Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

I have never ever met someone irl who has the same sexual/romantic identity as me. Not even once and it made me wonder if this is common or if I am just living under a rock or something. I am aroace (asexual and aromantic) and I have never met anyone like me before and it kind of makes me sad and makes me feel a little lonely or like I am just weird. I mean yes there are some online spaces with others like me but I have never met anyone face to face who is like me in that way. Idk I was just wondering if anyone is in the same boat as me having not met anyone who can relate. 

[perspective]

Ye well I can identify 

I’ve been on my own most of my life. I find relationships very difficult and I’ve given up on them. I have a few good friends and some great interests but romance actually makes me unwell. There are lots of people alone in this world , having someone is great but when it isn’t great it’s effing terrible. Nothing worse than a bad relationship 

[NatureLover]

@perspective  I can really relate to this:

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@perspective wrote:

I’ve been on my own most of my life. I find relationships very difficult and I’ve given up on them.

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I am now more than happy to be single for the rest of my life. And I'm not interested in a sexual relationship either. @Eden1919  does that make me aromantic and asexual too?

[Eden1919]

@NatureLover  That is a really hard question to answer I cannot tell you if you are or are not asexual or aromantic but what I can tell you is that wether you do or don’t want a sexual relationship is not necessarily related. Asexuality means that you don’t experience sexual attraction and being aromantic means you don’t experience romantic attraction. If you have experienced these things in the past and are just deciding now that you don’t want to do it again that could just mean you are celibate not that you don’t ever experience attraction in the first place. If you didn’t enjoy relationships in the past because you felt no attraction then you could be on the asexual spectrum. If you are questioning yourself I would do some research first and see if you feel the experience fits for you but it isn’t just about being single and not wanting sex. 

[Campbarry]

It is possible that you have met someone like you and just haven't known, for me I don't really project my sexuality or rather lack thereof because I'm not really looking for anyone, and I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case with a lot of other asexual/aromantic folks - for me it's like why does the average person need to know? It's between me and whoever else I might want to share my life with... but you're not alone and you're not abnormal or anything of the sort. I'm sure there are ways to find other asexual people in your area who you might be able to meet and I hope someone here can give you some ideas because I'm basically a recluse at the minute so I have none 😂

[flybluebird]

Hey there @Eden1919
I wonder if Qlife website or helpline might be helpful in finding more people you can connect with in person?
They have options for chatting over phone or go onto their webchat.
https://www.qlife.org.au/

@flybluebird

[Eden1919]

@Campbarry  I don’t think it is a simple to say that it is just because people don’t go around advertising it I don’t go around telling everyone I meet of course nobody does but if you are straight you can pretty much walk out the door and be guaranteed you will find someone else that day who shares your experience in that way and you are also likely to have friends who are also straight. I just think it would be nice to have a least one friend who was like me in that way. I am also not sure how to meet others either and I don’t go out that much myself especially with Covid and such around but I will look into it. 

@flybluebird  I haven’t had much luck with Qlife in the past. 

[Rhye]

Hey @Eden1919,

I just wanted to jump in and say big thumbs up for bringing this topic, and more importantly your experience, to the forum 🎉 I found this ABC article really helpful in understanding the ace experience, particularly in terms of social isolation. Australian Asexuals are another group who run social events, in a few states across the country.

Thank you again for sharing, and I'd love to see this conversation keep going – diversity of experience is big and it is beautiful 🌈

[Eden1919]

@Rhye  Thanks I have looked into the Australian asexuals group but they are mostly based out of Sydney. It can just get really isolating at times and having to constantly explain yourself is exhausting like I haven’t told that many people but I nearly always have to explain what being asexual is and then there is always remarks like “oh everyone is a bit like that” or “ you don’t know if you haven’t tried” or “you just haven’t found the right person yet” and it is just like well it is exhausting. I wish more people understood it. 

[NatureLover]

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@Eden1919 wrote:

@NatureLover  That is a really hard question to answer I cannot tell you if you are or are not asexual or aromantic but what I can tell you is that wether you do or don’t want a sexual relationship is not necessarily related. Asexuality means that you don’t experience sexual attraction and being aromantic means you don’t experience romantic attraction. If you have experienced these things in the past and are just deciding now that you don’t want to do it again that could just mean you are celibate not that you don’t ever experience attraction in the first place. If you didn’t enjoy relationships in the past because you felt no attraction then you could be on the asexual spectrum. If you are questioning yourself I would do some research first and see if you feel the experience fits for you but it isn’t just about being single and not wanting sex. 

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@Eden1919  thanks heaps for your very wise and helpful answer. I am very confused about attraction...but I think maybe I'm just celibate now. Thanks again for taking the time to explain it so clearly.