So. The past week or two I haven't felt right. Don't quite feel like I'm in remission any more. And then Friday, I just sunk. I crashed. Feeling really fragile. Saturday, I put on a brave face. Sunday, today, sinking again.
Am worried that my miracle medication has stopped working. Worried I am heading back into full Depression. Worried there may not be a new medication to help me.
After all the years of trying multiple antidepressants, and at extremely high doses, none of them worked. Finally August 2020 my Psychiatrist gave me a mood stabiliser. Wow. Within days I went into remission. I felt so alive.
So I started planning. All those things I learnt from my Psychologist that I now needed to put in place.
I would need to join a group activity or two. Start activities that I would enjoy, learn something new, meet new people. But Covid was in the way.
The 2 activities I wanted to do, ballroom dancing and yoga, the businesses were closed, as were most businesses.
I could not get a job. No one was hiring.
Month after month of still being isolated in my house.
2021. Things slowly start opening. By March I could join ballroom dancing classes. But I don't. All those old self negative talks started up again. I couldn't afford the classes or the petrol to get to classes. I have no clothes to wear to classes. I got so fat the last 6 plus years. Got up to size 22. Have been losing weight last year and a half. But now have no clothes that fit. Not even a single pair of jeans. I can't go to classes in tracky daks and tops that are 3 sizes too big.
Yoga still hasn't started up again. Am applying for the few part time jobs in my preferred industry, but not getting any call backs.
And now .... Crashing.
I can't seem to turn off the negative talk, like I used to be able to do.
The Depression is creeping in and I don't think I can stop it.
Still have to wait 2 weeks to see my Psychiatrist.
Think I'm drowning again.
Can you call your pdoc tomorrow and see if you can get in earlier? You might need a tweak of your meds - I have had several over the years - both up and down depending on how I am going. Hugs and hugs Hon 