Lived Experience Forum

[Captain24]

Hi @NatureLover 

Sorry I’ve been slack. 

Work has been ok. Im back in full duties and I’ve just done my 3 days and I have Monday and Tuesday nightshifts.

I haven’t had to deal with my boss as he is away for a while. I get lots of comments that I look happy and refreshed. If only the knew what I have been through. 

Im torn as to how I am. I have 2 parts. The outside part of me is fine and I can see and know who I am. I’m at peace. I’m content. All is ok. But the inside part has a deep ache, a hollow pain. It’s like a dark hole in me. I don’t know how to describe it. 

I did some things I shouldn’t do try and release the ache. I haven't done that for a while. It’s a mistake I’ve done a couple of times. I guess that means it’s not a mistake. 

This is why I’ve been absent as I’m a contradictory mess. 

Sorry for putting all that on you. 

Anyways. I hope you are doing ok? 

[NatureLover]

Hi @Captain24 , thanks for letting us know how things are. Wow, you are on full duties? How is your neck? 

Glad your boss is away! 

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@Captain24 wrote:

But the inside part has a deep ache, a hollow pain. It’s like a dark hole in me. I don’t know how to describe it.

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Do you think this is the trauma, and feeling unloved as a child and adult by your parents? 

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@Captain24 wrote:

Sorry for putting all that on you.

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I asked, I want to know how you are 💙

I'm doing OK thanks 🙂

Hoping your night shift the next 2 nights goes well...

[Captain24]

Hi @NatureLover 

My neck is going really well. I wouldn’t tell them if it wasn’t though. 

It is probably trauma. I’m learning how much it affects you. 

Glad you’re doing ok. 

[Captain24]

I’m not liking life at the moment. I feel like it’s not worth it. I’ve had enough. 

[Captain24]

I think I may have messed up a little. 

[Snowie]

@Captain24 here with you hon 💗💗

[Shaz51]

Sitting with you @Captain24 ❤️

[NatureLover]

@Captain24  It's OK to mess up a little. Are you OK? 

I'm so glad your neck is fine 🙂

[Captain24]

No @NatureLover @I’m not. I feel like dr jeckle and Mr Hyde. I can be fine and then I can be dark and do things to myself. I don’t know what’s going on other than I’m going crazy