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18-02-2020 03:37 PM
18-02-2020 03:37 PM
Re: not feeling good
Oh @BlueBay ... my friend. Can you take a few deep breaths and try to calm down a little?
Then when you're ready ... tell me ... is this your original psych or the one who looked after you during your latest hospitalisation?
I am here listening @BlueBay and I care about you. Its awful seeing you so worked up and upset.
Sherry 💕
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18-02-2020 04:22 PM
18-02-2020 04:22 PM
Re: not feeling good
@Former-Member I need to calm down
I'm furious
it's my original psych
I'll come back later xx
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18-02-2020 04:32 PM
18-02-2020 04:32 PM
Re: not feeling good
Okay @BlueBay ... remember ... calm controlled breathing.
Talk later. And maybe give more thought to transferring to the other psych you were so happy with in hospital. I know you mentioned you were thinking about that before.
Sherry
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18-02-2020 05:30 PM
18-02-2020 05:30 PM
Re: not feeling good
Hi @Former-Member and others
I don't like this guys attitude. He calls my name from his office door. Doesn't even come to reception to call me. So rude. He room is about 20 steps away from reception. It's like hes too important to come out and greet his patients.
And then he goes and sits down and i have to close the door. Rude!!! Then he says that I need to do the DBT therapy group in Melbourne City. I told him i can't because i can't afford it. He then says 'oh but when you were working you still didn't go". No because i couldn't justify having two days off a week and not get paid for it. By this stage i was getting angry. He has no empathy. he then says "you want everyone else to do things for you or fix things for you, but you are the one that needs to do it". He then says that I need to be assertive. FFS i have been passive myh whole life, you can't change to assertive by clicking your fingers. it takes a lot of work, thinking things through and practise. it doesn't happen overnight. i told him "do you realise how hard it is to have BPD when i am emotional all the time.
I told him i am doing ACT therapy at the local hospital and he didn't even say anything. Well i don't care I am going to do what i am at the moment. And that's it.
Communication at home - he said i need to start commjnicating and tell the family what I tell him in a session. i told him that we as a family have never commjunicated like this before and it won't be easy. i said my parents never commujnicated like he wants us to. it feels very strange to do what he wants.
i do get it, becasue communication is very important.
I told him i feel that he is attacking me to which he replied no that is yhour thinking and perception. but i really felt that he was.
He asked me how often i see my doctor and what we talk about. i told him we talk about physical stuff if i have any and he asks me about my mental health. and i see him fortnightlyu as he is happy to do that.
he now wants my psychologist to write to him.
I asked if i could stop one med as i was put on it in hospital and not having nightmares now. he says "you chop and change meds all the time, no you need this med". he said meds won't fix you, i don't know what will!!!!
At this stage i want to walk out, instead i sat there crying like a little girl being told off very badly.
I walked out, paid my bill (which i really thought he would have bulk billed me but he didn't) and got in my car
I drove around the corner and pulled over, i had to calm down.
I called my doctor and he called back just now. i told him i am calm now and glad he didn't take my call earlier as i wouldn't have been able to talk.
he was shocked at what i told him and apologised that it went so bad. he said i have every right tyo not see him again if that's how i feel.
my next appt is in May, bujt right now i don't want to see him. things will change i am sure.
No @Former-Member the nice psych in hospital said i can't see him at the clinic as he is in the same clinic as mine. and he said it wouldn't be right. I think thats rubbish, after all i am a paying patient. and if i am not happy with one i should be able to see another.
I will discuss this more with my GP next week.
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18-02-2020 05:32 PM
18-02-2020 05:32 PM
Re: not feeling good
Now do you understand why i feel so invalidated, alone and scared.
Damn psych, he is good with meds (apparently) but so damn rude and no empathy towards his patients.
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18-02-2020 05:41 PM
18-02-2020 05:41 PM
Re: not feeling good
Yes @BlueBay I understand. I would likely feel the same.
Such a pity you werent able to continue seeing the other psychiatrist. Perhaps your GP can do something about that.
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18-02-2020 06:17 PM
18-02-2020 06:17 PM
Re: not feeling good
Thanks @Former-Member for your understanding xxx
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18-02-2020 06:40 PM
18-02-2020 06:40 PM
Re: not feeling good
@Former-Member @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Maggie
snd others
When I got home I said to hubby "we need to work out what will we do if I don't get a job by March" he's reply oh I don't know. Great help he is.
I then emailed the loan manager at our bank and asked if we can lower our repayments for at least 6 months.
im angry at the world
angry at myself
Am I thst bad that I can't do things
I think hubby doesn't communicate because he's never had to because I did everything - psy all bills, transfer money into other account. I was getting phone calls if bill was overdue.
it's my fault.
BPD sucks I hate it so much
it really defines me
this is me and I want to scream
I feel hurt by his attitude and comments
I feel like hibernating
it's so hard
I want to control my emotions better
I'm going
hiding away is prob better
why can't I be better
be ok with my life
I'm angry again
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18-02-2020 08:37 PM
18-02-2020 08:37 PM
Re: not feeling good
@Owlunar hope you're ok. I had a bad appt with my psych.
am I really thst bad like he says.
Do I really do these things
I can't be assertive just like thst
ive been passive my whole life
54yrs of passive and now I need to be assertive - how
I'm crying
I think my psych hates me
he's wasting his time
is it me??
you know sometimes I just want to die
I can't deal with this
I'm so stressed 😥 😢
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18-02-2020 09:45 PM
18-02-2020 09:45 PM
Re: not feeling good
Anger is back
angry at a few things
I don't know if I should
feeling invalidated hurts so much
I hate when professionals don't understand
I'm crying because I'm genuine I'm not making things up
it's all real
BPD is so bloody hard to live with