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Aniela
Senior Contributor

OBSESSIVE FANTASIES AND DAY DREAMING

Does anybody else day dream ALL day? Daydreaming is my happy place. I could stare at a wall all day and be entertained by my fantasies. I've been doing this since I was a kid. The fantasies bring me so much joy and elation, but it's not real. I'm not actually living in reality. I'm in constant fantasy land. 

 

I need it to stop. It's getting in the way of living a life and reaching my goals. Anyone else do this? How do you stop? 

 

I feel really weird. I've never heard of anyone else doing the same thing. 

 

 

12 REPLIES 12

Re: OBSESSIVE FANTASIES AND DAY DREAMING

@Aniela 

 

Ooooh yes. This is me down to a tea!

 

In real terms, I accomplish very little in a typical day - even in terms of performing leisure activities - because I spend so much of my time zoned out.

 


@Aniela wrote:

Does anybody else day dream ALL day? Daydreaming is my happy place. I could stare at a wall all day and be entertained by my fantasies. I've been doing this since I was a kid. The fantasies bring me so much joy and elation, but it's not real. I'm not actually living in reality. I'm in constant fantasy land. 

 

I need it to stop. It's getting in the way of living a life and reaching my goals. Anyone else do this? How do you stop?


The longer I've lived, the more it's become apparent that life doesn't actually have any inherent redeeming value and "missing out on it" in favor of lingering in daydreams is no loss. At least, that's been my experiance. Not for lack of effort on my part in attempting to fix life either, but all my efforts have failed disastrously and I am at a loss as to what "real world" options remain for me to make life worth engaging with.

 

Far from seeking to stop the daydreams, I've actually submitted myself to extensive self-hypnosis to be able to strengthen my daydreaming capabilities, to be able to block out everybody who tries to make me miserable. I'm pleased to say that it's been a large - if imperfect - success.

Re: OBSESSIVE FANTASIES AND DAY DREAMING

Hi @chibam 

Thankyou for letting me know I'm not alone in this. 

Re: OBSESSIVE FANTASIES AND DAY DREAMING

@Aniela 

Hello Aniela

 

From memories of childhood, even during my primary school years, I remember that daydreaming, fantasising, or becoming almost totally absorbed in the natural environment around me were a prominent part of my life. Most of the fantasies and daydreaming were about far better places than that in which I physically lived.

 

However, there were also fantasies about how I could, with honour and purpose escape that life. For example, while not wishing harm to come to anyone else, I wished for a way to save another person, and in so doing, lose the life that was mine. Obviously, it was at the more extreme periods of time, that such thoughts, ideas, considerations occurred. But I know that, at times, I was certainly on alert for such an event.

 

The daydreaming and fantasising was normally when I was on my own, or with people away from my immediate family. It was a way of escaping from the issues that I faced with my father, in particular. I think that my mother simply thought that I 'suffered' from an overactive imagination.

 

Unfortunately, my father viewed, in a son, any such inclinations to be a sign of weakness. As a result he put more pressure on me to act in a way that conformed with his point of view. Paradoxically, his approach caused a further retreat by me into what was a relatively safe world.

 

This propensity for daydreaming, fantasy and the more extreme “desire for an honourable death” were, as I say a form of escape. That mental capacity for escapism had formed a pattern of behaviour, and did not go away as I got older. Consequently, I had significant difficulty in mental applications, like study and even, later on, clerical work. My mind would simply wander, as if somehow startled, would take off in a direction that was not associated with my work or study. This occurred even when I placed fairly reasonable time-frames on study and breaks. It made little difference.

 

Later on, I was able to, in a sense, corral my mind and keep it within a sort of boundary when I was working in areas that I found challenging, interesting and rewarding. Sometimes, it was doing heavy physical work where safety was an issue, so I had to be alert in that environment. Another occupation that was quite demanding mentally was working as an Employment Officer in the public service. It turned out that I could empathise with people's story and background, particularly when they had experienced difficulties or trauma. This meant that I could work with people who had been long-term unemployed, people from various migrant backgrounds, individuals and groups, people who had experienced abuse and trauma, either as children or adults, in their homes and sometimes in their workplace, and young people about to leave school for the next stage of their lives.

 

I can say that the work was exceptionally draining. However, there was reward, when I was either able to directly assist people, by helping them to gain employment or meaningful study avenues, or give guidance that enabled them to achieve their immediate and mid-range goals.

 

In fact, it is more recently, that I have explored and connected some of these events, experiences, wishes, desires and activities. For example my early home life and the employment in which I worked, and what the relationship was between them. At other times the fantasy has approached reality. More of these connections have become apparent to me, in a gentle sort of way, through this website, past and recent counselling assistance.

 

I am thankful that I have been able to challenge myself to deal with the distraction of daydreaming and fantasy. However, It has not been without some fairly high costs involved. Turbulent relationships, not constant but regular changes to work, home and even the internal functions of my mind. It would have been very difficult for anyone else to have coped with.

 

I now, at the older end of my life, choose to live alone after caring for my mother for nearly ten years until she passed away two years ago. Our time together was a pleasant time of healing for both of us. A very special and privileged time for me.

 

During my lifetime, there has been a gradual progression, in the field of psychology, from the theoretical to the practical application of methods and medicine in the treatment of personal psychological issues. Some of what I have described may “strike a chord” for you. While there may be differences, you may see some ideas with which you can connect. In any case, if you are concerned about any aspect(s) of your life, to the extent that you feel that you have a blockage or barrier to experiencing the best life that you may possibly be able to live, I would encourage you to cautiously seek assistance. Cautiously, because personalities are important in the area of deep personal exposure and vulnerability. It is important that a good and firm connection is made with any people assisting you.

 

This website has much information on the way that people, members of this site, as you are now, have talked about and dealt with their experiences. All the comments on the site are open for anyone to view. Members are able to be very open about their own mental health challenges and successes. This is mainly due to the anonymity of members. People will encourage you, offer non-directive guidance, and simple friendship (if friendship is ever simple) I have learned a great deal from this site since I rejoined in February this year. Sincerely, I hope that you find some answers and possibly even links to solutions to your questions, through this site. The only thing asked is that each of us respect the protective function, as set out on the Guidelines & Info page.

While some of the material on the site consists of greetings and courtesies, there are more in-depth explorations of people's experiences and circumstances.

 

Please ask any questions. When I joined, I initially found it difficult to work around the site, so please don't feel daunted – just ask. I have added some tips below to help with addressing anyone on the site

 

With My Very Best Wishes

HenryX

 

Tagging:

  1. To alert a person or draw their attention to a message that you have posted, you add the @ symbol in front of their forum name, to change the name to a forum address. Aniela = Forum name; @Aniela = Forum address

  2. For example; I would flag your attention by adding anywhere into a message @Aniela, as I have done at the beginning of this message to you. You would tag me by adding @HenryX any where in a message that you wanted me to be aware of.

  3. Near the top right side of the forum page, the word “NEW” is placed to the right of “Guidelines & Info”.

  4. A number in a circle, adjacent to the word “NEW5 will alert you that there are that number of messages, where other forum members have “tagged” you.
  5. Left-clicking on the word “NEW” will take you to the “Your Notificationspage where any messages relating to you, or in which you have been interested, are shown,in the following way:
  6. {“Anastasia @mentioned you in
    Re: newbie.”}

  7. To access the message, left-click on the thread title

    Re: newbie” which will then take you to the messages on that thread.

Cheers,

HenryX

 

Re: OBSESSIVE FANTASIES AND DAY DREAMING

@Aniela Yes! I do this all the time and have been doing this since I was little. You are definitely not the only one and I don't belive it is weird however it can get in the way of daily tasks and routine! So I completely understand how you feel. I don't really have a solid solution unfortunately but I can offer some advice that has helped me. Whilst I still day dream a lot, I try to undersand what I am day dreaming about and try to figure out why I am day dreaming about that particular thing. For example I would normally day dream about having certain conversations with particular people. I suffer from social anxiety and depression, so when I realized I was day dreaming about having conversations with certain people, I figured out deep down it was my way of wanting to be more confident to hold conversations with friends and wanting to feel comfortable and accepted. I also found it helpful to write down my day dreaming moments and feelings in a journal, this helped me work through some things on my own and with my therapist. I still day dream a lot, as long as it doesn't take up my whole day, everyday, then I don't see the harm in it. It will be quite useful for yourself to try and control how long you day dream for though if you find it's becoming a big problem for you and getting in the way of things you like to do. You're definitely not alone though, and I hope that little tip can help in any way! Smiley Happy

Re: OBSESSIVE FANTASIES AND DAY DREAMING

Thank you @HenryX 

 

I am in intense therapy 3-4days per week. I'm working on it, but wanted to know if anyone had the same experience or any extra skills or insights. Thank you for your response. Smiley Happy

Re: OBSESSIVE FANTASIES AND DAY DREAMING

Hi @fairy_magic13 

Yes! Thank you so much for that tip. I will definitely start journalling some of my fantasies. I'm too embarrassed to even speak about the "imaginary scenes" with my therapist BUT if i just write them down and don't show anyone, then I might be able to discuss the themes. 

Re: OBSESSIVE FANTASIES AND DAY DREAMING

@Aniela Exactly, I felt the same way and still do! I was always so embarrassed about it so would just keep it to myself but here we are. I have not told anyone any of my day dreams but writing it down really helps me even to reflect back on what I was thinking so heavily on. And I just keep my journal in a safe spot so no one else reads it. You don't need to discuss what you're day dreaming about unless it's bothering you a lot. But it makes me happy to hear that you're open to keeping a journal Smiley Happy . Also, If it's your happy place then just embrace it when it feels good and practice balance of it all, being present in reality is also important. I'm sure it will help Heart 

Re: OBSESSIVE FANTASIES AND DAY DREAMING

Hi @Aniela 

 

I just wanted to reach out and offer you some support Heart

 

I can relate to so much of what you’ve described!

 

When I day dream, I often find myself having conversations with all sorts of people (usually they’re people that I know) and rescripting some of the events that have happened in my life, which I then watch like a movie!

 

Often my experiences feel so real that it can take some time to work out if these things have actually happened, or if they’re something that I’ve created during a fantasy sequence!

 

During these times, I often become so engrossed in what’s happening, that I lose track of time and it’s often really difficult to step away from the fantasy that I’ve created and return to what I was doing before.

 

One of the things that I’ve found really helpful is to create some sort of an ending to whatever it is that I’m fantasising about. Through doing so, I feel a little bit more in control, as I can actively prepare myself to step away from this space in a way that feels comfortable for me Smiley Happy

 

I can really hear how incredibly disruptive these experiences are for you and how desperately you need them to stop Heart

 

As such, I just wondered if you’re receiving any support from a Therapist? If you are, I just ever so gently wanted to encourage you to share your experiences with them Heart Through doing so, they’ll be able to support you to understand your experiences and how to safely manage these, so that in time, you’ll be able to decrease the impact that they’re currently having on your life Heart

 

I hope that this helps a little bit Smiley Happy

 

Take care of yourself,

 

ShiningStar Heart

Re: OBSESSIVE FANTASIES AND DAY DREAMING

Hi @ShiningStar 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Yes, I am seeking therapy for this. Well a lot of other things too, but this is one aspect of it which I've just brough up a little. Not too in depth yet. It was nice to know other people feel the same. I'm lucky that I'm always aware it's just a fantasy. I know exactly between reality and fantasy. So I'm very fortunate. It must be much more confusing and scary in your case I would imagine? I can snap back from fantasy to reality instantly, and go back and forth really quick. 

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