My Mosaic

[rav3n]

hey @Bow !! just saw the framed artwork you posted on Friday - to me, i see a little bird sitting on top of a little elephant holding a balloon... reminds me of a child's imagination/cartoons, i hope i'm interpreting that correctly

yikes sorry to hear about your rough weekend, gastro definitely sucks!! despite group being cancelled, so proud of you for getting out of bed and trying to get ready. that's really great that your facilitator checked-in on you, do you feel like this is the sort of support/care you were looking for? the active check-ins when things are cancelled?

what are stuff are you working on today?

[Bow]

Hi @rav3n   Yep that’s what it’s suppose to be. An elephant holding a balloon with a bird on its head… and that’s a little person beside it. 

yeah I appreciated her checking in on me. I think cause I mentally prepare for group and then for it to be cancelled and then nowhere for what’s in my head to go. So it was helpful to have a chat and unload a bit. 
And she checked in on my safety too… so did my SW. 

I did some watercolours and writing for the art. I’m not quite finished yet. But when I am I shall share a photo. It was a challenging piece though. I get this image in my head from the conversation I had with the group facilitator… it wasn’t all me, she helped, we were talking a bit about the vulnerable child, and I really don’t connect with mine, so some of it was suggestions from her. But I still seen the picture. But then to go draw it…. And to have the inner critic yelling and screaming at me. It’s hard. 

I’ve sunk a bit since. Lots of big sadness. 

[Bow]

Hope you get to see your kids this week @Snowie  and looking forward to seeing your art 

[Jynx]

Hey Hi Hello @Bow & @Snowie my lovelies, just having a wee catch up on what I've missed!

Aww I'm sorry your group got cancelled Bow, that would've been so frustrating! And I dunno about you but I always feel super deflated when something gets cancelled, like I was putting all this energy into being ready for it and then it's not happening so I just.... blech. Feel very meh!

Love your art too!! Your creativity knows no bounds!! The lil elephant is very cute, I agree with @rav3n it's got maaaad kid's book vibes. Stellar work!!

OMG @Snowie you're going to Japan? Luckyyyyyy!! When do you head off? I've heard amazing things about the ski-slopes over there, you've been before to Japan, no? You excited for some fresh powder?

[rav3n]

oh yes i saw the little person too but forgot to mention 😆 love how creative you are, it's really cool to see natural thing like rocks infused into art works

ahh yep i hear you, that mental prep before hand does take a lot of energy @Bow i'm so glad to hear you found the check-ins helpful!! i remembered you mentioning a few times that you wanted to feel more supported/cared for but wasn't too sure what that looked like - so i guess you can add active check-ins from facilitator/SW esp when things are cancelled to the 'ways to support me' list! 

art is so great in exploring our feelings but it can definitely be challenging too. it is your personal journey and its totally fine if you need more time to navigate this piece and connect with your vulnerable child. would it help to separate your vulnerable child from yourself? like treating the child version as its own person, and trying to connect to it like you would with a best friend? or does that make it more disconnected for you?

[Bow]

Hey @Jynx 👋 👋 

Yep big time deflated when group is cancelled, especially today when it was such a huge effort to get out of bed, showered and dressed. And group aint on next week cause it’s a public holiday. 
SW had 1/2hr so she stopped by cause she knows how much I struggle when it’s cancelled, Urgh who am I fooling, I struggle even when it’s on. But she pulled me out of my funk a little bit. Enough for me to get back out of bed and stay out of bed. But feeling my mood dipping now again

how was your weekend?

[Jynx]

@Bow ach your SW such a champ ay! And even tho it is frustrating, I can imagine that it still prolly did good things for your brain to get showered and dressed, mayhaps? Gotta find that silver lining where we can haha 😉

My weekend was pretty chill, I had a really nice night Friday, went to my partner's place for a board game night! Then spent the majority of the weekend just being a potato, except when I got out for a walk. I was supposed to go do laundry but.... the ADHD task-inertia gremlins really wanted to ensure I spent the whole weekend not being productive so, that will be a task for future Jynx!

I got round to watching Inside Out 2, have you seen it yet?

[Bow]

Yep she sure is @Jynx ! She quizzed me for all the good things about group being cancelled…. I couldn’t think of many, but I didn’t have to drive to group (30mins away), can spend the arvo with d… struggled after that… SW said that I got to see her! I did need a shower today though. 

board games are fun… ish we play a lot of rummyio, Dutch blitz and piles. We played some this arvo too… and most evenings we play too. D and I are both competitive though and argue over who won when it was a tie. 
and being a potato sounds like a nice way to spend the weekend. I did that mostly too.,. Cause I was sick. 

We actually watched inside out 2 days n Friday night. That’s our movie night. It was good. 

[Jynx]

@Bow haha so we had four players, two of whom were quite competitive, and myself and another who weren't. It was actually really funny watching the two competitive players working overtime to try to out-maneuver each other whilst us non-competitive types just kinda chilled out, hahaha. Do you two play monopoly at all, or is that like a short cut to tears and a flipped table? 😂

Aww nooo hope you're feeling better!! Yeah nice one, did you like it? I thought it was pretty good!

[Bow]

You should see some of the stuff others do with rocks and beach glass @rav3n  it’s amazing! But yes, I love that I can create art with natural products. 

yeah I think a check in like today could be really helpful. I will admit that I really struggle with change of plans. I mentally prepare myself so much. And I think there is the added complication with my ED and ED behaviors that I obsessively have to complete and plan my days around. 

im not sure how to move forward with my vulnerable child. I feel like she is locked in a box. I put her there a long time ago to protect her and now it’s just too hard to unlock it cause it’s so freaking painful. I struggle to look at photos of my younger self- which is hung up on the board at every group. Facilitator said I need to start opening that box ever so slightly, but I can’t. Slam it shut. Today the facilitator sneakily used the…. What would you say to your daughter? What would she need? And I get why she does it… I get why people do it… like when people say … what would you say to a friend? I don’t find it helpful. Just makes me feel guilty.