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@CheerBear I am ready to snuggle into your pocket now. The giant missing CherryBomb feelings are growing again. We had a long conversation on the phone today, which SUPER helped, and then I went straight to my violin lesson. But now I am home and the giant waves of grief are washing over me again. I'm just going to stay here in the nest for a little while and then I will take the make-me-go-sleep medication.
It feels exactly like losing (k) uni counsellor and therapist-take-one and a bazillion other people all over again. I'm super hurting over the loss of CherryBomb and I'm also feeling super hopeless over how much (A) doesn't get it. Lunar and RockPool have provided so much support over the past couple of days. It seems absurd that they have been able to help me with this muddle and (A) hasn't. I mean, this abandonment stuff is at the core of my muddle. This is happening RIGHT NOW. This isn't about going over stuff that happened decades ago (even though that is where the abandonment stuff comes from), this is a real here-and-now opportunity to get in and work on this stuff. And yet somehow Lunar, RockPool and CherryBomb seem to have done more to address this stuff through their role here, than my private $120/hr psychologist has been able to.
What IS it with most psychologists???? It truly feels to me like they think the client is a computer that you can just shut down and stick on the shelf until the next session. It's like (A) thinks I should be able to hit the pause button and just put everything on hold until I see her on Monday. The world just doesn't work like that, and I really don't see how anyone with BPD is ever supposed to get better without real-time support (and I guess Linehan has the same view and that's why between-session contact is prescribed in DBT). For me, (A)'s reaction to this situation is a repeat of a whole lot of past horrible experiences, and I am ETERNALLY grateful that Lunar and RockPool have been able to step in and pick up the slack. The way they and CherryBomb have helped me navigate this situation has super super SUPER helped, and even though it super hurts right now, I know the grief is going to settle quicker because it has been respected and processed through, rather than just flooding my brain non-stop.
That all got really long, didn't it. Thank you for listening. 
@CheerBear wrote:
I am seeing myself pom poming anything and everything I can now.
When I wake up in the morning after sleeping in your pocket, am I going to find myself pom pommed???
I want to share this with you and I'm hoping my timing is not too lousy. Today I found myself in some stormy water a few times. It was this puzzle that calmed me down. I thought of you and all the storms you've got through and it was more calming than usual.
💜💐
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