Hi everyone. @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom @Former-Member @BlueBay @Former-Member @outlander. I havent posted to my thread here in some time now. Its been a difficult month or more, for all sorts of reasons.
And right now I feel like I am being ripped in two. I'm not sleeping, I'm highly anxious, shaking, racing heart, cant seem to settle, cant take my mind off everything I need to be doing or my responsibilities.
My husband has had an eye operation a couple of weeks ago, and its meant many appointments and his inability to drive or do much. It is slowly improving thankfully, and the likelihood is that there will be a good outcome, but it takes time and patience. My husband is severely lacking in patience! As a result he has been very angry, demanding, depressed, etc. So with all that happening I have not been able to get to my weekly gym class or my newly enrolled art class. Gym classes have clashed with appointments I've had to get him to. He's had appointments almost every day the past fortnight. He blew his top about my new art class, and it just wasnt worth the temper tantrum for me to go. 
Today I got a phone call from my brothers psych. She is very concerned for him and wanted me to know that he is going through a particularly difficut time right now, and at very high risk of suicide. As the first contact on his emergency safety plan, she feels he would benefit by me being there to provide the support he needs. I have already spoken to my brother twice today, once this morning for an hour, and again tonight for well over an hour. He lives 7 hours drive away, or 11 hours by train. I cant just be there at the drop of a hat. My husband needs me too. Hence my feeling that I am being torn in two, literally.
Two people whom I love need me right now, and quite frankly I can barely keep myself on track right now, much less be responsible for 2 other people's lives.
I just dont know if I can keep doing this and perhaps I am in way over my head. I need to pull myself together, or I am not going to be any good to anyone. It just seems I am constantly putting out spot fires, and never finding the time or energy to actually concentrate on my own issues. Which are actually quite substantial too. I dont really know what to do now or where I can turn.