Life after hospital

[Former-Member]

Hi @outlander,
Just popping in to say hi and I hope you're going okay. I've not been able to keep up due to my own issues, but just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hope you're well and that family and doctors/psych etc are getting sorted out and going well.

[outlander]

hi @Former-Member 

thanks for checking in

im ok i suppose. i just cant seem to manage the anxiety properly.

i dont know really. im feeling abit bleh but ok.

i hope you get hold of your issues soon too. lots of hugs

i havent sorted out my psychiatrsit or psychologist but i organised a gp appointment for next wednesday

[Former-Member]

There are lots of different things you can do for anxiety - the problem is finding those ones which work for you.
Great that you've got a GP appt next week - I find knowing I have an appointment coming up really helpful.
Keep up a routine and keep doing the things you love, get some exercise and find something relaxing to do and remember that things WILL get better, it just takes a bit of time.

[outlander]

ive been putting off the appointment since ive gotten out @Former-Member it keels awkward now to go back to the same gp. i will go though.

im stuck on a psychologist though atm. my mother and her bf wants me to go to this other psychologist but i already have one but i dont like her- she was so rude to me becasue i didnt tell her the full story of my SA. i was suppose to be there for an hour and when i said i wasnt ready to disclose alot of the information about it but i was having very vivid nightmares and flashbacks and needed help controlling those, she cut it down to a half hour session and pretty much said im not helping until you tell the full story. if i leave her itll be the 6th psychologist ive seen.

maybe its time to give up on psychs 

[Former-Member]

WHAT?!!?!?!!!?!?
REALLY!?!?!?!

I'm super shocked.
You should be free to disclose what and when you feel able/free/safe to do so. NO ONE should force you to disclose if you're not ready. NO ONE. 😡 😡 😡

Why don't you want to change?

Are you in a big city or more rural/remote? There are plenty of good psychs around, but also plenty of crap ones around. Please keep trying, it really is good when you get a good one.

[outlander]

yep @Former-Member it shocked me too and walked out of there abit strangely- kinda not knowing how i should react as ive never had someone come out as blantly as that before but she contradicts herself in saying you dont have to disclose anything your not comfortable with.

she said at the first session as i wasnt sure what to talk about she said- when you leave here next time you come in have a think about the things your most struggling with and are ready to tackle and we can start with that first. i thouht yay onto a winner. but the second session so it was the week before i went into hospital- i walked in said hi yadda yadda and i said ive had a think about what i need help with and what im ready to wok on and she said oh yes what are they?

i said well im having alot of trouble with nightmares and flashbacks- i had these in hospital too- and i would like to learn to control them or at least work out how to reduce them or something and she said ok we can work on them and then she said i need abit more info about the event so i gave her a little bit like the timeline it occured, the sort it was, age and jsut little things like that and she pretty much stopped writing looked at me as if she was waiting and i said uhhhhhh i...... i dont think i can say much more- already stuttering and she just looked at me and said well i need the FULL story to be able to help you, looked at the clock and said is that all i can help you with today? i was shocked and she didnt help me manage the nightmares either

so i walked out of there in half an hour more confused and more high strung but shut down at the same time, so i dunno what to do. i cancelled this weeks session and ill be cancelling all ongoing session but its through the victims of crime and i dont want to waste the sessions. this new therapist that mum and her bf have chosen actually run through victims of crime as well but if i do that then my mother will find out about the SA and i dont want that. so i need to use my mental health plan for that..

i dont know its so friggin complicated.

its not the changing im worried about- its the fact that itll be the 6th!! psych that ive seen since novemeber. why cant  i just click with one and thats it. i want to go back to my original counsellor but i cant do that either, there was a reason for leaving her as well.

im in a semi rural area- im borderline rural and city so i ahve access to many psychs but its the fact itll be the 6th one

[outlander]

Well @5HT @Queenie @Former-Member

Im going to see another psychologist tomorrow.
This will be my 6th psychologist and I dont think its goinh to work out.
My mum and her bf already spoke to her for me from their point of view so how can i change that now.
Plus shes mums old counsellor soo its kinda awkward and ive already pulled back into my shell now

[outlander]

@oceangirl @utopia @Koko above msg

[Former-Member]

Oh no @outlander, that does sound like a conflict of interest for you re psychologist, BUT, if she's professional and objective and works with families - you may be fine. I would suggest you be upfront and direct with your concerns. Make a brief list to read out to her. Together decide if someone else might be more suitable and ask her to find one for you. Really hope you're feeling ok in your own skin tonight. Be kind to yourself - you're precious beautiful soul, never forget how highly valued you are. I need to remind myself every day, especially in the face of troubles. Chill, just be you. What ya having for tea tonight?

[outlander]

hi @Former-Member

i know shes a professional, the problem is my mum already sees her and gets her side of the story and the family dynamics which is clearly different to my thoughts on it and the way i see it. so i dont know what to do really.

ill go tomorrow and see what happens. im really sick of changing though.

i still have my victoms of crime counsellor that im still entitled too but i dont know what im doing with her either. after she snapped at me i dont really want to go back -see msg to 5HT about the last psych session in regards to the snapping- but shes made it awkward and i feel i have to tell my story but at the same time i physically cant say it but i know i need help with it.

its jsut whether i want to sacrifice my mental wellbeing at the moment. i dont particularly want to go back to hospital but you know what atm i feel like i should be there. ive already hit a big slump and i dont want to be in my own skin at the moment. i just.... i really dont know what im doing, whether im coming or going or whats going on. i feel like im starting to go backwards yet again.

these are the reasons i know i need to see a psychologist but this will be my 6th one (sigh)

i dont know what im having for tea tonight, i went out with family for lunch and im not really hungry. i dont have much appetite and just picked at lunch and still dont feel like much at the moment.