Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[BatGuano]

Thanks for supporting the carers, Hobbit. Heaven knows we need it.

[Mazarita]

I'm here as someone withdrawing from smoking (both tobacco and green), with no carer. I have come far in the process, especially with the green, but not completely withdrawn yet from either. I have had support from one psychologist in the process over the past months so far and am about to start work with another. I am curious about Trauma Informed Care. I had a traumatic childhood, including violence and also threats against my life (and my mother's) on at least two occasions by my father. Both my parents were addicted to smoking, gambling and, in my father's case, alcohol. At 53, I still find myself haunted by my childhood. I have a bipolar diagnosis and have been treated by psychiatrists for 25 years. Any tips on this part-way through stage of my recovery?

[BatGuano]

Holistic care, or client-based care. And just more of healthcare overall.

[Hobbit]

People with both mental health conditions and AOD issues can potentially experience a relapse of either condition, which is likely to affect the other. Relapse prevention strategies that are already used in AOD treatment can often be used to reduce risk of relapse to the mental health condition.

Explain that lapses are a temporary setback and that they do not need to result in relapse. Feelings of shame, failure and guilt are likely to follow single lapses in AOD conditions, which is likely to be detrimental to mental health. This presents the risk of complete relapse. To avoid this, it can be useful to normalise lapses and explore the events that lead to a lapse, and how this could be avoided.

Identify and plan for high-risk situations – this includes emotions, thoughts, places, events and people which are likely to make the client vulnerable to mental distress or substance use; plan ahead to anticipate these situations, monitor warning signs and develop coping strategies to deal with them.

I think the most imprtant thing to get across is that relapse can be a normal part of any recovery. I know I lot of workers who actually believe if a person hasn't lapsed or relapsed, then they are not on the sobriety journey quite fully yet. I relapsed twice when I was in treatment, which was a good learning curve for me.

Take cigarette smoking - it is a well advertised fact that people often need many goes at quitting before they actually give up for good. Perhaps we need to ake the same stance with dual diagnosis.

After all, everyone neds to go at heir own pace in order to achieve what they want. This is recovery!

[Hobbit]

Hi @Mazarita,

Trauma Informed Care and Practice is a strengths-based framework grounded in an understanding of and responsiveness to the impact of trauma. Have a look at this site - I think you will find it interesting.

I actually hink that fact that you are about to start work with another psychologist is a great sign, shows me that you want to achieve your own potential, in your own way, and shows me you actually have great strength and perservearance. Good one you!

[Former-Member]

@Hobbit what should carers do if their loved one has an AOD/MH issue but does not want to get help?

[Hobbit]

Firstly, be prepared to go through periods when your loved does not to get help. It’s normal for people to go through stages when they don’t want help.  The decision to seek treatment is your loved one’s choice. They need to want to change. It’s not possible to make them get help without their consent unless they are at immediate risk or risk to others.

For people with dual disorders, the attempt to obtain professional help can be bewildering and confusing. For example, internal problems such as frustration, denial, or depression may hinder their ability to recognize the need for help and diminish their ability to ask for help. Helping a loved one with both a substance abuse and a mental health problem can be a roller coaster. Remember, resistance to treatment is common and the road to recovery can be long.

Accept what you can and cannot do. You cannot force someone to remain sober, nor can you make someone take their medication or keep appointments. What you can do is make positive choices for yourself, encourage your loved one to get help, and offer your support while making sure you don’t lose yourself in the process.

Accept what you can and cannot do. You cannot force someone to remain sober, nor can you make someone take their medication or keep appointments. What you can do is make positive choices for yourself, encourage your loved one to get help, and offer your support while making sure you don’t lose yourself in the process.

Seek support. Talk to someone you trust about what you're going through. It can also help to get your own therapy or join a support group.

Set boundaries. Be realistic about the amount of care you're able to provide without feeling overwhelmed and resentful. Set limits on disruptive behaviours, and stick to them. Letting the co-occurring disorders take over your life isn't healthy for you or your loved one.

Educate yourself. Learn all you can about your loved one’s mental health problem, as well as substance abuse treatment and recovery.

Be patient. Recovery is an ongoing process that can take months or years, and relapse is common. Ongoing support for both you and your loved one is crucial as you work toward recovery.

The morst imprtant thong to me is, to know that you are doing the best job you can, which makes it the best job. THe fact that you are caring for someone you love show tremendous strength, courage and character. TRY TO REMEMBER THESE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF AND DON'T GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN THE DETAIL. It's a hard job (that let's face it, only you know) and you are probably the most important person in your loved ones life - even when they don't show it or tell you differently.

[Kelstarkaruah]

I feel like maybe I'm a bit in between for both a consumer and a carer.
My partner made the amazing decision and is currently in rehab for his addiction. He is dealing with his mental health problems whilst keeping super busy with new friends in a clean environment.
I however have relapsed with my mental health issues due to him being away.
The last 8 months have been me supporting him and dealing with his addiction, knowing he was an amazing person worth fighting for.
Now he is gone I feel like he won't want to be with me anymore.
I don't know how to support him.
I've done so much research that my head hurts. Everything is different and it scares me that I'm doing the wrong thing.
I want him to come home to me, I want the future we planned. But feel like he won't want me anymore.
I just don't know what I'm supposed to do to help him and help myself.

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Hobbit, there's definitely some good tips and advice there.

We have another 20mins left of this Topic Tuesday, does anyone have any last questions that they would like to ask @Hobbit before we finish up for the night?

[Kelstarkaruah]

So I guess my question is. If he does come home to me how do I help?
I've been strong until this point but now I feel lost.