I am- Overwhelmed & Traumatised I need your support!!

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Dragon Fruit @Former-MemberI've seen those, but I've never had one. Sounds a great idea.

I like exotic or unusual plants (& birds, by the way).

An Avocado tree that you grew from seed, that's great. I've had several that I grew from seed, but all gone now.

I have a Carob tree (getting big now) that I grew from a tiny seedling - they're rather hard to find (to buy). Carob from the Carob Beans tastes a lot like Cocoa (it's a chocolate substitute).

I have 4 younger brothers, I'm the eldest of 5 boys.

My Dad has been gone just over 2 years.

I do have phone contact with one or two of my brothers, but not very often in the past few years - they're all on the other side of the country.

It saddens me very much that we have become distant (emotionally), that was never my intention - living over there would not have made us close, & would have not been good for me (I believe).

My reason for staying over here 25 years ago was self-protective - I made big sacrifices to stay here, & to attempt to be independent with no family connections (or support) here.

Unfortunately that reason still stands, as it's highly stressful staying with them over there, even for just a few days. The family dynamics are weird & exclude me, quite often.

It's far more positive & more comfortable if they come here to stay with me - but they don't want to do that.

Not having good connections with family members (siblings) is painful. Yet that isn't our fault quite often, & often there isn't anything that we can do about it (I think).

Paradoxically, I was always the one who made the greatest effort to stay in touch - my efforts were not appreciated, & not returned in kind.

Ill health & other impacts meant that I could not continue those efforts, or maintain those family contacts in the ways that I would have wished.

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[Former-Member]

Edited : I changed my choice.

[outlander]

@Former-Member ❤

[Former-Member]

@outlander  XO

[outlander]

U ok tonight? @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

Yes, just been thinking a lot, but not upset, just realizing some things that I suppose I was over looking in my life through too much pain, & stress. Loneliness, is not that good, but it's much better than being abused, that's for sure. xo 🙂 @outlander
How are you now, do you feel a little, settled yet?
Or are you having panic attacks?

[outlander]

Thinking can bring up lots of things for sure @Former-Member your right lonliness is better than abuse but my wish for you is that you meet aome people who you connect with offline too. You deserve it so very much


I dont know how i am. Everytime i start to think im ok the tears come back. Im not in a very good state. My stomach has flares up so my chest and back hurt more and feels like ive pulled some stomach muscle. I hate pain and mental health issues combined 😞 😕


How is esther? And is ruby keeping you company?

[Former-Member]

@outlander XO

Yes, your stomach would be in a bad way with all that pain, stress, & over active acid build up.   I take a level tea spoon of bicarbonate soda, in some water for my stomach pains, & problems, daily, you could add it to cordial, if you don't like it with water. Mum taught me to take it, she always had a stomach ulcer, & she drank a lot of milk to calm her stomach as well.

You have far too much on your plate outlander, I wish ppl would just let you be able to enjoy what you can. You are not meant to be such a slave to others like you seem to be. No wonder your MH is being sabataged.   I hate interfering in other ppl lives. But, you need fun times while you can. I bet if you had no family concerns, & just had you to look after for a few weeks, your life would be so much healthier, for you, & a lot of this stress would be less. Then you would feel free, something I don't think you have felt ever, to be truthful, correct me if I am wrong. xo

[outlander]

Mm yes lots of spasms happening. Pretty painful.
I drink abit of milk but not a huge fan of it i cant have alot of cordial either. Mostly just water and cups of tea. Abit of oj is ok too but not other juices. Its a pain. I dont enjoy anything anymore.
No ive always felt trapped even when i didn't have so many responsibilities.
Maybe one day things wil change for the better.

Hows esther? Has her wound healed up now?
@Former-Member

[Former-Member]

@outlander

Esther has fully recovered, she looks like nothing ever happened to her, she is amazing! thanx for remembering about her! xo

Ruby is here, on my left hand side sleeping like a baby on her bed (2 seater lounge), I'm just sitting in the dark room on my recliner chair typing to you. I am going to go to sleep now as I am feeling a little sick myself attm. I stayed up too long last nite, now I'm doing the same tonite. I'm not going anywhere today it's 12:10 now, we can catch up today later on. Will you be ok if I'm not here?