I'd like the purpose of this conversation to be geared towards this: what advice do you have for others to get though challenging times on the forums?
Hey @CherryBomb, Excellent thread idea as the forum grows.
Things I have learned after many years of participating in online forums and chats.
* Remember that when you read print YOU are generating the tone of 'voice'. Try to default to that tone being neutral or friendly. This will save about a billion misunderstandings and upsets.
* There is a difference between putting forth your view on something, and trying to convince someone to agree with it. Only the latter will cause you frustration!
relevant XKCD
* Though we tend to assume the opposite, very little that is said online is actually about YOU. A comment about a cluster of things is NOT a direct comment about you, even if you categorise yourself within that cluster. Taking things as personally about you, as personal attacks or criticisms is the fastest way to have a bad time on the internet.
* Even when a comment is directed to you by name it says more about the writer than the reader. Never attribute to malice what can be reasonably attributed to ignorance (or a bad day, or unfortunate phrasing, or a second language, or a misunderstanding etc etc).
* If in doubt clarify. And clarify NEUTRALLY and assumning the best, and try to avoid putting words in their mouths (or their textboxes anyhow). "I'm not sure I follow that, could you go into more detail?" "Could you try explaining another way?" as opposed to "Was that comment directed at me?" "Why would you think that?" "Where do you get off assuming that about me?"
* If something upsets you and doesn't break community rules you MIGHT decide to communicate that. For some of us still working on boundaries that communication can be a beneficial thing, and sometimes you are letting others who are too timid see that someone is speaking up for their point of view. That can be helpful.
Or you MIGHT decide that discretion is sometimes the better part of valour and simply stop interacting in that discussion, and maybe address YOUR reaction in another thread without passive-aggressive dropping of hints, names etc. It can be very beneficial to explore who/how you react to certain stimuli, but it is not always useful or appropriate to turn someone else's thread into your place of self exploration. Both are options. Which is going to leave the community and yourself in the best place?
