When things get tough here on the Forums

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @MoonGal

Your message written to ..@Terry..I think was one of the more honest revealing messages I have ever read. 

On what you write;

You might have an idea here.....

I am mindful how you have carefully added your words and can see the  thought that you put into this message. 

My friend someone I actually keep on forgetting is a true friend has been teaching me to hold onto my own power in relation to my Mum. I keep on having dreams ....I don't know if they are dreams but whenever I wake up I immediately have this feelng she has been criticising me.....wipe me away. It's unsettling.

When you write the message re; your stuff.... I can also..... reflect..... in hindsight.....I dont know..... in my life to see what I have chosen to do in self harming. The only self harming I only owned up to was bullemia when my son was in hospital to my dentist. 

This paragraph you write:

I would say this - if you are reading this and have self harmed, are in danger of self harming, have never talked to someone else about self harming, or have and were silenced because of either their discomfort or because it was way beyond anything they knew to handle- there ARE other people who used to self-harm who stopped and there are concrete steps you can take towards that. Keep looking for the ways out of it, that create new and better ways of relating to yourself. because you are worth it.

Is so right in my eyes...and the next paragraph 

so sensetive.

Thankyou for this message. 

PP

[PeppiPatty]

Great message @Appleblossom

didnt see it before.

Thanks thanks for writing coherently ...you always write coherantly but in a way that even I understand. 

PPx

[CannonSalt]

Hi @Former-Member, thanks. I really should keep in mind that even though we're the ones doing the talking, there are probably a lot of people reading, and thinking 'is this place ok to join?'. I began self-harming because I had a bad relationship with my ex-psych - I had to make a formal complaint because I felt he was a danger to people who don't share his religious beliefs. If I ever disagreed with him, he would tell me it was a symptom or something - tell me that intelligent people loved religion (with the tone implying 'so why aren't you getting on board?'). It was really frustrating, especially as he was supposed to be someone who I could talk to about stuff. His bosses had no idea about the stuff he was peddling.

If I was currently self-harming, and I went to a psychologist and told them that I self-harmed, what would happen? What should happen? As it is, I still don't know what would get me thru the door... Barring rockets tied to my shoes. 🙂

[Former-Member]

Actually that is a great question about what vshould happen if you talk about Sh @CannonSalt. When I went into hospital last year the hospital noted in admission that there was a lot of evidence of Sh and nurses did need to give some care for it over first week.. But it was never (and still hasn't been) spoken of by any of the mental health team or psychologist and I haven't brought it up...

[Appleblossom]

When I went to my latest psychologist .. she directly askes about self harm and does it as a matter of course to each client.  She felt it was her job.  I praised her with relief ... for doing so.

[PeppiPatty]

I immediately want to write typical to you @Former-Member but then I astop and think.......

I wonder if they feel it's too much for you right now???

In my eyes....you a little bit of a.....um........unusual case how you....move on....but I wonder if they feel your too fragile to deal with that. Do you think they are thinking of you bring it up first? 

you have got a lot on your plate. Wasnt it just three days into work your little girl was ill? 

Thinking of your billiance  @Former-Member

PP

[Former-Member]

Hi @CannonSalt, self-harming as a result of counselling is a terrible outcome.  'First do no harm' flew right out the window there.  I'm very sorry to hear about that experience.  I can't speak for all Psychologists but generally a disclosure of SH should lead to a thorough examination of what's happening.  Picking apart the whole process from triggering event/thought/feeling through to the act and then the consequences.  The idea being that firstly knowledge/awareness is power and little change can happen without it.  And secondly to work out where to most effectively break the cycle. This will be different for everyone.  For some it's to choose a less damaging method of SH.  For others it's to break the trigger/response pattern so that other options are a possibility.  That takes work and time.

I bet members in this discussion are already doing this, either on their own or through counselling.  Has anyone had any success in breaking this cycle?  Even if temporarily?  What works for you?

[Former-Member]

So disheartening to hear this @Former-Member.  I wish more mental health professionals were like Appleblossoms.  Do you think you could get to a point where you feel safe to raise it?  What holds you back now?

[CannonSalt]

Thanks @Former-Member - it was horrible, and trying to pretend it wasn't, trying to focus on the non-religious stuff, just wasn't working.  I wasn't self-harming at the beginning, and I feel sure that admitting it to him and the cause would have just led to an accusation of being manipulative or willful or dishonesty.  (He got very authoritarian, wouldn't explain things to me, expected me to do things 'because I said so'.)  Or else the name-calling and forced medication or detainment...  I don't know.  I kept it to myself because I needed to get out of there. I guess the happy ending there is that now his bosses know what really goes on.  I wonder if life has gone back to 'business as usual', if anything has lastingly changed there... but I don't want to go back to find out.  I can get stuck on how bad the whole situation was and I'm not even sure how to begin to discuss it with a new psych.. or if they'll just think that I'm a 'bite the hand that feeds' kind of a patient.

When I realised that I couldn't break it in the moment, I would get my dad to cut my nails really short (he can cut them much shorter than I can), and we would joke about stuff.. he saw the marks, but didn't ask me about them, which I was very thankful for.  But making the formal complaint (with the support of my family, friends and GP) and having it taken seriously was the main reason why I stopped. 

[Appleblossom]

The sad thing @Former-Member is that I self harmed between 1990-2002 ish ... seeing MH people all through that time .. but I was not able to vocalise that that is what was also happening ... there was a lot of other things going on.  The first time I mentioned my SH was to a chiropractor working on headaches ... that helped... around 2000 ...and he could see the torsion in my face and skull ... it also helped me that he called the house once to check I was ok.

Then I went through a period of trying to stop ... but had a huge flare up which meant the CAT team was called into me for the first time ... it was also the main last time I SH d... after that I decided to live separate under the one roof til I got myself mentally sorted and left in a year.  I still feel the urge from time to time.

I also disclosed to my osteopath who has been very helpful.

NOBODY in MH field has worked through things with me in a logical manner .. I have done it all myself.  I looked it up on the web and found out that it was not that unusual a form of SH ... more often associated with autism.

The lady psychologist who asks all her clients I only started seeing recently ... October 2015.

It was really due to being in psychological torment regarding whether I loved both my female children and what I was allowed to feel as affection ....  I was tied up in knots.

@CannonSalt  Thank you for raising topic .. Is your family more supportive of you now?  it sounds like a sensitive caring act for your father to help out.