Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

[Zoe7]

Hey @Former-Member That is quite a dilemma for you and there really does not seem to be an easy answer. What is evident is that no-one in this scenario is actually thinking about you and your needs - I can understand your brother not being about to do this because he is in such a bad way himself - but your husband seems to be being very selfish in both his demands on you and also not acknowledging that you too have ;stuff; to deal with. This is very unfair. I know this probably does not help you but it makes me angry when people are selfish and can not, or do not want to see outside of their own selves. 

It is so hard when you are being pulled in opposite directions to even consider concentrating on your own well-being - but in the long run you will not be able to support anyone if you are too unwell yourself.

I truly feel for you...

sending you hugs...

Zoe 

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Former-Member .... it is important for you to communicate this conflict of interest to your support people - gp, therapist, any close friends .... important that you know you are not alone, even if they can't make the decisions for you ....

Is there a support service within your area - visiting nurse or other carers - who can help support your husband so you can go to your brother ?  Carer's Australia may be able to advise you.  While your husband is discomforted, your brother appears to be the higher priority in fact .... and it is not helping your state of mind to be under your husband's mean-spiritedness at the moment.  You are entitled to care as well .... and the first rule of carers needs to be self-care.

Its okay for you to put your hand up and say, this is beyond my ability to cope with.  Men like your husband and mine need to hear that sometimes .... that they can't keep dishing it out and you taking it .... that they are in fact biting the hand that feeds them.

Feeling for you @Former-Member ..... walking with you ..... 💜💐💕

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member I have been thinking about you alot lately. I really hope you are ok - I miss seeing you around...

Zoe 

[ellie_gone]

Hi Sherry this is my first time using an online forum and I was particularly taken with your story. I am so sorry about all the tragic things that happened to you and I hope one day you reach a point where you can feel comfortable with yourself. 

I to experienced being hurt by someone I knew. He came to live with us when I was very young but the hurting didn't start till I was about 4y/o. Unlike yourself I don't remember much of the abuse and the things I do just seem to condradict each other. 

I wish I knew exactly what happened so I could form a proper opinion or get some answers but there's no way of knowing how things started, how they stopped, if he was gentle, or if he was even the one who enicciated it. I'm sorry if what I'm writing is wrong and if I'm suppose to be writing this stuff somewhere else I'm very new at this. Please take care of yourself and know that reading your story has been a privledge Xo

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good morning @ellie_gone ..... and welcome to the forums .....😊

@Former-Member has been a little absent recently with family commitments, but I am sure she will respond to your post in her own time.

I am sorry to hear about your struggles and their cause, but you will find you are Amongst understanding and very compassionate friends here, who have struggles of our own, some quite similar to yours ......

Feel free to post on any thread. They don't actually "belong" to anyone ..... and as long as you stay within the guidelines, it all works very well usually. The guidelines are accessible through the Home page, but feel free to ask questions to help you find your way around.

🌷💜
F&H

[Former-Member]

Hello to all who visit this thread.  @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7, thanks for your recent enquiries as to how I am doing.

@ellie_gone, welcome to the Sane Forums.  Its lovely to have you join us.  Although the circumstances of what brought you here is not the best, its still nice to have fellow members who understand what each of us go through on an almost daily basis.  Thanks for your comments on my story, I really appreciate what you have said.  It helps to know that our thoughts and feelings are validated by others.

I am so very sorry for what you have had to go through as a young child. I know what it was like going through what I did as an adult, but to imagine what a young child would have gone through is simply beyond me.  Your young mind would have protected you from the worst of your trauma I expect, by dissociating to some extent.  I also dissociated immediately after the worst of my trauma. Dissociation kicks in when we are unable to deal with events or memories.  My psych has told me that the time I was 'gone' is unlikely to ever come back to me.  So perhaps thats a good thing?  

I wanted to reassure you that you have said nothing wrong in your post Ellie-gone, and like @Faith-and-Hope has said, you are very welcome to post to any existing threads that you 'connect' with.  So I am very honoured that you have chosen my thread to post your first message.  

I try to take good care of myself Ellie and I am still undergoing therapy with my psychologist at least monthly. I find this invaluable as it is my only support outside of the Forums.  

If, by reading my story, it has helped you or provided inspiration in some way, then I am very grateful. It means that the pain experienced in expressing my story has been worthwhile.

If you feel up to it, how about opening a new thread yourself in the "Our Experience and Stories" section of the Lived Experience Forum?  Or if you dont feel confident to do so just yet, then just continue to browse the many threads on the forums and contribute to any that you feel an affinity with.  Just like you did with mine here.

Meanwhile I hope you are doing okay, and to see you around the Forums over the coming days and weeks.  You will find some wonderfully kind and supportive people here, with loads of experience and knowledge.

Again I thank you for visiting me here on my thread.  If you decide to open your own thread, please tag me so I get to read it. Meanwhile I hope you have a good Sunday.  

[Shaz51]

Hello @ellie_gone and welcome to the forum

Hello @Former-Member, how are you going today xx

[Former-Member]

Well its quite some time since I last visited my thread.  Its been a very difficult, distressing and eventful 4 months.  Culminating in an incident last month where I was very badly triggered, and my PTSD once again became acute.  Although its now about 6 weeks since that incident, I just dont seem to have recovered from it.  My psych said that it can take several weeks for a flare such as that to settle back down again to a chronic level, but I feel like I am still waiting for that to happen.

Admittedly it was pretty major and really knocked me for six.  It occurred at a most unexpected place. I was overseas at the time, staying in a hotel.  I'd come down in the lift to the hotel lobby, hubby was in his room at the time so I was alone. As I came out of the lift there was a man waiting to get in.  I didnt take much notice until he spoke to me and I had to look at thim.  He seemed familiar to me somehow, he had unique features.  He asked me where I was from, I said Australia.  He told me he was from the ACT and I said I was from NSW.  It was then that I realised why he had looked vaguely familiar.  He was a friend of the man who had violently sexually assaulted me 21 years earlier.  I had only met him briefly a couple of times back then, but there is no doubt it was him.  He must have thought I looked familiar as well, which is why he asked me where I was from.

I immediately went into a panic.  I fled to the nearby restroom, promptly vomited and then collapsed into the cubicle corner shaking violently and sobbing uncontrollably.  Everything which had happened 21 years prior was brought back so vividly in my mind, it may as well have been happening all over again.  Yes thats right, it was your typical flashback.  I've had them before, but not quite as bad as this.  It was intense, it was completely debilitating.  I was there for something like half an hour before I was in a fit state to venture back out again and return to my room.

For the remaining couple of days I was overseas I was constantly on the alert in case my attacker may somehow also be there with this former friend of his.  Thankfully I did not see either of them again during my stay.  And I have no idea if this man had figured out who I actually was.

But like I said, its now over 6 weeks ago this happened, and I am just not improving.  I have the nightmares every night still, the very high erratic pulse and heart beat, difficulting in breathing, tightness in the chest, I've stopped eating.  I've lost a lot of weight in the past 6 months and have gone from a healthy weight to now being underweight.  My OCD is unrelenting and plays tricks on my mind constantly.

When does it all end?  I've had Exposure Therapy, CBT, EMDR.  Whats left?

@Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 @ellie_gone @Former-Member @outlander @Determined @Former-Member @Maggie

[Maggie]

@Former-Member 💜💜💜

[Faith-and-Hope]

Oh @Former-Member ...... I am so sorry to hear it ...... I am glad to see you back with us ....... please rest here awhile where we can sit with you ....... and just send you hugs and love ......

♥️💐💕