Lived Experience Forum

[Bat]

Hi, I’m new here. Diagnosed bipoar for years and usually nicely under control. A single mum of two amazing kids. The last few months I’ve been in the darkest hole I’ve ever been in and trying all I can to claw out of it. My ex is amazing, we have a great friendship and he’s so understanding. Last night I asked if he can take the kids for a bit, which is huge because those kids are my sole purpose right now. I dropped them off this morning with massive tears from the kids and I.

I had actually planned it out to give them to him and take a few days to organise my house and everything else so it would be easier on my loved ones and I could….go. But as I left them today crying and loving on me I thought maybe a broken mum is better than no mum, so I tried to look for help. My psychiatrist cant see me for 7-8 weeks and I contacted both Beyond Blue and Lifeline who offered no practical help or understanding of where I’m at.

What do I do? I actually don’t know where to get the help I need because every websites first advice is Lifeline - who I found sounding so fake and scripted and her only advice was to ask what techniques I had to get myself through today, just make it through today. Seriously, I’ve been making it through ‘today’ for so long, I was in tears and desperate and asking how I get more help.

Making/taking phone calls is massively hard for me, it took me two fricken weeks to book in my daughter’s flute service because of my anxiety around it, so having already found the courage to call two helplines, I dont know if I can do it again.

Could anyone please recommend a helpline or what I should do next? Short of trying something and ending up in emergency to be able to access a mental health professional. I do have an appointment booked with my GP tomorrow and I’ve reached out to some family also.

[Paperdaisy]

@Bat I'm sorry to hear those helplines haven't been helpful. Have you called the SANE help centre ? They are a wonderful bunch. I'm going to check in with you via email as it's important that you stay safe. I'm really glad to hear you have a GP appointment tomorrow and I would suggest being very honest with the doctor. Keeping family close by is important and I'm glad to hear you have taken those steps also. It takes great courage to reach out and ask for help 💝

[Bow]

From one single mum to another can I first give you a big hug? 🤗 and welcome 

Parenting is hard. And it’s really hard when you are single. It is great that you have a good relationship with your ex and you can ask him to take them so you can have some time. 

Its a great start that you have a gp appointment tomorrow. Do you have a psychologist? Is this something that you can talk with your gp about and get a mental health care plan for some sessions. 

I agree, lifeline can feel very scripted. I don’t speak with them very often. But I do find the wonderful counsellors at the SANE help centre to be so goooood!! And they have a chat option if you find phone calls difficult. 

[Bat]

@Bow thank you! And a hug back to you. My GP knows my whole history. I haven’t spoke to a psychologist in a few years now, I tried a few and never connected and ended up only having the communication with my psychiatrist (but it’s so hars to get an appointment). I’ve been googling today and come across spme onlibe psychologists and counsellors that I might try engage with. Just with how desperate I’ve felt differently I’ve been hoping for some faster help and I thought Lifeline or Beyond Blue might have had advice to help and point me in the right direction. I’ll try SANE, thank you! 

[Bow]

@Bat  It can be really hard to find a psychologist that you click with. It took me 3 different ones last year until I finally found someone I connected with. Hopefully you can find someone online. 

[Eve7]

Hello @Bat  and welcome to the forum. This morning must have been extremely hard for you and the children.

You obviously love them very much as they love you. I hope you can stay safe tonight and that you are able to be totally honest with your GP tomorrow who may be able to get you an earlier appointment with your pdoc.

Your children need you sweetie and your life is very precious and I think you realise they need you even in your turmoil. I’ve been down in the pits too but believe me no Mum is not the answer.

Love 💚💙

[Historylover]

So sorry to hear you're in an uncomfortable place at the moment, @Bat. I've been walking that path for some time myself. It's hard going, isn't it? As for L'line – your description is very accurate with my experiences there too. Fake and scripted. 

I don't have any advice, but the folks here have kept me going through enormous trauma. I hope you will find the same support here too, and I hope you will find a way forward. 

Take care. Sending best wishes.

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Bat , it's good to have you here. 

I'm really sorry to read where you're at. 😞

You didn't mention medication...are you on any, for the Bipolar? I know when I was intensely suicidal for 3 years, I was swopped onto a stronger antidepressant, which saved my life. 

Does your psychiatrist do talk therapy as well? 

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@Bat wrote:

I thought maybe a broken mum is better than no mum

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I agree, so well done for reaching out for help 🙂