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Hi @Former-Member

I received your post in my mail box but it hasn't turned up in the thread yet - but I can answer it

There are some branches of the church - some call them sects - that have some really strange dogma than can really marginalise people - and of course having a child die is not the result of a sin. Or else - as you said - all the children would die.

It is better to have a conversation - so many people are scared - they don't know what to say - and somewhere in my past I came across and idea that it would be better if people just came up to you and mutter "Manama - manama" - like Ernie in Sesame Street. The bewildered silence hurts more that any words one could say - well almost - I had that silence from my own family - it upset them too much - and bad luck about me - yeah - I know something about the way you feel

After my son had died a young man approached me -  he told me he was turning his life around and did - but what he actually said was  "Er - em - ah - mmmmm - since _______ died I think I will clean up my act - ah - um - mmmmm - yeah"

When my cousin died a few years ago I went to the funeral - I flew interstate and back in the same day - and my rellies were astonished that I did this and really appreciated it - but I didn't write to them for a few weeks - maybe 3 or 4 - and then I wrote that there were no right words - and nothing at all I could say to console them - but they told me that I was the only one who knew what they went through - 

And when things like that happen I can almost see a point to my son dying - in his life he was a lost and broken being who needed to go home to his heavenly father - and I believe he is safe there now

But people who cannot understand - it's like we are expected to just pick up and go on as if nothing had happened - my family was like that - no way could I have ever told them what I was feeling - and there are still times when I have nightmares of trying to tell them something precious - and they cannot hear

But I can't read your post right now - but still I do hear you and I understand what it's like - though I cannot understand exactly what you feel. I still remember the useless things people said - I suppose they were well-meaning

Perhaps I am a lonely voice in the wilderness crying out to the bereaved parents who suffer because of the ignorance of people - you have a right to grieve - in fact you have to grieve - it's called Grief Work and it is the hardest work you will ever have to do - and my heart holds yours

There are people who say somethings that I feel is tempting fate - one woman told me to "Get over it" and wow - that is such a rough thing to say - 

And also - what goes around comes around. I can't see you as a bad person in any way - I see you as struggling through a mist so thick at times you get lost. My heart goes with you - may the Lord also be with you

Lots of love - and not just the virtual kind - the love of one bereaved mother for another

Dec