**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

[Sans911]

@Former-Member - yes I figured you were home. I just let you be. Glad to hear meds are increased or changed. I know it's hard to wait but it's just what we have to do. It takes time to get things right, then things will stabilise hun.

[Former-Member]

@Sans911you are right (like always!) it does just take time. Hopefully these ones work  Heard it is hot in the west today and someone might need to lay on cool tiles!!

[Sans911]

@BlueBay I'm sorry to hear you feel that way. I did try to start an unstuck new thread, but it didn't last very long.

Yeah I think much the same thoughts. I don't even react when professionals say that must be difficult to live with.

Hugs @BlueBay.

[outlander]

@Sans911@Former-Memberhow are you both going?

@Sans911i feel i owe you an apology

[Former-Member]

I am going ok @outlander got super high anxiety tonight. Think it is from app. today. Talked about a few things that were uncomfortable today. But I will be ok. How are you going now?

[Sans911]

While I'm really pleased that my house mate has started work, and she's isolating less by getting out to see her friends, I'm tired of our whole conversations pretty much revolve around how she's found purpose again, how good it is to be at work, and how she's enjoyed her first few days. I sound like I'm being nasty, but I don't think for once she's considered the impact on me. I am genuinely happy for her, and I'm glad too that there will be less financial strain (I'm still paying All other bills from my Centrelink payments despite us being on the same payments).

But I feel gutted, and as I sit here tonight, my thoughts turn to everything going wrong of late. There's very little joy or things to look forward to. I'm still barred from working until probably March or later next year, and even then it will only be part time, if I can manage what I did before.

What's the point then of carrying on? For whom, what or why? My mind turns to other ways from what I've done before. These are more sure, some I've tested out. Living another day like this is hard enough, let alone another year or 3

[Sans911]

@outlander for what lil Sis

[Former-Member]

Your problem is mine @Sans911,one big reason I avoid people is my anger over my own life,for the past six years,I basically had nothing go right, counseling only helped me desecrate my life .As stated,my young niece earlier this year started working at my old workplace where I was bullied,I don't talk to her for various reasons including the hurt and paranoia I feel in the gossip about me.My mother keeps mentioning it,and is so f**** insensitive as it's best if I don't hear it as it's a trigger.
Please start making your housemate pay her way,it is disrespectful to you and is a concern as she is taking advantage of you.I understand the last statement @Sans911 , something in my thoughts everyday.

[Former-Member]

@Sans911 you don't sound nasty. It is hard to see people moving forward, enjoying their lives, going out with friends when we are stuck sometimes (or all the time) feeling like there is no way forward. We see other people have it and wish that we could be there too.

A discussion had started about me returning to work a few hours a week with my rehab consultant. The psychiatrist put a stop to that today  So that one thing I had to look forward to, has been taken away today, so completly understand that gutted feeling.

What's the point of carrying on? I really cannot give you an answer. I think you are the only one that can answer that for yourself. I hope you do find that answer because you matter a great deal to me and others here. 

[outlander]

sorry for the delay! The forums are going off tonight!

@Former-Member im sorry to hear you had abit of your dreams shatterred, but you need to look after you mh first as well and im hoping that one day you can get back to doing what you love to do. I would suspect that your anxiety is definently from your pdoc appt today, but we are here for you to help carry that load I still havent been able to go into the kitchen and so havent had pain releif for nearly 4 hrs so thats getting to me but lots of distractions here on the fourms atm. Seems saturday night they come alive! Will try for pain relief soon though so it hopefully kicks in for sleep.

@Sans911 

that does sound really hard, its good that your happy for her but its also hard when all you want to do is go back to the things you love which I know nursing is one of them and shes rubbing it in your face basically. You dont sound nasty, I hope that she does tone it down though. The first day or so is understandable but after that I wish she would see how its impacting you.

we are here for you too sis, try and keep your chin up though I know exactly how it feels.

I feel I owe you an apology from earlier. I feel like I shoved you out and it was wrong and I didnt know how to make it right. I care very much for you and I love everything you have to say and offer. You my sis and nothing will take that away from my heart. And I felt like I was blowing you off and I really wasnt trying to. Will you forgive me?