I'm in a nest

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear my feelings are giant and I am scared. I have giant angry feelings but I know the angry feelings are just secondary to the even more gigantic grief and abandonment feelings. I'm scared that I am going to alienate everybody because of the giant angry feelings. I'm scared that you and @Faith-and-Hope and @Zoe7 and @Former-Member and @Shaz51 and @TheVorticon and the many other people who hang out on the shore will go away because I'm so prickly when my feelings are so giant. Please know that I don't mean to be bad. I really am borderline - a real live proper borderline - one that doesn't cope with abandonment well at all. I am not coping at all with CherryBomb leaving, and I don't have anywhere to get support with that...which means it is all playing out here in Forum Land. I have left a message for (A) to call me today and I will call the SANE helpline, and there's no-one else. I hate that my big feelings are playing out here in Forum Land, but there's simply no-one else. Please don't hate me as you see me in complete meltdown due to the abandonment stuff.

[CheerBear]

@Phoenix_Rising- I'm not scared of you. I'm not going to leave you alone in the ocean because you are experiencing big giant feelings. I'm not concerned about you being 'prickly'. I understand that feelings on top of feelings on top of feelings can be super muddling, and I see how scary and lonely and overwhelming it is for you. I don't mind if you vent your feelings, or if you flip or trip or fall on your way back up and through it all. I know that it might be triggering to hear 'I'll be here for you' so I won't say that. What I'll say is that I am still here and not scared and I don't think you're anything but the you that makes you you, and I super like you when you're feeling ok and when you're not.

[CheerBear]

I made too many spelling and grammar mistakes in that post and couldn't not edit them.

I'm off to take LF to school and have a couple of things to do today but I'll be here even when I'm not @Phoenix_Rising. Hope it helps to settle the flood to talk to SANE and A.

[Zoe7]

@Phoenix_Rising you can talk about your fears here as much as you like little turtle. I do feel so much for you - especially knowing how 'close' you have become with cherrybomb. I can only imagine the pain this is causing you  All I can say to you Phoenix is that I will continue to sit on my rock stack to watch over the ocean and to watch over you for as long as you need. Even when you cannot see me I will still be here. I know that will not be much consolation for you (and you will be thinking in the back of your mind that I will probably one day leave too) all I can do is keep turning up and reassuring you that I am still here for you. Thinking of you and sending you strength to help you through this really, really tough time little turtle....

Zoe 

[Former-Member]

@Phoenix_Rising I'm not scared of you but I'm scared for you. I identify with more than you know with your BPD traits. Fear of abandonment is my biggest trigger. My ultimate storm. Please know I get it. I'm here for you but I know I can't say anything that helps. I'm definitely thinking of you.

PS the puzzle of the day yesterday was a turtle again. I'll put it up for you when I finish it. A long time ago I found this for you @Phoenix_Rising. I know you're a long way from being able to climb on and paddle on it but it's here for you when you're ready. 

@Phoenix_Rising, @CheerBear and all

Ive been missing yesterday as I had my own huge storm. I'm not coping with something huge that's playing out in my life. It's been life threatening for me but I'm learning to fight a little better and managed not to give in to the huge feelings to SH or worse. My SH is potentially life threatening every time. I just wanted you to know I'm still here but will take a while to surface as me again. 

💜🤗💐

[CheerBear]

@Former-Member - I'm so sorry to hear you're working through a storm and not feeling like you're coping very well. If you think it would help to talk about it please tag me if you want. I know it can feel really hard to chat about things and tag people into what seems like a big mess, but I want to be able to stand alongside you through it if you'd like my company. Sending you huge hugs for what's happening.

And @Zoe7 - you too. Here for you as well 💗

[Former-Member]

Thanks @CheerBear. 

Im not feeling much like talking about it but thank you for being here. I'll come back when I can and feel human again. For me that can be from hours to days. It was my psychiatrist who took me out, I was clean bowled by her😢😔. 

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member I definitely know that you get it. I know I don't engage with you as much as I do with some others in Forum Land, and that is because I know how similar our muddles are. I know you have shared that you don't let yourself get too drawn into my muddle for the same reason. I just really wanted to remind you that this is the the reason I don't engage with you so much, because sometimes I feel bad about it and I worry that you might think I don't like you or something.

@CheerBear thank you for not being scared of me and for liking me even when I am in my biggest muddles. I am mindful of the fact that you have had horrendous experiences with someone with the BPD diagnosis and I feel scared that if you see me being prickly, you will feel scared. My anger is just a huge amount of energy that is masking grief and abandonment stuff. Here in the real world it can be very loud and chaotic, which I know does scare people. However, even in my hugest rages, I have never had the slightest inclination to physically hurt anyone other than myself. I just wanted you to know that.

@Zoe7 Thank you for always being on the shore (even when you are not on the shore). I know how massive your own muddle is and it means a lot to me that you still find it in you to wander down the path from TOR to sit by the shore.

None of you are my friends. I don't do friends. Friends hurt and friends leave. But I still like you.

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Phoenix_Rising .... I'm not going anywhere unless my home situation breaks down, and even then, I will find a way to be back.

Hi everyone .... 🤗💕