feeling like a silly donkey

[BambiFawn]

I used to be eloquent and well spoken and I did very well academically at my convent college where I was taught by nuns.  The Headmaster gave 10 out of 150 students scholastic awards and I was one of the few to receive achievement certificates for academic excellence.  I went on to work in the public service for 3 1/2 years and attended University of Queensland.

These days, after years of verbal abuse and once physically beaten by my mother and having had 4 fathers by the age of 18.  I seem to have lost a little confidence and I  think I'm more jovial now, and sounding like a donkey a little.  I am quite humble and try not to big note myself. But I feel I have let myself down by not being as well-spoken recently as I used to be.  I think I need to believe in myself more and say good words to myself.  As the tape of my mother's verbal abuse and critical voice has possibly affected my confidence a little.  I am working on checking my self-talk and subliminals, and correcting any negative or critical thoughts about myself.  Saying positive affirmations has helped me a lot, but I just want to be my old well spoken self.  Maybee I've been jovial more as a way to cope. Maybe it's an emotional cocoon my mother has put me in. 

[BambiFawn]

@Shaz51, @Former-Member, not sure of how the circa function works.......

I've been even referring to myself as the character Onslow out of " Keeping up with Appearances.' He is the fat, beer bellied yobo with a self deprecating humour. When I should be referring to my self as Mrs Bouquet.  I'm not sure if this reflects a loss of confidence or a sence of humour lol.

[BambiFawn]

Hey @MDT, @outlander, @Nell23, 

@Sans911, @Appleblossom, 

@Faith-and-Hope,

@Bubbles3,

Please tell me your thoughts on the aforementioned haha.

[utopia]

@BambiFawn. That's a really good idea. We all need to use more positive self talk. Build ourselves up. Be proud of ourselves.
Often our MI lets us only see negatives. But we are not our MI's. We are people with lots of skills, talent, compassion and happy lived experiences. So you have a right to feel proud about yourself.
Why not start here on this thread, by listing all your good qualities. Writing it down might do a lot to negate the negative self talk.

[BambiFawn]

Thanks dear lovely @utopia, 

It is really sweet of you to remark and be so caring.

One of my good traits is a good sence of humour.  But I have to be careful as it can be excessively modest or self deprecating.

Another good point is I am very kind like the Lord.

I am very generous to my family and friends.

I am friendly and caring.

I'm very modest and humble, not arrogant.

A good writer 

Have an ear for music as Dad was a Music Teacher/ Musician.

That's just a few lol.  What are some of yours lol?

Thanks again dear utopia for thinking of this self-affirmation exercise.  It has really helped 'moi'.  

[utopia]

I'm glad writing down just a few of your qualities has helped @BambiFawn.
It was an exercise I was taught in hospital. And it does work.
I have a funny weird sense if humour.
I have empathy and compassion for people.
I fight for the underdog.
I give good hugs.
I also have an ear for music.
When i laugh - I laugh with my whole body.
I love my family and friends.

[BambiFawn]

They are lovely qualities about you dear beautiful @utopia.  You are precious and special. 

Yes after my mother used to verbally abuse me, I was taught to tell myself over and over how God sees me and to say ' I am precious in the sight of God'. Isaiah. It does really help.

When I attended the Healing Rooms, I was told to think of myself swinging in a baby cradle with Jesus gently rocking me.  I don't have to think or say anything, I am just loved by God.

We are all precious and special in His eyes. Yes, we need to celebrate each other's good qualities and always edify others and build them up in words and encourage others as it says in scripture.  Fault-finding and hurting others with words or putting them down is so wrong.  

Have a sweet day dear @utopia, cuddles from me to you dear friend. x

[Shaz51]

you are  precious in the sight of God'. @BambiFawn 

[Appleblossom]

@BambiFawn

About 8 years ago I started to experiment with humour and started to make jokes at myself.  I had discovered humour and liked making my choir friends laugh at silly things. I was determined not to laugh at another person's expense so it was all self mocking. It was such a new experience for me but I may have gone a little too far with joking at myself and putting myself down. Sometimes people did not laugh and looked shocked or sad that I said those things about myself. 

I am less obssessed with proving I have a sense of humour now ...

I just go with the flow and find small things to enjoy life and share those feelings with people.

I know I can laugh and have a sense of humour now and can let things be.

Is that what you mean @BambiFawn?

[BambiFawn]

Yes dear @Appleblossom, It was funny at the time for me to refer to myself as Onslow, as I am fat and wear a singlet top around the house and have cut my hair short.  My friends just laugh with me when I mention I used to say it, now.  I have grown out of that and I wear lovely clothes now when at church or going out.  I am still a modest woman though my friend told me, and humble.

But I try to have a neat and tidy appearance now and when I was at work I used to dress in $600 Italian jackets and buy expensive clothes.  But as Jesus says, don't worry about the clothes you wear.  I think wearing ordinary clothes is fine.  I call them my glad rags.  After all ' man judges man for his physical appearance, but God judges the heart.'1 Samuel 16:7.For the Lord sees not as man sees. 

I just talk to Jesus and tell him, we are all funny characters.  Some stubborn ewes and sheep.  

I still have a sence of humour but I don't mock or belittle myself. I take pride now again in myself.  It's taken a church service and prayer to heal me this evening.