RE: Darkness surrounds me

[Former-Member]

@Sans911super big hugs hun 

[Former-Member]

Understand @Sans911,can imagine,that's why I won't put myself through it, Just don't beat yourself up over it,if you aren't happy can you go elsewhere?

[Sans911]

@outlander @Former-Member @Former-Member

I'm sorry to make you think it perhaps wasn't ok. the appt was fine, really ok. This woman is super validating, caring and very kind, and for that, and my own sake, I felt it was only fair I be vulnerable and honest. I told her some things about my SI that no-one else knows. She is a suicide prevention counsellor after all, so I defeat my own purposes by being dishonest or hiding what it really going on & where my thoughts are at. Unfortunately, the after effects for me is that I feel exposed and raw, which is difficult for me to deal with. Tears are very close to the surface now, and I shed more earlier when I was discussing admission issues with the lead nurse from the mh respite centre. And my SI is very strong,which is causing me ongoing physical symptoms which are a constant reminder of my discomfort. But I'm doing the best I can to be ok, so for today that means I help others feel ok to take the focus off myself.

[Former-Member]

@Sans911understandable that you feel very exposed. It is hard to open ourselves up to someone so well done hun. Hopefully in the long run it will be of benefit, although it probably doesn't feel that way now.

Sitting with you tonight 

[outlander]

@Sans911@Former-Member  

[Former-Member]

My scenario @Sans911,of your appointment was how vulnerable you felt, because I have been in that situation several times with the many different forms I've had of anxiety and depression.as well as psychosis at times.Can understand,felt that way many times and been in that scenario ,many times.

[Former-Member]

i knew I shouldn’t have tried to get to sleep. Another flashback but this time a new one. when will they ever end, I have had enough of feeling like this and trying to cope with this. I can’t  get my anxiety under control and it just seems  like it is one thing after another. And then when nothing works, thoughts of SH/SI flood my mind. I just can’t keep doing this anymore,  

[Sans911]

@Former-Member @outlander @Former-Member

Morning all.

Nell, I hope you got back to sleep love. I understand it must so anxiety ridden to try to not sleep, but you need rest hun. You still need sleep.

Outlander - I hoping you're feeling little better by now, and that maybe, your pain will start to settle down.

Li1- how's your day shaping up. Or are you still down the wombat hole?

I actually slept ok, yes, helped by over medicating but I needed to. I'll post over on my usual thread shortly.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Sans911 but didn't get back to sleep. Was too distraught and just tried to keep myself as safe as I could. I feel like I am at that breaking point and am so lost in where to go from here