Hi @Former-Member
Thanks for your wonderfully understanding reply to my message about how my son's BPD affected me - you were pretty close to what I went through
Yes - there was alcohol abuse and a good chance that this was genetic or inherited - really hard to watch my son go downhill like that - and to make such bad choices. He was in a negative spiral and seemed to crave negative attention - however I was not into enabling. I did some courses during the time he was alive - Systemic Training for Effective Parenting and Tough Love - the STEP programme helped me to sort out whose problem it was - which other people like my mother did not understand at all - and the Tough Love - that's like - "we love you but we don't tolerate what you are doing so if you are going to do it go and do it somewhere else"
Aw - enough of that - it was hard yards
People at church were very critical - I didn't pray hard enough or long enough - my faith was weak - and wasn't God's grace enough? Of course God's grace was sufficient but everyone has free will and that's the tricky part. Some months before he died I went to another church and didn't tell anyone I had a son until he died and that was just after my car accident and people at church that weekend were all glad to see me because they knew about the accident but I told them that my son had died that week. At this church people were much kinder.
It is so hard to be blamed for what other people do - and when our own skills fall short of what is needed.
We can only do our best and I understand this now - I know I did my best - and I didn't fail.
The system failed me though and after all the hoohaa I spoke on Willesee - a Curent Affairs TV Programme and had my say -
What I did for the System after he died is what helps me through now - things are vastly different since then
Ah yes - retail therapy - I bought a lot of manchester - and I am not saying what it cost - let's just say I feel very happy with my purchases. My doona and one cover had past the best-by date and were really uncomfortable
Dec
