Hi @Max01, welcome to the forum. I'm the opposite to you... I never do anything with my family and have very little contact but see my partner's family quite a lot. I don't really enjoy the family gatherings a lot with them, mainly because of my own insecurities but we all get on. My partner knows I find it a bit stressful but I always tell her than I will always go visit then with her because I don't want her to miss out on time with her family, because I know what it's like to not have close family around to spend time with.
So from my perspective, I don't think it's fair that your are being forced to chose between your family and your partner. That shouldn't be a choice you have to always make. It puts you in a lose-lose situation, which isn't fair.
You say he has a similar relationship with his family than I do to mine... that is not much contact at all. So maybe talk to him about it and how you feel, if you haven't already. Maybe the dynamic he has with his family feels 'normal' to him, especially if he grew up like that, and he either thinks it should be normal for you as well, if being around a closer family dynamic is a bit upsetting and/or uncomfortable for him. By talking to him you may find out why he's so hesitant to spend time with your family. It may be something you can work on together. Has there been any issues between your partner and someone in your family that has caused this?
If there is no real reason, and he refuses to spend time with your family, I would suggest not letting that interfere with contact with your own family. No one should ask that of anyone! In this case, he has made a choice to not spend time with them, so go by yourself. I'm not sure the situation is understandable, unless he has a really valid reason. Most people would spend time with their partner's family I think. Unless there is some major issue going on. So i think you're perfectly entitled to feel bothered by this. Like I said, without a reason, it's just not fair on you at all.
