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Thanks @outlander
That validation was really appreciated. Yes, abandonment is an issue I struggle with. Because that's what it feels like it is. Even though I can rationalise it and know in myself that that's not really what is happening, I can't stop the overwhelming feelings.
I will get through tonight. I have someone here in the house so I'm less likely to SH like I usually do. However, if the feelings get too intense I sometimes change method as well. But I'll try to talk to you all here first or SCBS.
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