Hi @outlander
Maybe you lost you cool for the sake of the horses - but as I see it you are in charge of the horses when you are on duty and I totally get it - you did your block and I get it -
So you told your boss - and I am not to sure what happened then - it has happened before and she told you that whoever did that - was that what was happening to the horses - and are the owners/riders the ones who are being told where to get off
Regardless - I am not sure that you deserve being punished for that - though if you have been inappropriate then there's a chance you will lose your job - did your boss say that you would or what
You are wondering how much longer you can go on the way you are and frankly I am too. You seem to be stuck where you are - to me it seems you need some help to get away from the house you have a share in but is so toxic - and you do need help to get out of there - but on the other hand
Your Pop is most unwell and he is afraid that if you go into hospital he will have to as well - there are other things that can be done to help him if you need respite - unless he is too ill to be at home then there are people who can fill your place temporarily - and in the past I have been one of those people who fill in - so yes - I know this can happen
And I think you were expecting some help from your therapist - and that was not forth-coming. It seems strange to me that your therapist says she can't help you - and that I think your GP imagines that hospital won't be of any long term assistance - and I agree with that -
It seems you are caught there - in blind ground that can never nourish your soul - but does anyone extend a contract - that is - if you stay and care for you Pop in his house that you are given some status for your work. You stay and care for him but who helps you? Your therapist can't help - but what can she do?
The people in your life are expecting so much from you and as for your needing to be punished - I don't believe that
I understand you can't get your shit together - I have been through that sort of trouble and I have a strong idea that most people here are going through the same or have been - and this is no reason to be punished
Because you are so lost in what is happening and feel as if you need to be punished for what you have no control over really makes me think and feel really sad
Also - today - just to let you know - I had to ring my case-manager that one of my domestic helpers had pushed the boundaries with me and what she was supposed to do here last week - I worried about that all weekend and had nightmares all weekend and headaches today - I had to let my case-manager know I had finally spoken sharply to the worker -
We have a responsibilty to maintain some kind of order in our sphere of responsibility
How much longer do you think you can continue like this? It seems to me that you are battling and I am really concerned about the same stuff myself
Dec
