@Sans911 Thank you for your reply. In all honesty, I struggle with it a bit. It’s part of me wanting to do this therapy so much. Every time someone says something nice about me I run now. I know I’ve been doing lots of pull you, push you with people on the forum although for me it’s more pull you, then run. It’s not something I’m proud of and I so desperately don’t want to hurt anyone. It’s much of the reason I pull back from the forum and my outside world. Isolation is safe 😬. I get overwhelmed easily. I think this psychologist could help me work through this stuff so the thought of not having it now is really hard.
I have my own parent issues too which I know are different from yours but I’m happy to listen as well. Much of my dysfunction comes from childhood. For me it’s just a difficult mix of biology and a parenting style that didn’t suit. I know that lots of people would have thrived with my situation, ironically I’m the one who didn’t. Perhaps it wouldn’t have mattered who I had for parents either.
I’m really glad you are trying to refrain as well. I think that this is a positive thing to keep us safe. I actually was pretty close to the edge for a while there. I’d rang Catt (yes world record now 4 times in the last month I think). The person I got floundered and knows my history and struggled to help and I felt worse because it feels like they are all scared of me (because in the past I’ve followed through after talking to them). It’s hard when everyone is scared of supporting you. The forum is often the best place for me to have my freak outs because not everyone runs. So I didn’t turn to my laboratory and found the strength to get through. I hope you can get through your hard times too. I know they are different but much of the underlying stuff is the same.
Thesis over. I hope this isn’t too heavy. I’m going to take dog now for a walk and hope I can continue to put one foot in front of the other until Tuesday again when my next marathon assessment appointment happens.
Take good care of you 💜🤗
