 

So this is the easy time you have according to the Big Creep - wow - he is so wrong

Because your mother made a mistake being irresponsible make you the result of such stupid behaviour but you are not the mistake - you are a worthwhile person and where you may not get everything right all the time you do a better job than your mother

Your sisters are your mother's responsibility - and I remember before you went to hospital the first time things were supposed to be better - but for - what? - two days? - and you are back to where you were

You have your work - the work you get paid for - you don't tell us what your mother argues about but I can guess it's because at your age it is time to jack up on all of this - and that you hate the dissension - and of course you have to hate it

But you are not given the rights a person in this country is entitled too

Thinking of you tonight Outlander - it's too much for you to care for those kids for a few days let alone what seems to me two weeks your mother thinks she is having off

Somehow I don't think she will but I am wishing you the best here

Lots of hugs

Dec

[outlander]

@Former-Member im struggling so much i dont know what to do with myself
I haven't felt like this in a very long time
I cant eveb describe it

[Former-Member]

last night @outlander you tried some distraction and that helped a bit. Want to try that again? Or I can be quiet and just sit here with you!

[outlander]

@Owlunar

im not getting outsiders involved. I literally have to take it day by day. The arrangement ive worked out with my aunty while they are gone for the week. My aunty has them for a few hours each day so itll give me a break. School holidays are among us now and mum still has to work which means ill still be having them through the day. After my mother gets back from her holiday shes going to have a rude awakening. If I cant do it,im getting my psychologist to speak to her. This is getting beyond a joke.
Something has to change and its going to change now.
I should be struggling this much to the extent I dont even know how to describe it.

Right now im at the stage of hospital but I need to be ok and I need to pull my shite together for mondays psychology session, tuesdays op, and caring for the kids.
My goal right now is take it day by day.
Im going to ask my gp on tuesday if I can increase my meds. This is seriously beyond a joke.

Im terrified and theres nothing no one can do for me except to be here which is enough but I mean in the real life too.
Just before I flipped it earlier, I organised an activity for each fo the 5 days. I dont care what anyone else thinks thats the most I can do right now.

Time for mum to have a wake up call. Think ill be organising a few nights in a hotel when they get back because I can feel it bubbling away and its going to come up and its probabaly not going to be rational.

I was having suicidal thoughts to the extent I had to keep pulling over , regroup or turn the music up. All beacasue im doing things that 'normal' young people shouldnt have to be doing.
This isnt fair. Its the final straw.

Right now I literally cant keep myself together. Im pacing the house, constantly bouncing my legs under the table as I type.

Shes not having the rest of the time off, shes gone for thhose 5 days where myself and my aunty are shared care, but she still works 5 days a week. She has sunday off this week then one day the last day of school holidays week.

I have pull my shite together @Owlunarand I cant. It doesnt help that I havent slept in now almost 48hrs. If Im still up at 5am itll be 48hrs. I need sleep and rest and in this state I cant even do that.
Im hoping if I wwear myself down that much ill sleep.

[outlander]

i dont know @Former-Member i dont know

im so emotional

[outlander]

@Sans911 is this BPD, is this a bad part of it

i have no idea

your more experinced in BPD traits than i am.... is this part of an 'episode'

[Former-Member]

Well how about I just sit here with you and if you need me I'll be right here

[outlander]

thanks @Former-Member 

i dont know what else to do 😞

why did this have to happen now

[Former-Member]

@outlander,in regards to increasing medication,that won't help.Like the Dr wanting me to pop a happy pill,you could take the whole box and it won't help as it's your environment. Medication can't make that better.Pity your mum and you wouldn't have mediation counseling.Just try and  focus on your priorities the next few days, and for the short term the 5 days you have without them.That's how to get through the night.